Mr Norquist’s Excellent Jihad
I have to admit that I didn’t see this coming but, thanks to Texan politico Cathie Adams, all of the frightening pieces are suddenly falling into place. Speaking at a recent event hosted by the Far North Dallas Tea Party, Adams shared her concern that America is currently in thrall to secret Muslim infiltrators carrying out a stealth jihad. Some of the high-profile jihadis that Ms Adams has exposed are: Grover Norquist, Karl Rove and possibly the current head of the CIA, John Brennan.
The evidence? Mr Norquist has a beard and is married to a Muslim woman. Karl Rove is his BFF. The investigation of Brennan is ongoing so Ms Adams couldn’t share much about him but one sinister thing that we do know is that Brennan speaks Arabic fluently. But then he’s CIA so he would be too smart for facial hair or a Muslim wife. And, of course, the Muslim-in-Chief needs no introduction—case closed. That’s why we find ourselves, today, crawling with stealth jihadis and Ms Adams wants to know: “Where is the outcry!!?!” The one American that Ms Adams is sure is not a stealth jihadi is Sen. Ted Cruz for whom she gave thanks to God, on this particular occasion.
Now, you may remember that it was Cruz who warned us about the 70% - 80% infiltration of Communists in Congress, which would only leave about 20% left for stealth jihadis, but maybe he was confused. Cruz was a newbie to the Senate, at that time, and perhaps he mistaked Communists for Muslims? maybe they were the Baltic-Chechen-crossover-type Muslims easily mistaken for Communists? At any rate, I’m sure Cathie Adams will be briefing him on that.
But, before you go dismissing Cathie Rogers as just another low-info, TEA Party wingnut [which she may very well be], you should know that Ms Adams is the former Chairman of the Texas Republican Party—that is the official statewide Republican organization of one of the US’ largest and most influential states. She is currently President of the Texas chapter of the Eagle Forum, a conservative interest group in the United States founded by Phyllis Schlafly, in 1972.
And, of course, Cathie Adams is not alone. There are plenty of representatives in Congress who have achieved stardom raving about Muslims—Michele Bachmann, Virginia Foxx, Louie Gohmert, Steve King and numerous others. Then, to make the subject even hotter, The American Conservative Union, organizer of the annual conservative Fun Fair known as CPAC decided, this year, to try to put a lid on some of the most attention-getting craziness by silencing the lambs—Pam Geller, Robert Spencer, Frank Gaffney—America’s most famous Jihadi-Hunters.
I could have told them that the worst thing you can do to a conspiracy theorist is try to shut them up, it just plays into their narrative.
Never fear, though, Breitbart publisher Steve Bannon rode to the rescue with an invite to the anti-Muslim Crusaders to sit on the panel of a side forum that Bannon had on the CPAC program. Theoretically, the discussion they were invited to had nothing to do with their favorite topic but once the mics were “hot”, the unholy trio took Bannon’s forum hostage and did not disappoint.
The beautiful thing about all of this, though, is that so much incomprehensible Republican platform policy now makes perfect sense. For example, Grover Norquist’s anti-tax crusade is brilliant from a stealth jihadi’s perspective. What better way to bankrupt America than to dry up its revenue at the source? what red-blooded American will turn down a tax cut? any tax cut? And once there’s nothing but debt and poor, starving, sick people littering the streets that the government can no longer suckle? in swoops the Red Crescent and then the real jihad can take place. Brilliant.
I just have one small question left: now that this master plot has been exposed, isn’t it appropriate to frog-march every past and current signer of the Norquist Anti-Tax Pledge onto a naval vessel and ship them to Gitmo? treasonous bastards!
PS As an extra, added weekend treat I’m including a track of Cathie Adams address to the Far North Dallas TEA Party. You’re welcome.