Making a Living Robbing Fools

Soul Brother #1,376,782 Gil Mann here, with a little something to cap off Rumproast’s celebration of Black History Month. We did that, right? We didn’t? Then how come I kept seeing pictures of Malcolm X on the front pa… it was? Y’know, I thought it was weird that he switched to contacts, thanks for clearing that up.

KKKanada’s Most Wingnutted
a play in, like, a quarter of an act

Hey, Seth Rogen, how you doin’, man? You seem kinda down in the mouth, not your usual bouncy self. You’re not still bummed out about Paul, are you? C’mon, it’s gonna find its audience on DVD, plus that cancer movie you did was huge with critics, I don’t think you need to worry abou… oh, I’m terribly sorry, you’re Mark Steyn! That explains the hateful vibe radiating off you in waves. So what’ve you been up to lately?


Ooh, wrote another book, didja? Good for you! And a New York Times bestseller at that, looks like you’re doin’ alright for yourself. Um… gotta ask though… you listen to hip-hop at all, Mark? I know you’re a big music fan.

Confronted with “Fuck the Police” by Niggaz With Attitude…

Well, not necessarily that song, but sure, okay. Not one of your faves?

Mercer would barely have registered the content, but he would have raised an amused eyebrow at the attempted rhyme of “product” and “narcotics” and, more than that, would have been astounded at how the words are not, in any way, musical words shaped to the notes or intervals.

I guess you’re more of an American Songbook guy. I only ask about hip-hop because…

Forget all those bogus generalizations about “energy” and “drive”; musically, Ice Cube’s “The Nigga Ya Love to Hate” isn’t a patch on “When My Sugar Walks Down the Street,” never mind “All the Things You Are.”

Wow, you really don’t like Cube, huh? First his band NWA, now…

If Ice Cube wasn’t rappin’ about terminating an unwanted pregnancy by booting his woman in the belly, none of us would be the slightest bit interested. And even then, we’re not that interested. This is one “authentic black experience” that doesn’t travel beyond the ghetto.

Okay, you’re startin’ to weird me out a little. It’s just funny that you’re so hung up on Ice Cube because, and I don’t mean to cast aspersions, but… well, look, why don’t I just give you this CD. You can have it, I’ve got all the good tracks on mp3 anyway.

Dude, what’re you… why are you waving a bacon strip in my face? And don’t… hey! Not cool siccing your dog on somebody, Steyn, not cool at all. Uh… even if he is perfectly friendly. Hey buddy! Who’s a good boy?

Hold on, do you think I’m Muslim or something? Is that what this is abou… aaaand now you’re drawing a cartoon of Mohammed. Okay, I’m outta here, enjoy the CD.


Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 02/29/12 at 11:42 AM • Permalink

Categories: I Don't Know Much About Art, But I Know What I LikeImagesMusicPoliticsNutters

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Steyn’s a poser.  Anyone who listened to NWA back in the late 80s knows the title was ‘Fuck tha Police’

Comment by JasonM on 02/29/12 at 12:00 PM

I couldn’t tell without reading the book (and I’m sure not going to do that…) but is he really talking about NWA in 2012?  Talk about your greatest hits.  Heck Ice Cube is doing kids movies these days.  Maybe he can call up Dan Quayle for some quotes.

Shit, Jason, I didn’t even catch that. I was just glad he eschewed standardized spelling for the band name.

Speaking of music and the deleterious effect that young black men are having on our nation with their snappy beats, heavy bass and snarling pit-bull faces I agree wholly with Steyn

Comment by HumboldtBlue on 02/29/12 at 01:15 PM

@negative 1: To be fair, that article (and the book it was based on) came out in 1994. This was more about Steyn borrowing some material from Sir Cube.

Though I hadn’t heard about the new book. Is it as bad as the old one? Does he try to be funny in this one too?

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