The CPAC 2015 Poll Is In

I’ve really not made a big point of following CPAC this year because I finally get that I am not the audience this whole shindig is for. Of course, part of the deal is that the prominent voices of today’s conservatism are supposed to be showcased. Yes, some of these people are running for POTUS. But that doesn’t mean I have to take it totally seriously, because the likelihood that, for example, the CPAC straw poll actually ever meant anything would probably mean that we were experiencing Ron Paul’s second term. And we are not. So, if Sen. Rand Paul has enjoyed his third CPAC poll win, this has more to do with inheriting his father’s libertarian apparatus, and less to do with anything like being able to win in 2016. (I think.)

WI Gov, Scott Walker has come in a respectable second, despite or probably because he compared union workers to ISIS, which would no doubt haunt him if he made it to a general election. His claims that facing protesting union folks prepares him for foreign policy is kind of strained, I think. And making the “Reagan” connection is so obvi. Try harder, you try-hard!

The distance of Sen. Ted Cruz’s third place is heart-warming. Let this excerpt of his appearance signal why:

“#1. Repeal every blasted word of Obamacare!”
Applause.
“#2. Abolish the IRS—take all 125,000 IRS agents and put them on our Southern border!”
Applause.
“#3 Stop the out-of-control regulators at the EPA
Applause.
“#4 Defend out Constitutional rights! All of them!”
Applause.
“#5 Restore America’s leadership in the world as the shining city on the hill!”

This is seriously what Cruz thinks he would do as president? OK. So instead of the Affordable Care Act, we’d go back to unaffordable care for a significant portion of Americans—I’m sure those guys who had a brief window of thinking their country liked them enough to not want them dead in a ditch will appreciate being told, no—unless you can pay up, die in a ditch. As for abolishing the IRS: this makes no more sense when Cruz says it than when Ben Carson says it—how is that supposed to work? Are we going to not have taxes anymore? Because I think the federal debt means we need to keep some taxes. So—who collects them and makes sure tax compliance is working? Because if we take all the IRS guys and put them on the Mexican border, like, we’d need all new guys to oversee tax return and payment processing and audits and all that. And we’d need some kind of infrastructure to support that. So like, would we privatize it, so that, like, we would save negative a billionty dollars because privatizing things never makes them cheaper? And also—what in the hell would make IRS agents necessarily good border patrol—is Senator Cruz on drugs? Senator Cruz—laugh lines are laugh lines, but please stop taking drugs if you are running for president!

As for Ben Carson, see what I said about Ted Cruz.

Is it wrong if I point out that Scott Walker and Marco Rubio and Bobby Jindal (way down there at .9% of the vote) all have the same Lamar Smith problem? Except Jindal has the very worst case of it? They all sort of think President Obama is not now currently doing anything about ISIS even though he really, truly is. And at least Rubio and Jindal think it’s because he doesn’t want to piss off Iran, even though Shiite Iran really, really, has an animosity for ISIS. Like, they are fighting them. Like, as the US is also fighting them. As in, if you don’t know that right this minute, you have no business thinking about being president.

And of course Sen. Lindsey (Let’s go for ground troops against ISIS) Graham and Governor George Pataki (for why, now? but yeah, he also said some shit about ground troops) were at the bottom.

I’d have a hard time voting for any of these dipshits even if the Democratic nominee was a brain tumor. In a baby. Who was like, a saint. So, happy White Housing, President Glioblastoma of St. Infantus of Betterworldthanthis. You totally win!

(X-posted at Strangely Blogged.)

Posted by Vixen Strangely on 03/01/15 at 01:13 AM • Permalink

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