Loon of Alabama: TP Candidate Likes Billiards, Hates Islam, Enjoys Long Talks with the Dead

I thought Dale Peterson had a lock on Freakiest Alabama Campaign Spot of 2010, but Montgomery billiards maven Rick Barber breaks clean and runs the Crazy Table in his latest TV ad.

Flintlocks—check. Constitution—check. Bad wigs—check, check and check. But “Gather your armies”? I guess that’s either winky Tea Party code-speak, or Colonial slang for “Whassssssup?”

UPDATE: TUESDAY, 10:28AM—Glenn Beck just called Barber “the stupidest person I’ve ever seen” for running this ad, which is yet more evidence that Dick Armey is now totally in command of Beck’s Brain.

Even more than Confiscatory Taxes and Tyrannical Big Government, Rick hates him some Islam…and he’s ready to take a pool-cue to it below the fold.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/14/10 at 07:22 AM • Permalink

Categories: PoliticsElection '10NuttersTeabaggery

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He knows his audience. Still, the seance with the Founding Fathers might have been a little much, even for the Heart o’ Dixie.

Oh show us the way to the next costume party….

Of course, the original Tea Party was about taxation without representation, not just over a tea tax. By that token, the only people who should be putting on the wigs and frock coats and taking their flintlocks to the streets are the residents of DC, which I’m sure would go over like gangbusters.

Otherwise, just protesting a tea tax is pretty silly.

It was hard to make out through the spittle flecks but . . . filing a tax return is the same as spying on ourselves?  I can guess what this guy’s feelings about the Census are too!

I can’t bring myself ... I love history too much ... I can’t ... do ... it.

Oh sweet Jesus humping a lobsterback…

Damn, shouldn’t have watched that before my second cuppa.  Should go over well with the ‘baggers though.

I say he’ll be caught with a wide stance by August.

As I watched this, I couldn’t stop thinking of Ted Healey and His Stooges. I kept waiting for Barber to triple-slap Sam Adams, Franklin and Washington and call them “chuckleheads” for not getting off their dead asses and helping him lead the Second Revolution.

I reference the “Healey Era” of the Stooges, since we all know how that worked out for Ted.

Hey Rick Barber: as a resident of a “donor state” that pays out more in taxes than it receives, I’d love to “gather our armies” to keep your redneck welfare state from sucking down more than its share of tax revenues. Make a commercial promising to guarantee that no state gets more money back from the feds than it pays into the national coffers and then I’ll maybe think you’ve got something.

Oh hell—no I won’t. You’ll still be a shitbrained twatwaffle.

. . hey, uh, Rick, you got a little piece of schmutz, over on your, uh, cheek, just below—no—a little lower, err, yeah, yeah, okay, hmmm, okay, yeah, that’s got it.


Close the door! Yer lettin’ mosquitoes in the house!


If only some rich Hollywood liberal would finance the final reel of that movie:

Franklin:  Young man, our issue with taxes was that we lacked representation, which we solved by establishing the body called Congress.  Since you aspire to join it, you might want to learn more about it.

Sam Adams:  Yes, you pissant, you would learn all about it if you read that document in whose name you claim the right to foment treason against your government.

Washington:  In the Whiskey Rebellion, I led US military forces to enforce the government’s right to collect taxes, and did so proudly.  Sounds to me as if someone wasn’t paying attention in history class.

Cut to:  The Oval Office

Franklin, Sam Adams and Washington, a bound and gagged Rick Barber in tow, greet President Obama.

Washington:  Here, commander, is the seditious traitor who was the topic of my recent missive.

Obama:  Thank you, Mr. President, and to all of you, for your fine work and support.

Sam Adams:  You’re most welcome, sir.  And, if I may say so, after the last eight years, it’s great to have a president who knows what a library is.

Everyone laughs, including Barber through his gag.


Allan FTW! (And if you want, I’ll change all those Jefferson references to “Sam Adams”—although, unless you listen real close, that third guy could just as well be Uriah Heep.)

Be my guest, it’s just a cocktail-napkin sketch.  Any more actual history that makes Barber look even stupider is also welcome.

Allan—Done. We’ll save Jefferson for the sequel, DEAD PATRIOTS II: THE DE-BAGGENING.

We’ll save Jefferson for the sequel, DEAD PATRIOTS II: THE DE-BAGGENING.

So you’re not going with MY idea—Gather Your Armies: Electric Boogaloo? Fine.

First time I’ve seen a circle jerk around the constitution…

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