I’ve been tagged: Six random things about me

John Cole from Balloon Juice “tagged” me to list six random things about myself. The rules, WHICH MUST BE LISTED, are below the fold. Here you go:

  1. I once spent a fairly long amount of time talking on the phone with Diana Ross. The conversation was mostly about internet-related stuff (someone referred her to me because she wanted advice on setting up an official web site) and she was really nice. On the other end of the musical spectrum, I’ve spoken twice on the phone with the very reclusive Don Van Vliet (aka Captain Beefheart). He was nice, too.  (Bonus fact: one of them used the phrase “fuck with my chrome” during one of the phone calls.  I’ll let you guess which one.)
  2. I have been known to grab squeeze bottles of brown deli mustard out of the refrigerator and squirt the contents right into my mouth.  I have done that a lot.  Sue me.  I love mustard. (Bonus fact: I hate mustard on burgers, though. And key lime pie.)
  3. I was editor-in-chief and co-founder of a humor magazine in college called The Chunk. It was originally called The Monthly Chunk but we had a hard time staying on schedule due to our debilitating drug and alcohol problems. The National Lampoon, which was a mere shell of its former self at the time, was so pissed off about an article one of our writers penned about how their magazine wasn’t funny anymore that they took a stab at The Chunk in one of their issues. I can’t remember what they wrote about us (the magazine is buried in storage somewhere), but I do remember that it was horribly unfunny. (Bonus fact: still not funny.)
  4. I hardly ever use the word “awesome.” It’s not that I hate the word or anything, it’s just that for some reason I never incorporate it into my conversations or my writing. I noticed it a few months ago and I guess this is as good a place as any to share that utterly useless fact. (Bonus fact: one of my favorite words is “unctuous,” but I hardly ever use that one either.)
  5. I was held up at gunpoint only a few months after I moved to New York City in the early nineties. I was walking through a desolate part of Greenpoint, a Polish neighborhood in Brooklyn I was living in at the time, when I was “accosted” by the “perp.” I gave him all of the money I had on me (I think it was about 60 bucks) and he asked me for my wallet.  I said to him, I shit you not, “I have my bank slips in there and I have to balance my checkbook.”  For some insane reason he thought that was an okay excuse and after he told me to turn around and run in the other direction, I thought to myself, “If I was him, I’d shoot me now for saying something so idiotic.” When I got back to my apartment I told my roommate the story and proceeded to chug inordinate amounts of amaretto, which was unfortunately the only booze we had in the joint. (Bonus fact: chugging amaretto sucks nearly as much as getting mugged at gunpoint.)
  6. A lot of folks justifiably loathe Rupert Holmes’ “Escape (The Pina Colada Song),” but I think his song “Him” just may be the most impenetrably awful song ever created. I don’t care how old Holmes is right now, but if he ever gets near me I’ll punch him really hard in the face for writing and performing that abomination. (Bonus fact: if Rupert is, in fact, dead, I’ll hunt down his ghost and punch that fucking thing in the face.  That’s how much I hate that goddamn song.)

I now “tag” the following poor (but totally awesome) souls who would probably rather enjoy the Thanksgiving holiday than deal with something as silly as this: Betty Cracker, Brown Man Thinking Hard,  ts from Instaputz, TRex, maha, and Ta-Nehisi Coates.

THE SIX RANDOM THINGS RULES:

  1. Link to the person who tagged you.
  2. Post the rules on your blog.
  3. Write six random things about yourself.
  4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
  5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
  6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

Posted by Kevin K. on 11/26/08 at 10:24 AM • Permalink

Categories: MessylaneousRumproast Related

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Bonus fact: I hate mustard on burgers, though. And key lime pie.

Yeah, mustard doesn’t go well with pie, generally speaking.

Yeah, mustard doesn’t go well with pie, generally speaking.

I wish someone had told me.

That Rupert Holmes link was pure evil.

That Rupert Holmes link was pure evil.

My humble apologies. If it makes you feel better, I started choking on my tongue about one minute into it and had to shut down my browser.

I’ll have to think on that a bit and get back to you. Regarding “Him, Him! HIM!,” it is indeed evil and wretched, but I don’t think it’s as bad as this.

A lot of folks justifiably loathe Rupert Holmes’ “Escape (The Pina Colada Song),” but his song “Him” just may be the most impenetrably awful song ever created.

I dunno - either song is grounds to commit felonious bodily harm on him.

This song, though, is even worse.

Comment by Tracy on 11/26/08 at 11:46 AM

Betty, will you ever speak to me again if I told you I kinda like that song (in a totally cheesy way)? If so, pretend you never read that.

Tracy, never heard that before and, yeah, it’s horrible, but it kinda slots into the so-bad-it’s-good realm.

Rupert still rules TEH SUCK!  Bring it on, people.

Tracy, oh my god! That is grand-master level suck. Kevin, you can like Gilbert O’Sullivan, even though he makes me ashamed for my people.

Now that “Him” has been rattling around my brain for a few hours (thanks, dick), let me point out the most annoying thing- his whiny ultimatum that she is going to do without him or do without “me.”

Get a clue, Rupert.  She already has made her choice.  You were found lacking, which is why she is with “him.”

Wanker.

