Internet comments led me to believe that typing one-handed would be a more enjoyable experience

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Thanks, kid, but you must be thinking of someone else, I wasn’t on “Cheers.”

Well, Parker’s home and recuperating from surgery, and I still can’t use my dominant hand for more than a few minutes at a time (to answer the obvious question, no, I did not have my Rollerblading accident prior to drawing that Geraldo Rivera cartoon, and to answer the other obvious question, no, Parker wasn’t with me when I ate it; our injuries are unrelated, not that I’m entirely guilt-free as regards his tripedalism). But the internet craves content, and this hilarious story (note: the Onion AV Club is not a satirical site) gives me a thin excuse to repost something I wrote a few years ago, back when I didn’t have a platform and toiled away in obscurity. Bush was president then, though, so don’t get all nostalgic for the good ol’ days.

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Mel Gibson: Chemical Interactions

Alcohol: Belligerent anti-Semitism

Absinthe: Belligerent anti-Sem… whoa. Get. The fuck. Out.

Lithium: An even keel but a sneaking suspicion that he’s just not Mel without the anti-Semitism

LSD: Incense and anti-Semitismints the color of time

Marijuana: Pro-snackism

Peyote: His vision-quest spirit guide isn’t a Jew, is it? Dingos can’t be Jewish, right?

Isoflourine: Comforting sense that the Jewish problem will work itself out somehow

Odor particles, own feces: Preening self-satisfaction, conflation of identity with that of heroes portrayed, plus he just likes the smell

Exhaust fumes: A perfectly serviceable Aussie B-movie (add mohawk dander to increase awesomeness quotient tenfold)

Tina Turner, whose charisma should be regulated as a controlled substance: Trapeze fights? The fuck?

Mennen Aftershave: GrrraaaAAARRGH! (pounds sink with fist, hyperventilates through clenched teeth, stares wildly at self in mirror)

Zyklon B: Belated acceptance of its existence/lethality

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 04/12/12 at 11:19 AM • Permalink

Categories: MessylaneousMoviesMovie News

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