Mr. Fantastic: “You’re Rubber”

Ten grand sez this line of attack falls flat.

What are you out of touch with this morning? And before you say that referring to 11:30 a.m. as “morning” paints me as out of touch with the struggles of the working-class common man, you should know that I’ve been out and about earning my keep since 7. On Rollerblades, just like the working-class common man.

I AM THE 99 PERCENT SURE I’M GONNA GET FLATTENED BY AN SUV

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/30/11 at 11:26 AM • Permalink

Categories: PoliticsElection '12Mittens

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Yeah, well, I’ve been out of touch, thanks to sites like this.  But I’m fixing that situation right now!

So I’ve been here in The Heartland™ over the holidays, visiting with family, and I am once again reconnecting with True American Heartland Values™. Sage advice from Dr. Phil… Ads from The Scooter Store; and don’t worry people, Medicare will cover most expenses, AS LONG AS GOVERNMENT KEEPS ITS HANDS OFF MEDICARE!!1!... The Price is Right (when did Drew Carey lose all that weight?)... A fascinating TV show, Person of Interest, which is premised on, uh, the virtues of a total surveillance state, I guess? (is John Poindexter a silent producer?)... Rush Limbaugh’s guest host on traditional true-blue AM radio, exhorting us to not be such wimps on Iran (‘we have lost nearly all wars since WWII because we haven’t stayed the course’ in those totally justified Freedom Ventures™’)...

I am learning a great deal that reassures me about where we are, and where we are going.  I certainly didn’t learn it here - WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU LIBS BEEN HIDING FROM ME, HMMM??

Unfortunately, not all is well in The Heartland™.  Even as I post this message, there is evidence of assaults on the purity and innocence of this place by the Washington minions of the ACORN-Soros Conspiracy©®. I am told that recent road “improvements” in this land of my youth - “improvements” that left me frightened and confused - were the result of funding arranged through the Kenyan Usurper’s “stimulus program” (and say, isn’t that word - ‘stimulus’ - a foul and filthy concept?  No wonder it is so beloved by the Libtard Illuminati™©®).

And finally, my investigation continues, in trying to find the community of Ooompa-Loompas that must live somewhere in SW Ohio, as evidenced by the existence of John Boehner.  I’ll just bet the crypto-Indonesian Islamofascist used his filthy ‘stimulus program’ to re-route the roads around their community.  Is there no depth to his perfidy?

Comment by meepmeep09 on 12/30/11 at 12:41 PM

Oh, yeah, one more thing you libs didn’t tell me about - the wonderful Forever Lazy soft fleece lounge wear, that can be worn at home or out in public, and most assuredly is NOT the most ridiculous looking bit of outerwear this Awakened Patriot™ has ever seen.  Totally appropriate to wear to your local sporting event without embarrassment, and as the TV ad noted, they have zippers, so you can do your filthy urination and/or defecation business with a minimum of fuss.

Comment by meepmeep09 on 12/30/11 at 12:55 PM

Forever Lazy.  Hmmm.  Isn’t that a rather dangerous idea to be promoting to the kids, damned their hippity hoppity music, my lawn is the nicest in the ‘hood, etc? 

Pro tip: the wearing of polyester fleece in one’s house during the winter guarantees you can generate enough static electricity to levitate/launch your cat off any sleeping surface you want vacated for your sitting/reclining pleasure.

I don’t get the obssession of the Right with comparing Obama with French aristocrats.  (Okay, more exactly in this case, an Austrian aristocrat who married a French aristocrat and became queen of France.)

If they’d make a “Forever Lazy” suit with feeties, I might buy it. My zebra-print Snuggie is losing its power to humiliate my offspring.

Act now and receive 2 (TWO!) pair of matching footies free! 
===
re Person of Interest, you must admit Jesus is a total badass there.

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