MLK: “I Support Mountaintop Mining”

DID YOU KNOW? The slain civil-rights leader never actually said the words “Play it again, Sam”

OBTAINED: List of potential replacement quotes for the soon-to-be-reworked Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial

“The Ark is long but it bends where all the elephants and hippos are.”

“The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict, but it sure is a time-saver having my corkscrew, nail-file, and tweezers all in one place.”

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to Eustice Evermoore. And Eustice will fuck you up.

“Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and nuns that can’t fly worth a damn.”

“I caught that improv show ‘The Language of the Unheard’ at UCB—what a riot!”

“When you are right you cannot be too radical; when you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative. I almost want to carve out an exception for drum circles—no matter how right you are, those are never not annoying—but that scene’ll die out soon enough anyway.”

“At the center of non-violence stands the principle of love, that’s why non-violence kicks ass.”

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive at all, not until it gets some points taken off its license.”

“If physical death is the price that I must pay to free my white brothers and sisters from a permanent death of the spirit, then nothing can be more redemptive. Was that… did I just hear a gun cock? Could my white brothers and sisters try a little harder to get the point, please?”

“I submit to you that if a man hasn’t discovered something that he will die for, he isn’t fit to live, so it’s a good thing Prince met U.”

“Delayed justice in need is delayed justice indeed.”

“The rough places will be made straight and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together. So no, I’d rather not join you for a drink at the Man Hole.”

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their cell-phone skins, but by how content they are with their WoW character stats.”

“I’ve seen the promised land, and I may not get there with you, so in that event I need you guys to promise me something, okay? If they build me a monument, and they use one of my quotes, make sure they don’t screw it up, please. Oh, and make sure they use one of the good ones, I mean, I saw some local paper out in East Podunk or wherever put my ‘drum major’ riff on the front page and I was like ‘Really? I’m a wit & wisdom machine over here, just shitting out gem after gem, and that’s what you chose? Anyway, it probably won’t come up, but just in case. Now where was I? Oh yeah. But I want you to know tonight that we as a people… “

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Categories: MessylaneousNewsRelijun

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You’re a very bad man, Gil. Just please don’t tell Eustice I said so.

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