What sort of self-hating thunderfuck names their dog “Parker?” What, was Jeeves too stiff, Winston too smarmy, Lord Bashington of Dipshit on Vine too parochial?

What a waste of a perfectly good holiday Halloween has always been and always will be.

Boba Fett, not Jango.  Jango’s helmet was blue and silver.  :-)

You beat me to it, icruise.

Er, I meant to type “Patrick” there instead of my own name…

Any troll-ass motherfuckers wanna test me by saying Parker looks great in his “Jango Fett” helmet? Go on, hotshot, do it, I dare you.

Aww, why can’t we say the little pup looks great?

The Freddie Kruger glove/paw will be funny until the heat death of the universe.

Glad I’m not the only one who thought “He means Boba.” Of course I didn’t see the movie featuring Jango Fett because [Pours kerosene]
the later Star Wars movies [Lights match]
Totally Sucked Rush Limbaugh’s Unwashed Arse. [Drops match, strolls away whistling]

I’m more worried about the dog’s laser eyes, to be honest. I know how to defend against claws, but I have no idea what to do with laser eyes.

This kind, HumboldtBlue.

(throws hands in air, makes “aw shit” face)

I have no idea what to do with laser eyes.

Are you every writer who ever worked on the X-Men, by any chance?

Regarding the Fett vs. Fett wars—and, in fact, all Star Wars fan-purity disputes—I am reminded of this warning from Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas:

KNOW YOUR DOPE FIEND. YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT! You will not be able to see his eyes because of Tea-Shades, But his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can’t find a rape victim. He will stagger and babble when questioned. He will not respect your badge. The Dope Fiend fears nothing. He will attack, for no reason, with every weapon at his command-including yours.

There is something deeply depraved and repellent about obsessive fanboy one-upsmanship—and I should know, because I touched George Reeves’ actual blue Superman jersey from the color seasons, not the brown-and-white prototype he wore in the b/w shows…and definitely NOT one of the doctored-up “Clark’s closet” prop suits that didn’t have the sewn-in foam muscles.