I mentioned the war, but I think I got away with it [now with bonus track!]

HuffPo reports that UK tourist agency VisitBritain has issued an edict to us shirty Brits, in an effort to avoid international incidents during the upcoming 2012 Olympic Games:

The frank etiquette tips were written by agency staff about their own native countries.

Polish tourists are likely to be hurt by stereotypes that imply they drink excessively, while the French are notoriously picky in restaurants, the guidelines claim.

U.K. workers are told to brush off common Argentine jokes about a person’s clothing or weight. Belgians take offense at people snapping their fingers while Australians are fond of coarse language.

Japanese people consider prolonged eye contact impolite and smile to express a range of emotions – not simply to show happiness.

Tourism workers are advised to show extra patience when dealing with guests from India or the United Arab Emirates.

“Indians are in general, an impatient lot, and like to be quickly attended to,” the guidelines claim. “The more affluent they are, the more demanding and brusque they tend to be.”
Indians also don’t like being touched by strangers and may be suspicious about the quality of British food, the guide said, without noting the latter might be a common concern.

Travelers from the Middle East are likely to be demanding with staff and “are not used to being told what they can’t do,” the guide warns.

Guests from China and Hong Kong may find winking or pointing with an index finger rude, while “mentioning failure, poverty or death risks offense,” the advice claims. Chinese visitors may be unimpressed by landmarks just a few hundred years old, tourism staff are told.

Workers are advised against discussing poverty, immigration, earthquakes or the Mexican-American war with visitors from Mexico – who prefer to chat about history and art.

Canadian tourists are likely to be quite annoyed about being mistaken for Americans, the guide suggests – urging workers to keep an eye out for maple leaf pins or badges on tourists’ clothing.

And Americans? They can appear “informal to the point of being very direct or even rude” and won’t ever hesitate about complaining, the guide says.

Woo! That doesn’t leave a whole lot that’s safe to talk about. Maybe we’ll stick to the weather.

Still, now we’re prepared, I’m sure we’ll be on our best behavior. 

And we do a nifty cabaret.

As Mrs. Polly so astutely pointed out in the comments, Miller and Armstrong are parodying Flanders and Swann (BTW, Michael Flanders’ daughters reportedly love the Miller and Armstrong “Brabbins and Fyffe” series of parodies), so here are the originals for your delectation.

Posted by YAFB on 08/12/10 at 07:00 AM • Permalink

I just have to post Flanders & Swann, which will perhaps finally educate us ignorant Yanks on the U.K., and the assorted woeful qualities of its constituent parts.

Though to be fair, you don’t sound to me as if you’re singing flat.

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