Jindal Battles Gulf Spill with Armed Churchgoers and Tighter Regs on Abortion and Anal Sex

Bobby Jindal

Gov. Bobby Jindal, the Hero of the Macondo Catastrophe, maintained his steely focus on preserving the lives, livelihoods and pristine paleo-values of Louisiana voters by signing a slew of new laws designed to stanch the gushing leak of Liberalism and prevent the spreading ooze of Godless Progressive Degeneracy from violating the virgin ideological swamps of Dixie.

Among other take-charge, emergency initiatives, Jindal autographed new restrictions on abortions, a law permitting the carry of firearms in places of worship, a State-level opt-out on key provisions of Federal HCR, and revised regulations against the practice and solicitation of sodomy:

§89. Crime against nature

A. Crime against nature is: (1) the unnatural carnal copulation by a human being with another of the same sex or opposite sex or with an animal, except that anal sexual intercourse between two human beings shall not be deemed as a crime against nature when done under any of the circumstances described in R.S. 14:41, 14:42, 14:42.1 or 14:43. Emission is not necessary; and, when committed by a human being with another, the use of the genital organ of one of the offenders of whatever sex is sufficient to constitute the crime.

Rumproast readers who are familiar with the non-criminal exemptions for ass-fucking and bestiality itemized in R.S. 14:41, 14:42, 14:42.1 and 14:43 are invited to email me privately, because I gotsta know.

In a time of ecological crisis, corporate cover-ups and bureaucratic dithering, it’s good to see that “America’s First Mate” has his priorities straight.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 07/07/10 at 11:21 PM • Permalink

Categories: News • Politics • Nutters •

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Well that’s ... odd. Those are La’s rape statutes.

Comment by Hunger Tallest Palin on 07/07/10 at 11:35 PM

Best. pShop. Ever. Also2.

Comment by Hunger Tallest Palin on 07/07/10 at 11:36 PM

Thanks, HTP. I wish I’d had Photoshop when I did those head-swaps on Lee Harvey Oswald. Back then, you could never get the shadows right.

Comment by StrangeAppar8us on 07/07/10 at 11:42 PM

Louisiana is not alone. While well over half the state of Tennessee was submerged, our newly-Republican lege spent all their time passing a law to allow guns in bars.

Sad thing is, our state Dem Party will inevitably fail to hang that around their necks like the albatross it is.

Comment by hamletta on 07/08/10 at 12:14 AM

Up next: Sarah Palin as the Skipper? #wecanonlyhope

Comment by bjkeefe on 07/08/10 at 01:03 AM

R.S. 14:41, 14:42, and 14:43 are the legal definitions and standards for rape, so I guess the bill is stating that buttsex isn’t included in those cases because it’s already a crime.

Comment by D Johnston on 07/08/10 at 01:07 AM

Oh, great. That means it’s only a “crime against nature” when it’s consensual.

When it’s rape, it’s just a routine felony because rape is a natural urge.

Glad we cleared that up.

Comment by StrangeAppar8us on 07/08/10 at 01:19 AM

so I guess the bill is stating that buttsex isn’t included in those cases because it’s already a crime.

Jindal will earn the undying gratitude of the GOP by creating a database of people who like anal.

No honestly, I can’t make heads or tails (har!) of what the law means.

Comment by Hunger Tallest Palin on 07/08/10 at 01:33 AM

Firearms in church won’t mean a thing until we can have shotgun gay weddings too.

L’il Buddy also signed into law the requirement that all women seeking abortions must first get pre-natal sonograms, but it’s unspecified just who rubs the pregnant woman’s nose in the resulting image.

That’s between the woman and her doctor. And the latex-glove-restrained hand of government.

Comment by Mrs. Polly on 07/08/10 at 02:01 AM

No honestly, I can’t make heads or tails (har!) of what the law means.

That’s probably why the law was stricken in the first place. What constitutes an “unnatural act,” anyway? Oral sex? Coitus interruptus? The law sure doesn’t define it (apart from anal, of course). Why are conservatives so fixated on the bum, anyway? Freud would have a field day.

Comment by D Johnston on 07/08/10 at 02:31 AM

Isn’t this all so much posturing since Lawrence v. Texas?

Comment by Mike on 07/08/10 at 03:02 AM

Sane people should stay away from bars and churches frequented by rightwingers. We can lobby for a national holiday celebrating the day the last of the trigger happy teabaggers kill each other off.

Comment by Glix on 07/08/10 at 03:09 AM

GILLIGAN! Drop those coconuts!

Sigh, I miss the 1980s Bloom County…

Comment by Thers on 07/08/10 at 04:36 AM

Okay, that p-shop of Jindal wins the internet. Thanks for giving me an excuse not to post anything today because I don’t want to push that below the fold EVER.

Comment by Kevin K. on 07/08/10 at 06:19 AM

Really need to add to the praise about the Gilligan-Jindal photoshop. Made me laugh out loud and wonder why I’d never seen the resemblance between the two before.

Comment by Scott on 07/08/10 at 07:14 AM

Mike - Lawrence v. Texas was a clear instance of activist judges shoving sodomy down America’s throat.

Or something.

When I was young and innocent of the ways of wingnuts I thought crimes against nature had something to do with mass murder or torture or dumping kittens in a wood chipper for shits and grins.

You know, really horrific and bad things. Silly me!

Comment by Hunger Tallest Palin on 07/08/10 at 07:20 AM

Wow, Jindal really does look like Gilligan! And Haley Barbour bears more than a passing resemblance to Skipper.

Funny how a party that is supposedly so against gubmint overreach is in favor of highly detailed legislative restrictions on buttsecs…

Comment by Betty Cracker on 07/08/10 at 08:02 AM

He’s all about rum, sodomy and the lash.

Comment by justlen on 07/08/10 at 09:48 AM

I don’t want to look at anything today other than this picture. Or any other day, I reckon.

So let’s finish the casting. Palin would have to be Mary Ann (she’s a Mary Ann who thinks she’s a Ginger.) Barbour we’ve got for the Skipper. I’m thinking Peggy Noonan for Lovey. Who would play Thurston? Bill Kristol for the professor, since everything he thinks will work out never does?

Comment by Oblomova on 07/08/10 at 09:57 AM

Who would play Thurston?

Granny McConnell!

Comment by gimmeabreak on 07/08/10 at 10:15 AM

Gimme, of course! I should have thought of that. I guess Bachmann is Ginger by default, huh?

Comment by Oblomova on 07/08/10 at 10:21 AM

I smell a team project here. We need photoshops of the rest of the crew, and parody lyrics of the theme song. Put it all together and you’ve got a YouTube sensation.

Comment by Allan on 07/08/10 at 10:59 AM

And this could be our “three hour tour.”

Comment by Allan on 07/08/10 at 11:01 AM

He’s all about rum, sodomy and the lash.

Yes…but necrophilia is right out.

Comment by StrangeAppar8us on 07/08/10 at 11:10 AM

Thanks, Strange. Because of that ridiculous picture of Gilligan Jindal, I have not been able to get the Gilligan’s Isle jingle out of my head ALL DAY: ‘...the Minnow would’ve been lost, the Minnow would’ve been lost ...Gilligannnn, the Skipper too, the millionaire and his wife, the moooovie star, the Professor and Maryanne, here on Gilligan’s Isle…’
There - I hope you suffer ...