I’m going to keep speaking and writing about this in the simplest of terms

Because big words make her head hurt.

until someone can provide a simple answer as to why liberal Democrats don’t understand that we have safe, warehoused onshore and shallow water reserves waiting for permission to be extracted. They either choose not to understand the geology, science, and technology behind an “all-of-the-above” approach to energy security, or they understand it, yet for whatever frightening reason choose to be lap dogs to Chavez and Ahmadinejad.

a) Simple Answer: There’s not that much oil, and besides, didn’t Obama just reauthorize offshore drilling and exploration in a number of fields? b) Chavez: How’s the First Dude’s Venezuela-sponsored snow-machine team doing?

Shoot, I must have lived such a doggoned sheltered life as a normal, independent American up there in the Last Frontier, schooled with only public education and a lowly state university degree, because obviously I haven’t learned enough to dismiss common sense (a prerequisite for power in Washington these days).

Cut the “simple country lawyer” shit, Ice-Ninny. We already know that—under your aw-shucks/plain-folks exterior—there lies a second, even denser layer of Kevlar-like Pride-in-Ignorance.

We must understand the imperative nature of energy security, along with America’s life and death need to secure our borders. Baby, this is why I won’t sit down and shut up about the need to drill.

Qu’est-ce que fuck?

Wow. Common sense (three times), God, terrorism (two times), “kowtow and bow,” “endangered species” (in a funny play on words—ha-ha!), border security AND some Newsmax horseshit about how Obama needs to start a war in South America that will instantly plunge the world into a Terrorist/Oil nightmare, just so she can say “I told you so!” It’s a moron buffet of Self-Serving Sophistry, garnished with an assortment of crunchy wingnut memes!

BUT WHEN, SARAH, WHEN WILL YOU TELL US HOW TO FIX THE DEEPWATER SPILL? WE LOVE TO HEAR YOU WHINE AND SCOLD FROM A SAFE DISTANCE, BUT WE COULD USE A LITTLE HELP OUT HERE.

The only way to fix the deepwater spill would’ve been not to vote for the black guy in the first place, clearly. 

Do you honestly think this would’ve happened if Palin was running things?  No, if that were the case, the gulf of Mexico would currently be filled with starbursts rather than oil.

The only thing that can be done at this point is hope we get a Republican majority in 2010 so they can either filibuster or impeach the oil spill.