Michelle Obama Wears Inappropriate Dress to Psycho Picnic
No, that’s not the real dress (which you can see below the fold). And, actually, the “psycho picnic” was happening at Drudge and a passel of wingnut blogs (e.g., Daily Caller, this idiot, some other idiot) where posters and commenters were aghast at the white-and-black designer tank-top Michelle wore on her goodwill visit to the oil-threatened beaches of Panama City, FL.
That’s because random swirls of black dye on white fabric look just like an oil spill; which is to say, Michelle’s tank-top was an arrogant, elitist, dismissive, subliminal message to stricken Gulf-Coasters to Go Fuck Themselves. Not even the metal plate in Glenn Beck’s head could shield him from the overpowering psychic blasts of Marie Antoinette-like Out-of-Touchness that emanated from the First Lady’s Evil-Drenched Death-Tunic.
Judge for yourself: If you squint hard enough, you can practically see the methane bubbling out of the airy fabric, and hear the expiring wails of seagulls and dolphins trapped in its tight, stylish, yet remarkably breathable blended-fiber weave.
Or not. If you’re like me, you see Indians on horseback and the Triumph of Powered Flight. Or maybe a flashy hommage to ‘60s tie-dye.
What you probably don’t see, of course, is the sputtering rage behind your eyes that seeks out its own perfect reflection in whatever Michelle Obama happens to be wearing on any given day.
And since you don’t possess the “Super Founder’s Vision” that enables paranoid patriots to see what Liberals really are behind their smooth talk and cynical rhetoric, I’ve prepared a series of visual aids designed to help you experience what it’s like to be a Total Conservative Crazy-Fuck.
Here, for example, is Michelle Obama in the same dress, discussing the epidemic of childhood obesity:
Here’s Michelle encouraging new college graduates to choose public service over corporate careerism:
And here’s Michelle thanking the soldiers at Camp Pendleton for their heroic service and sacrifice on behalf of the American people, and in the defense of free people everywhere:
Feel free to share your own favorite MO hallucinations in the comments. And don’t forget—she has a big butt and frequently makes scary “black person” faces, both of which prove that she hates America.