Headdeskers Ball

gee, your flag smells terrific

The Daily Caller has finally done something for me other than conjure up an image of Tucker Carlson showing up at the door night after night with a bouquet of flowers and hopes of courtship. The name also makes me think of those assholes at Discover Card. I WAS ONLY USING YOU TO BUILD CREDIT, THERE IS NO US.

The Daily Caller has given me that greatest of gifts, the chance to indulge in music snobbery. No small feat considering I think “Ride Like the Wind” kicks ass unironically, Christopher Cross’s claim of being the son of a lawless man notwithstanding (white collar criminal I’d buy—that would explain the sailboat—but why bring it up if he’s not who you got the gun from, Chris?). And since I refuse to delve deep enough into Nickelback’s catalog to form an opinion on that halftime petition thing, I need this. I won’t be able to look down my nose at anything once this Van Dyke goes from salt & pepper to flat gray; I’ll have to settle for looking askance at things, assuming the ear-hair situation remains manageable.

If you’re a conservative or tea partier or libertarian or war veteran who lies awake at night wondering why there’s no band out there that really understands you, The Daily Caller has you covered.

Crying into your pillow: So fucking metal.

Anyway, meet Madison Rising. Jeez, guys, half the fun of being in a rock band is coming up with the name, way to whiff. Is there an antonym for “evocative?”

HEDGE-BETTING: They’ve also got a song called “In The Days That Reagan Ruled,” which, in addition to denoting maybe not the firmest grasp on the concept of representative democracy, makes me think there’s a chance this is deep-cover parody, but nah, they would’ve slapped some umlauts on there if that were the case.

Bray [I probably should’ve mentioned that the lead singer’s last name is Bray, because that’s like the best part.—ed.] isn’t a big fan of liberalism in general.

“Liberalism actually in my opinion is just an incapability to process capitalism and the truth and what needs to happen,” he said.

They “might say to themselves oh but lets worry about the caribou migration instead of worrying about the human beings on this planet that don’t have jobs and our [sic] worried about their next meal,” he went on.

“The caribou will be fine. Let’s worry about … people.”

BONUS READER PARTICIPATION, BECAUSE RUMPROAST IS AN INTERACTIVE MULTIMEDIA EXPERIENCE: Let’s play fill in the ellipsis! Or, rather, what I prefer to think of as an ellipsis. Looking at it now it’s probably just a transcribed pause, but I already came up with “implementing a safe outpatient procedure by which we can transplant their antlers onto.” You can beat that, can’t you, readers? Winner gets to lord it over the other commenter who bothered, should there be one.

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/04/11 at 11:03 PM • Permalink

♫Ah’m baking a cake for th’ Iraaaayyynianssss…♪
With frostin’ red, whaaahhht and blue,
that tastes like freeeeedommm…♫

Needs more work, I’ll admit, but seems like a good start.

Bray and Klein seem to think that the people mentioned above are volunteers of some sort. Something else I learned, OWS is responsible for permits allowing jingo bands to play at Zucotti Park.

Dude loves his government chain of command.

Also, “...poop all over cop cars…”

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