It Depends On Your Definition Of “Horror,” But Images Of Santorum And Meatgrinders Do It For Me

Brent Bozell is still cocky after his recent attention-getting media masterstroke of suggesting that describing President Obama as “a skinny ghetto crackhead” might be a valid campaigning tactic:

“How long do you think Sean Hannity’s show would last if four times in one sentence he made a comment about the president of the United States and said that he looked like a skinny ghetto crackhead?” Bozell asked.

“Which by the way, you might want to say that Barack Obama does,” Bozell opined.

Not bad for a pup who cut his teeth at the Parents Television Council, decrying the decline of decency in television programming.

A couple of days ago, Bozell persuaded me of the case for introducing a V-chip into online written media—preferably implanted in the region of his amygdala—with a PG-13 tour de force of projection. His thesis?

Clearly, Romney is the opponent that Barack Obama and the liberal establishment want nominated.

Journalists have mercilessly savaged every single conservative alternative to Romney who’s ascended to the top of the polls: Palin, Bachman, Cain, Perry and Gingrich. It’s too bad for them that the results from the Iowa caucuses threw off their bold predictions that the Romney juggernaut would achieve lift off in Des Moines, Iowa. Yet Romney won by only eight votes over, surprising, Rick Santorum. This means one thing only: Senator, step up to the guillotine.

I’m not sure whether we at Rumproast Towers count as a branch of the “liberal establishment”—and many would no doubt vehemently argue against our bona fides—but speaking for myself, the prospect of Romney as nominee leaves me lukewarm—which is apparently considerably warmer than his stock among a large swathe of the Republican electorate. Sure, he embodies highly mockable qualities of tonedeafness and entitlement that promise days of entertainment ahead.

But the problem with this GOP primary campaign is that it’s frontloaded all the fun into the first 20 minutes of the horror comedy hour, and all that’s in prospect is the tedious unraveling of the plot, leavened by the scant pleasure of pointing and laughing at the disarray and infighting among the GOP ranks as they awkwardly line up behind the eventual nominee before stabbing him in the back in the final scene. It’s a poor scriptwriter who kills off the most outrageous caricatures among the cast before the first ad break.

Having invoked a grisly image of the scaffold (we’ll gloss over the question of whether Romney even technically won the Iowa primary, let alone how many votes were involved, as that may yet exercise the Right in prolonged self-flagellation in the months to come), Bozell inexplicably fixates on a tool of butchery menacing Mitt:

“He’s about to face the meat grinder of tough scrutiny for the first time,” promised Ann Curry on the “Today” show. I’m still waiting for Obama to face the “meat grinder of tough scrutiny for the first time.” Instead, he gets to handle Barbara Walters’ slow-pitch puffballs in prime time, being asked what kind of superhero powers he’d like to have.

Some would protest Obama has faced some meat-grinder questions recently. Take the president’s “60 Minutes” favorite, Steve Kroft, who put some tough questions to the president on CBS in December. The complaint? Obama compromised too much with heinous right-wingers. Kroft scolded, “There are people in your own party who think that you were outmaneuvered, that you were stared down by John Boehner and Grover Norquist and capitulated. ... It seems to be all the compromising is being done by you.”

The compromising is supposed to be done by the conservatives. The media stayed on their message with a relentless discipline after the Iowa results. Santorum, like the other authentic conservatives, are too “far right” to win. Ann Curry started the meat grinder. “So is he going to have to change his conservative message as he’s looking into north, looking into New Hampshire, which is a much less conservative state?”

I suppose I should apologize for describing Ann Curry as “a tool of butchery” on his behalf, but Bozell can make amends for his “crackhead” crack first.

Poor pundits. Time and the polls move inexorably on. That is so last week. There’s only one meatgrinder in town, and it’s fully engaged in munching on the bones of the latest great white hope to emerge from the GOP electoral abattoir. A different day, a different primary:

Mitt Romney continues to be headed for a comfortable win in New Hampshire.  PPP’s final poll there finds him with 35% to 18% for Ron Paul, 16% for Jon Huntsman, 12% for Newt Gingrich, 11% for Rick Santorum, 3% for Buddy Roemer, and 1% for Rick Perry.

And so Santorum joins Paul’s eyebrow in the gathering pile of flyblown gristle and flesh, with Huntsman making a bid for being the fresh meat in next week’s Romney sandwich.

It’s going to be a long campaign. I’m a firm believer in the adage “Never interfere with your enemy when he’s in the process of destroying himself.” Bozell and the candidates have less to fear from butchery at the hands of liberals than the grinding exceeding small that’s being wrought at the hands of their own party. More power to their elbows, and may it be a long, hard, and above all dirty denouement, with a highly arguable conclusion. I’ll be over here in the peanut gallery with the popcorn concession and a quiverful of cheap shots.

Posted by YAFB on 01/09/12 at 11:07 AM • Permalink

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