He’d like something named after him, but there’s already a Dover Air Force Base (UPDATED)

“For 20 years, I’ve been doing things on behalf of the people of Nebraska and putting things off,” he said. “There comes a time when you have to make that decision, do you continue to put things off and do what you’ve been doing?”

What’s next for Ben Nelson?

~Replace John Hodgman in Apple’s “I’m a Mac” ad campaign; get fired for showing up to shoots dressed in hipster signifiers & agreeing vigorously with Justin Long

~Join PepsiCo Board of Directors, buy world a Coke

~Sell arms to anti-American forces abroad, cite decades-long experience providing ammo to the other side

~Become lobbyist; spend most of his time hanging out at service entrance, because he always does the opposite of what he’s supposed to be doing, see

~Attempt to take down IRS from the inside; unaware that IRS Records and Internal Revenue Service are not the same thing, record surprisingly competent rock/reggae fusion album

~Get job as Wal-Mart greeter, invoke “conscience clause” to avoid saying hello to potential sluts

~Find a way to look even more like Jerry Van Dyke

~Whenever there’s a patch of freshly laid, unhardened cement nearby, “tag” it with side of head, because the dude just loves earmarks

~Belatedly realize “Ask Ben Nelson To Resign” Facebook campaign was most likely started by liberals, run for Senate

~Spend more time undermining his family

 

 

UPDATE 10:34pm—I knew I was bitin’ Letterman’s style, but I was like whatever, all my stuff’s ripped off from somebody. Now that I’ve counted the number of items, though, I should probably apologize for making everyone at RRHQ vulnerable to an infringement lawsuit.

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Categories: NewsPoliticsBushCo

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Finally find a way to retire the confusion about which Blue Dog is from Florida and which one is from Nebraska.

(Though I suspect whichever GOPer takes that seat will make us long for the good ole days of the Senator from Mutual of Omaha.)

True dat, O! I have as much disdain for our FL Blue Pup Nelson as the next gal, but in the last race, I enthusiastically voted for him. The alternative? Katherine Harris. Yes, that one.

i read rumproast every night, i’ve seen this headline since you posted it.

i just got it.

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