Hear, hear, Mr Cole! And I might also inform Mr. O’Sullivan that the reason he finds himself so bereft of company is that he’s a puling, maudlin wanker with funny hair and worse fashion sense. And while we’re at it, I sincerely hope Joey didn’t run fast enough and his girlfriend’s dad shot the stupid bastard right in the sack. I couldn’t bear to watch the whole vid thru, even with that tantalizing possible outcome at stake.

If you like brown spicy mustard
Gettin’ caught in the rain
If you’re not into Rupert
If you have half a brain

I love that John just went after Rupert Holmes like he was Paul Lukasiak or something. Bravo.

Betty, no way did you post that stupid video!!! I was reading a blog the other day about lame-ass, self-indulgent songs and I posted the same video link…sad to say I actually remember when this song came out. It was on the radio CONSTANTLY.

You and I must be twins separated at birth.

Donna

sad to say I actually remember when this song came out. It was on the radio CONSTANTLY.

Me too.  Except I had managed to repress it until I clicked on that link.  Thanks a bunch.  Every time I heard I would scream “Yes, Naturally, because you are such a whiny dick!”  Now that song will probably play in my head the whole day.

Betty, thanks for the Firefox tip - I am loving it.  A lot of problems that I thought were caused by crappy Comcast it seems like were actually IE related.  Still have to keep it on my desktop since some work related software only supports IE but otherwise I’m done with it.

That’s “every time I heard it I would scream . . .”  Got to take the time to use that old “preview” button.  Speaking of commenting, well not a great segue but it’ll do, can someone explain to me how to do strikeout when you’re writing a comment?

marin, same tag structure as b (bold) or i (italics), but use the full word “strike” between the <>‘s.

Hmmm. This is going to require some thought.

Like <strike>this</strike> that? Yeah, I think I got it!  Thanks.

Wow Tracy, just ... fucking WOW!

I sincerely hope Joey didn’t run fast enough and his girlfriend’s dad shot the stupid bastard right in the sack.

Yup. And then let’s hope dad turned his Remington and shot this motherfucker for the worst fucking song ever written or performed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkuwjP0yHEA

Comment by HumboldtBlue on 11/26/08 at 03:00 PM

Then again, this will make you stick un-bended paper clips first into your eyes and then into your ears.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cii020JC5vA

Comment by HumboldtBlue on 11/26/08 at 03:07 PM

Hmmm. This is going to require some thought.

Just don’t try it after a few Jamesons like I did last night.

Wow Tracy, just ... fucking WOW!

Thanks - as a survivor of the 70s, all those bad songs are permanently implanted. Like this one.

Comment by Tracy on 11/26/08 at 03:35 PM

Just don’t try it after a few Jamesons like I did last night.

Then I’ll have more than a few.

Like this one.

Okay, that one really sucked.

There are times when I just have to say what is on my mind and this is one of those times, that song is fucking awful.

If we’re doing the 70’s up right, we need some Terry Hacks, I mean Terry Jacks:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfm-17pu6SQ

Unless he died right after this came out, there is no justice.

Comment by donnah on 11/26/08 at 04:09 PM

Wow Donnah, that’s amazingly bad. I had forgotten that one. This comment sums up that song the best, however ...

TeAnneArt (1 day ago)
I picked this as my funeral song when it first came out.

I’m scaring myself because I remember so many of those dreadful things, Humbolt.  They just don’t write them like that anymore.


Thank the gods.

It’s up, d00d.

If you have XM find the 70’s channel.  They play shit you never knew you knew.  You listen for awhile and think “why do I know all the words to this song? It was the worst song ever!” 

For those of you who posted all that bubbling mess of YouTube, tell me you didn’t know at least SOME of the words….c’mon, I know you did.

And thanks, Tracy - I’ve had Torn Between Two Lovers in my head for hours now.  I’m about to listen to some of the punk on this site just to make it go away!

Because no one does nonsensical bombast better than Neil Diamond:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwircEDCss8

I mean, that whole “not even the chair” thing still cracks me up. When you can’t count on inanimate objects for empathy, what’s left, right?

Comment by Kerry Reid on 11/26/08 at 07:14 PM

I had thankfully forgotten most of those insipid piles of pap . I’d STILL kick Rupert in the balls if I ever met him just on general principal , and because of the girlfriend I had in college that actually forced me to listen his suckfest of an album.
And as long as we’re on the subject of 70’s suckitude , who can forget this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_l0as6tCcs
I always figured Clint Holmes was a closet pedophile , trolling for little kids on the playground with a pocket full of nickels.

Comment by Speedy on 11/26/08 at 08:13 PM

I always figured Clint Holmes was a closet pedophile , trolling for little kids on the playground with a pocket full of nickels.

Ooh, Clint Holmes.  I believe we’ve all been trumped.
Here’s a palate cleanser - stoopid, yet fun.

Comment by Tracy on 11/26/08 at 09:07 PM

Damn you to Wasilla twice for reminding me the airwaves were once besmirched by a song called “Him.”

No, I’m not clicking on any of the links and you can’t make me!

I have to say the worst of all is “Having My Baby”. I thought/hoped as we aged we would forget mindless unimportant BS insipid pop tunes! nope. sigh.

I have to say the worst of all is “Having My Baby”

This is on my list as a finalist for “Most Insipid Sexist Song Ever”.  It’s competing with John Denver’s “Follow Me.”  I don’t have a link to either nor would I even try to find one!

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