Mitt Romney Returns To His First Love: Porn

Willard Romney, known throughout the world of pornography simply as “Mitt” for his willingness to have five fingers...oh nevermind...has apparently returned to his pornographic roots:

BETHESDA, Md. (Bloomberg) — Mitt Romney has been reappointed to Marriott International Inc.’s board of directors.

Romney, a former governor of Massachusetts and a U.S. presidential candidate, served on the board from 1992 to 2002, Marriott said Wednesday in a statement distributed by PR Newswire.

You see, during Mittens’s tenure on the board for Marriott, the hotel aired hardcore, barely legal porno in their hotel rooms, and Mittens just lay passively in the missionary position and did nothing about it, which got many conservatives all hot and bothered

But the reason Mittens didn’t do anything, see, is because Mormons really, really, really love pornography.

It also turns out that most Americans like porno too, as it appears that many of us--not me of course--spent our stimulus checks stimulating ourselves with porno this year.

But apparently, our measly stimulus checks weren’t enough to satisfy the porno industry, as they are now demanding a bailout from the federal government.

Well, since Mitt Romney seems to know a lot of about both porn and the economy (He’s rich! Though not from porn, but maybe!), I suggest that we make him our next president in 2012.

This has been the most pleasurable post I’ve ever written.

(Cross posted at The November Blog)

Posted by Noah on 01/08/09 at 09:36 PM • Permalink

Mitt Romney for President of the Pornographic States of America!

Well, that’s something I didn’t need to think about.

What kind of a religion has such a lack of popularity among its followers that they don’t have “Joseph Smith Gang Banging” or “Brigham Young Sucks Twink Cock?”
I mean, they could surely learn a thing or two from the Catholics, “for God’s sake.”

Secretary of Hardcore Barely Legal Porno would be a good spot for Obama to make one of his reaching-across-the-aisle Republican appointments.

a porn movie with the actors wearing magic underwear. now that would be funny!

Um...the Mormons may love porn, but trust me it sucks!  I got stuck in Salt Lake on a trip and my “lady friend” and I watched some.  All the good stuff was edited out.

I think your spellchecker is acting up, you’ve continuously and repeatedly misspelled the word “pr0n” throughout this post.

No, thank you...

Well,
A fair post if I’ve ever seen one.  Assuming that Mitt endorces porn because he’s on the board of directors of a hotel that allows it?  Boy, is that ever short sighted and just plan dumb.

For a fair post, why don’t you contact him and ask for his opinion on it, and even ask him if he thinks it’s the responsibility of the board of directors to decide all policies for the hotel chain?

Dumb.  Try and not let it show.

Charlie

I heartily endorce the previous comment, and reiterate; *nothing* shows how plan dumb you are like a malfunctioning spellchecker.

You are obviously a moron caught up in your own ego. Romney is intelligent, honest, family man, believes in God and patriotic. You seem to have nothing intelligent to say but whine about anyone and everyone who is successful. Mormons don’t love porn, neither do Catholics or any other religion. You obviously have nothing better to do with your life than criticize anyone with ethics. Sad.