Here’s one of my recipes from a Montrose Beer and Gun Club cook-off.
You cut open a cow, and pull the guts out, then shove a pig inside of it and staple it back together.
Put guts aside for later, then you drink some beer.
Then you steal a cement mixer, and drink some more beer and and try to shoot some bottles off the nearest fence.
Then you dig a pit, which requires taking a break afterward because it is really hot in Texas, so you drink some more beer, maybe a couple of shots of tequila, and try to talk some of the girls into taking their tops off. If that doesn’t work, give them more tequila.
Repeat until successful.
Then you throw some old tires in the pit, glaze them with a medium octane gasoline and flambe them from a safe distance of a couple feet or so.
Then you try to shoot some bottles off the fenders of the cement mixer waiting for the tires to get going real good, trying not to breath the fumes too much because you might get sick and throw up too soon.
Oh yeah drink some more beer.
Then you throw the cow with the pig in it into the back of the cement mixer, drink some more beer, drive the cement mixer so that the barrel is situated over the flaming tire pit, then put the barrel in gear and rotisserate that sunuvabitch until it smells done or the cement mixer catches on fire and explodes.
I think you make sandwiches with it, but I’ve never remembered this far into the recipe because I’m either in the blackout stages of an alcoholic stupor or being rushed to a hospital.