Judge Jeanine Is Tired Of Charades

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Judge Jeanine Pirro is a very smart, well-educated lady who has recently lost her marbles.  But, thanks to the safety net provided by wingnut welfare—Fox News and assorted other cable producers of “reality” fare—the lady has landed on her feet.

Pirro’s Fox soapbox, the ambitiously named Justice with Judge Jeanine, certainly got Bob Cesca‘s attention in June 2014:

Frankly, we hadn’t heard of her until this past weekend when she delivered a rant about President Obama and the fiasco in Iraq. Based on the reactions online and in social media, the segment has elevated her within the hierarchy of sociopathic rogues, screechers and former morning zoo deejays in the far-right media.

Pirro’s five-minute tirade had everything: finger-wagging, fear-mongering, misinformation, wild conspiracy theories, the phrase “cut and run” and, naturally, ball-shaming. It’s a cocktail of Obama Derangement Syndrome delivered with laser-like precision directly into the outrage cortexes of typical Fox News viewers, likely inducing octogenarian white-guy erections with tensile strengths not experienced since Don Ameche, Wilford Brimley and Hume Cronyn splashed around in that magical pool in Cocoon.

Clearly that was not an isolated incident.  Ms Pirro’s got game in the unhinged rant department and is quickly becoming something of a rock-star in the anti-Obama and ShariaPanic genres.

This past Sunday, Pirro dedicated her entire Sunday time slot to the threat of ISIS in the ‘Hood.  Forty-five minutes of Extreme Obama-bashing with a few other Islamaphobic Fox News “contributors” was topped off by a visit from former Navy SEAL, Larry Yatch, to explain how average Americans can protect themselves from homicidal jihadis hiding in plain sight.

Mr Yatch offered up some great SEAL-ish tips like:

Get a mindset, you’ve got to be prepared.

Have a plan and prepare in advance with the right equipment.

Everyone needs a “Go Bag” with food and a water filtration system.

Anyone who wears high heels to work should never leave home without a spare pair of running shoes.

You’ll also probably need “comfort items,” a mobile phone charger and a knife.

If you think that advice is a little sketchy and lacking in pertinent details like “what plan?” or “what is the right equipment?” that would be because ex-SEAL Yatch has a business plan to adhere to and it doesn’t include giving too many of these tips away for free.

You see, Larry Yatch has built himself a nice lucrative little enterprise based on exploiting paranoia, ignorance, Islamaphobia and any other crazy-pants theory that Americans fear will ultimately result in their demise.

Mr Yatch calls this venture Sealed Mindset: Education and Training for Personal Safety and, according to the website, Sealed Mindset has about a hundred different ways to part fools from their money.

The company offers 73 defense classes each month and “live scenario trainings” designed to mimic actual threats. Yatch has set up fake kidnappings, fake carjackings, and even a fake shooting by a disgruntled employee.

The lobby of Sealed Mindset looks more like an expensive spa than a gun range - a spa with custom-made assault rifles mounted on the wall. There’s also a babysitting room, so parents can practice their ninja moves when someone else watches the kids.

Among Sealed Mindset‘s myriad offerings, my personal fave has to be the Hunt for Osama re-enactment.  For a very reasonable $325 you, too, can hunt down and kill “Osama bin Laden”—an actor, named Beau Doboszenski, in a really cheesy Arab costume.

According to a Gawker review:

[the experience] begins with practice with real firearms aimed at an Osama target, during which Yatch tells the gunners to aim for “anything above the moustache to below the turban.”

Once sufficiently amped up by the sensation of pumping deadly bullets out of a rifle, participants are then led on a mission to storm Osama’s lair, which is actually just a musty room in Sealed Mindset’s 10,000-square-foot studio. The toy soldiers kick in the door and shoot Osama with paintballs, and then the man in the Osama costume slumps over like he’s dead, and everyone hoots and howls, about a fake killing.

According to Minnesota Public Radio reporter Madeleine Baran, people walk away from Osama’s corpse enthused. “That was awesome,” one woman told her.

Just think how much safer we’d be, as a country, if every American man, woman and child had first-hand experience of blowing up Osama bin Laden . . . ?

Thanks, Judge Jeanine, for putting us all in touch with Larry Yatch.

After that segment, Judge Jeanine heard from a few fans about the measures that they, personally, were taking to prevent being beheaded at the mall . . .

Felicia said she was preparing with a three month supply of food storage, 1,000 rounds of ammunition, and she was living “as normally as I can.”

Susan wrote in that she had been “practicing at the gun range, and I just bought myself a pretty pink pistol.”

Carol advised that she was “target practicing and praying.”

Pirro added that viewers needed to stock up on ammo before Homeland Security hoarded all of it.

Posted by Bette Noir on 10/01/14 at 08:15 AM • Permalink

Categories: PoliticsNuttersOur Stupid Media

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I can’t stand watching/monitoring FAUX news, but thanks for keeping me up to date on why my alcohol-addled parents are becoming increasingly paranoid and crazy.  My dad’s always been a Bircher and a wingnut, but it has hit light speed recently, and the many hours of FAUX per day is the fuel source. 

So a fan is “living as normally as I can”; Bully for her; I suspect that being her neighbor or co-worker rather sucks though.  Sealed Mindset = Closed Minded Assholes(tm).

Carol advised that she was “target practicing and praying.”

Just like her twin is over on the other side of the planet.  I wish these people could step back and see how much they’re like the people they fear so much.

she was the DA who supposedly never lost a case. i guess plea bargains don’t count as a loss.

Wait, what is a mindset exactly? Like a headset except it closes off your entire brain instead of just your ears?

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