My Eyes Were Never This Good

...qr at least it’s safe to say that formal attire and buzzing, hive-like sound effects were optional. All I wanted to do was see what I was looking at.

Today, it turns out that even replacement eyes are hard to come by. I was driven to my eye and ear center this morning, presumably for the unveiling of a prosthetic eye that was being hand-painted for me by a local ocularist. Instead, I was thrown out of my doctor’s office for not already having acquired a fake eye at a cost of $3,000 out-of-pocket. No-one had ever told me that buying a prosthetic peeper was my job, and that I would be subjected to howls of derisive laughter for not doing the job no one ever assigned me.

Now, I’m a blind guy with one eye and a “your ad here” sign in the other socket and all I have for the moment is the marvelous magical Residents who must have bought their eyes in bulk. Feast your orbs!

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 01/17/13 at 06:49 PM • Permalink

Categories: I Don't Know Much About Art, But I Know What I LikeMusicRumproast RelatedStrangeAppar8usSkull HampersYouTubidity

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This is a good time to comment on the money we’ve raised for Strange, which is in a trust, and which has so far gone for his telephone at the rehab/ltc facility where he currently resides, and some pain relief measures such as a massager and tubes menthol gel.

He is still in a medical setting, and not in the true rehab and orientation phase of his new life, where the fund is expected to purchase adaptive equipment for him. The red-tape surrounding his medical bills is nightmarish, and responsible, no doubt, for his being led down the garden path this far with regard to his prosthetic eye, for which he had gone to the eye doctor on, I believe, at least one occasion.

In light of this disappointing (and casually, bureaucratically cruel) development, discussion of just how to apply the money kindly sent in by our wonderful and supportive Roast community will definitely be taking place.

And now, back to ogling the Residents, straight from Strange’s all-powerful Mind’s Eye.

Dude, I bet if look I can find some spare marbles in my place. We can hook one of those babies up with a sweet custom paint job, like the hood of a ‘78 firebird, or, a colorful Mexican serape, whatever you wish, and then just pop that sucker into the socket and go from there!

I think you should get one of those cool red eyes with the bullseye target on it like that assassin guy, Benedict, played by Charles Dance in Last Action Hero had that kept trying to kill Arnold Schwarzenegger’s cop character Jack Slater. That would be fucking cool.

Well, for Christ’s sake. $3K? I would expect no less than the Eye of Fucking Sauron for that price.

Actually the Eye of Sauron would be kinda cool on a prosthetic

@ Patrick: It would! Of course, Strange would have to affect that “fell voice” to pull it off. But I’ve talked to him on the phone—he’s got the vocal chops.

A Residents video… this is clearly meant to lure Smut Clyde out of his antipodean lair!

Screw the Eye Of Sauron. In this dimension, it’s Strange Eye for a Strange Eye…and by that I mean the Eye Of Agamoto, which is the personal property of super mystic Dr. Steven Strange…at least when the Eye has not been expropriated from Strange’s magic bag by his mentor, the Ancient One.

My guess is the hardest part of acquiring this eye will be unhooking it from the gold chain around Strange’s neck and getting it back to my house without being hunted down by the Dread Dormammu, who wants a hell of a lot more than $3,000.

That’s Strange up there, btw, not me, folks.

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