Michelle Obama Wears Inappropriate Dress to Psycho Picnic

No, that’s not the real dress (which you can see below the fold). And, actually, the “psycho picnic” was happening at Drudge and a passel of wingnut blogs (e.g., Daily Caller, this idiot, some other idiot) where posters and commenters were aghast at the white-and-black designer tank-top Michelle wore on her goodwill visit to the oil-threatened beaches of Panama City, FL.

That’s because random swirls of black dye on white fabric look just like an oil spill; which is to say, Michelle’s tank-top was an arrogant, elitist, dismissive, subliminal message to stricken Gulf-Coasters to Go Fuck Themselves. Not even the metal plate in Glenn Beck’s head could shield him from the overpowering psychic blasts of Marie Antoinette-like Out-of-Touchness that emanated from the First Lady’s Evil-Drenched Death-Tunic. 

Judge for yourself: If you squint hard enough, you can practically see the methane bubbling out of the airy fabric, and hear the expiring wails of seagulls and dolphins trapped in its tight, stylish, yet remarkably breathable blended-fiber weave.

Or not. If you’re like me, you see Indians on horseback and the Triumph of Powered Flight. Or maybe a flashy hommage to ‘60s tie-dye.

What you probably don’t see, of course, is the sputtering rage behind your eyes that seeks out its own perfect reflection in whatever Michelle Obama happens to be wearing on any given day. 

And since you don’t possess the “Super Founder’s Vision” that enables paranoid patriots to see what Liberals really are behind their smooth talk and cynical rhetoric, I’ve prepared a series of visual aids designed to help you experience what it’s like to be a Total Conservative Crazy-Fuck. 

Here, for example, is Michelle Obama in the same dress, discussing the epidemic of childhood obesity:

Here’s Michelle encouraging new college graduates to choose public service over corporate careerism:

And here’s Michelle thanking the soldiers at Camp Pendleton for their heroic service and sacrifice on behalf of the American people, and in the defense of free people everywhere:

Feel free to share your own favorite MO hallucinations in the comments. And don’t forget—she has a big butt and frequently makes scary “black person” faces, both of which prove that she hates America.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 07/14/10 at 06:32 PM • Permalink

Categories: PoliticsBedwettersNuttersSkull Hampers

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Considering how ofter all the girls and women in Prez Obama’s family get attacked, I’m surprised they haven’t found something vile to say about Michelle’s mother!

Beck’s just jealous that his wife isn’t even half as hot as Michelle is. She can make ‘angry black person’ faces at me all day. My wife can’t read this, can she?

I don’t think this quite compares to this gem from the last president’s mother, spoken in the AstroDome after Katrina:

“And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this — this [she chuckles slightly] is working very well for them.”

Oh Nellcote, they have!

Comment by Oblomova on 07/14/10 at 07:52 PM

Nellcote, I believe some of our Puma pals were disparaging of their tax dollars going to housing and feeding the sleeveless one’s mom.

I’d say that Myra Adams in your Daily Crawler link up there had better get a glazier lined up for her glass house pronto.

Can you say plumehead?

Hey, she started it.

The woman is a gargoyle.

@Millionsix—If she is, then she’s the gargoyle who’s running your world right now, and probably will be till 2016.

Learn to Love the Gargoyle. I know you can do it.

Hmm, I found a First Lady’s Evil-Drenched Death-Tunic playing Diablo 2 last week.

How inconsiderate of Michelle not to remember to control for paranoid psychotics when assembling her wardrobe. Doesn’t she know she’s supposed to cover up in something plain? Blue is a nice first-ladylike color. And perhaps an attached hat, or a veil. With a little screen so that she could make all the angry black person faces she wants and nobody would be the wiser. Certainly not Medusa Adams of the Failing Trawler.

What you probably don’t see, of course, is the sputtering rage behind your eyes that seeks out its own perfect reflection in whatever Michelle Obama happens to be wearing on any given day.

Most eloquently said, Strange.

Why is the First Lady wearing a top made from Rorschach’s mask?

Comment by Rob on 07/15/10 at 06:41 AM

Rorschach (the psychiatrist) did spring to mind for me too, Rob (and I think it’s one of the things Strange was driving at in this post).

The amount of projection the First Lady attracts from wingnuts is astonishing.

Beck’s just jealous that his wife isn’t even half as hot as Michelle is. She can make ‘angry black person’ faces at me all day. My wife can’t read this, can she?

Beck is married?!? What’s his name? (Sorry, cheapest of cheap shots, but hey.)

I’m envisioning them both crying through most dinners together, but for very different reasons.

Considering how ofter all the girls and women in Prez Obama’s family get attacked, I’m surprised they haven’t found something vile to say about Michelle’s mother!
Comment by Nellcote on 07/14/10 at 08:48 PM

You must have missed this: http://wonkette.com/410601/is-barack-obamas-mother-in-l aw-a-black-witch from the idiotic racists at Townhall.com

Sorry to be the one bringing such stupidity to your attention. :(

Comment by pwc on 07/16/10 at 03:48 PM
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