Headlines That Make Me Hate America #218

Bristol Palin could earn $300,000 for baby pics

Associated content that makes me hate America even more:

The price didn’t soar immediately, according to the sources, because Sarah Palin stories just didn’t sell all that well for the weeklies on newsstands.

“Sarah was on the cover of People, Us Weekly, and OK! the same week, and really only People saw a bump in sales,” says a source.

The drug-related arrest of Johnston’s mother, however, caused the price tag for the photos to go up.

“The bidding started well before the baby was born, but once Levi’s mom was arrested — well, then you had a story,” says one editor.

Posted by Kevin K. on 12/30/08 at 12:13 AM • Permalink

Categories: NewsPoliticsElection '08St. McSameOur Stupid MediaSkull HampersSarah Palin

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The drug-related arrest of Johnston’s mother, however, caused the price tag for the photos to go up.

O.M.G.  Just that. O.M.G.  I have nothing more to say about our society.  Canada, we can’t wait to get there!

Gee, and all my Mom gave me for Christmas was a set of flatware. One little drug arrest, a short perp walk—-is that too much to ask?

Well, now we understand why the baby’s name is “Tripp.”

Well, now we understand why the baby’s name is “Tripp.”

Think about how much more money they could have made if his name was “Gluehuffer.”

BTW, I’m waiting up for my brother to show up from the airport and found out that Rumproast is a finalist for Best Small Blog in the Weblog Awards.  Can I get a “woo hoo!”?

Now we have to figure out a RUMProwl to destroy our competitors, none of whom I’ve heard of before.

Because they’re fucking small.

“Whoo hoo!” then.  You can count on my vote.

Lurking always to catch your PUMA snark. Not witty enough to comment amongst the laureates here. Good Luck and love your “small” blog.

The human invasion of the once-pristine wilderness of Alaska expanded today when a slightly retarded teenager spawned a bastard child with the sullen son of the neighborhood Oxycontin (“hillbilly heroin”) dealer. 

If the teenage mother’s parents are successful in strong-arming the pusher’s offspring into marrying their semiliterate daughter, the young couple plans to further rape the countryside by plunking down their own double-wide trailer, polluting the ground water with their untreated sewage and the hydrocarbon leakage from the numerous junked vehicles they plan to place on blocks thereabouts, burn lots of fossil fuel to operate motorized snowmobiles and insanely oversized trucks, and shit out as many babies as possible until the slack-jawed cretinous teen’s uterus collapses, while slaughtering as many breathtaking wild animals as the law will allow (and as many more as they can get away with) to feed their subhuman progeny.

In related news, a noted Arkansas pediatrician and her partner, a teacher, were denied the ability to adopt an orphaned infant because their homosexual lifestyle renders them unfit parents under state law.

another woo-hoo for the mantle.

i also noticed that Chucky’s River of Effluence is nominated for “Best Liberal Blog”. The comedy never ends.

*

Woo hoo!

Speaking of horrible nominations, Tammy Bruce for best LGBT blog?  I thought if you masturbate with the barrel of your handgun to photos of corpses piled up at Auschwitz, you weren’t technically a lesbian…

haha sucks for Levi, he probably wishes Palin never ran…he got sucked into the spotlight and now he has to own the baby..

btw, i dont find this Levi and his baby thing funny, but its just funny how life lands a blow when you are just beginning to think you have it made

Oh my, I didn’t notice the Effluence pick.  Too funny. And, yeah, some of those finalists are steaming piles of suck.

Speaking of the Effluence, had to go to look.  This made a tragic beginning to my day much better (fyi, Buttburger is the name myiq1/2u came up w/ for Rumproast):

fuzzybeargville, on December 30th, 2008 at 6:53 am Said:

Bet Markos is pissed to and where is the cheeto only looked trhough it quickly-

I also missed any nomination for:

Buttburger

Yes to Hipocracy

my my my….we so deserve this!

Six minutes later…

fuzzybeargville, on December 30th, 2008 at 6:59 am Said:

OOps Buttburger got a best small blog nod….

It should be fairly obvious by now that the reason Christina from YTD didn’t want to meet this dimwit for a coffee is because she was worried about getting sucked into the black hole housed in his skull cavity.

Bristol Palin could earn $300,000 for baby pics

Bu-but, that would make her a ... CELEBRITY!! [incidental music, thunder]

I must say I find their crawl to the altar rather puzzling.* I guess the Moosetress of Malapropisms didn’t think the RNC would insist that she return the wedding dress.
And shoes.
And bridesmaids’ dresses.
And the ring…

*Not really. There’s a 50/50 chance they’ll quietly go their separate ways.

I know it’s not snarky, but I mainly feel sort of sorry for Bristol.  Her mom thrust them all into the spotlight and who knows how much say she had in any of it. 

She did her job as a silent prop of the campaign, dutifully holding her brother Trig and never going to school, dressed sweetly in RNC duds.  As a result of her mom’s ambition, anything that happens to her for the foreseeable is for public consumption.  So, whenever Levi is arrested for whatever he ends up being arrested for, it’ll always be a national story. 

Of course, my sympathy will probably switch to little Trip before too long.

Hey, at least they didn’t name him Dope or Blow!

I guess the Moosetress of Malapropisms didn’t think the RNC would insist that she return the wedding dress.
And shoes.
And bridesmaids’ dresses.
And the ring…

You left off mother of the bride dress and tux’s for First Dude and First SIL.  Mother of the groom’s outfit to be provided by the state.

Mother of the groom’s outfit to be provided by the state.

Wouldn’t it be delightfully ironic if it was an orange jumpsuit.

Wouldn’t it be delightfully ironic if it was an orange jumpsuit.

If they do that, the PUMAs will claim her as one of their own.

I’m deeply disappointed that in their frantic desire to out-weird fellow Alaskans they didn’t name the baby Johnson, in hommage to the immortal line “The President’s a Ni…”

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