Note to Al Jazeera: For the Love of God, Please Stop Interviewing Nouri Masood El Mesmari

Future Cobra Commander/“Die Hard” Baddie Nouri Masood El Mesmari relaxes between spittle-flecked outbursts.

Earlier this week, Nouri Masood El Mesmari, Muammar Gaddafi’s Secretary of Protocol, resigned from office and called for Gaddafi to be deposed. Now living in exile in what appears to be Paris, he has become one of the regime’s most ferocious critics.

Please understand, I’m totally down with that. Unfortunately, Mr. El Mesmari is a scary-angry guy with Dick Cheney teeth and a prosthetic eye that’s aimed the wrong way and never blinks, even when the other one does. These things are not his fault, obviously. However, you have to admit there’s a lot of gratuitous Bond-villain accessorizing here that suggests he’s consciously “working” the image. I mean, Jesus, just look at him. Is it any wonder his last job was “Dictator Henchman”?

Plus, he yells a great deal and constantly gives the impression that, any moment, tentacles could burst from his chest to shoot acid or bat-like brain parasites at the studio crew. It makes me very uneasy to watch him, and my cats refuse to be in the same room when he is on the screen.

If you could interview Mr. El Mesmari a little less frequently, or by phone, I would be very much obliged. I’m sure you agree that Al Jazeera does not want to be known as the “Yelling-Scary-Angry-Alien-Impostor” network. One FoxNews is plenty.

Thanks in advance.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 02/24/11 at 01:06 PM • Permalink

Categories: MessylaneousNews

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He’s got a maniacal Peter O’Toole thing going on there, don’t you think?

I was seeing kind of an evil Robert Culp, but I think you’re on to something.

I’m getting a “Max el Headroom” vibe from the still shot.

It would be awesome if he was holding and petting a fluffy white cat during the interviews; it might even chill him out a bit.
I don’t see why AJ cannot make this happen.

Every time that guy comes on I’ve had to turn Al Jazeera off.  Apparently, even though he was close to Gaddafi, he never did anything to be ashamed of and the sheen of sweat should be attributed to some other reason.

Indeed, his “conversion” seems a tad opportunistic and self-serving. He should probably look to expatriate himself a little further away from The Hague.

He also seems to be a charter member of the Tripoli Hair Club For Men.

@Oblomova—They had a special on Wild Henna Widow’s Peaks, and he just had to have one.

Peter O’ Toole, yes, and buckets of Culp, but I think I have found Scary Al-Nouri’s progenitor:

It’s Fire Marshall Masood!

“Please don’t be so formal. My friends—and your pathetically inept colleagues at Interpol—call me ‘Mesmo.’”

He’ll no doubt mean nothing to you in the US (thank your lucky stars), but I’d be remiss not to point out this resemblance.

Possibly a touch of Hugo Weaving/Red Skull?

Help me out, Brit. Which Evans is that?

I’m wondering if his mono-ocularity and other physical anomalies came from warfare or running foul of the wrong regime.

There was an Afghan storekeeper on my block who was missing the first joint on several of his fingers. He’d been fairly well-connected once, and had escaped with nothing but a few contacts who kept him well-supplied with illegal antiquities.

Help me out, Brit. Which Evans is that?

Chris Evans, mainy notable for being a prat and at one point being married to Billy Piper.

Evillest Costello.

@casey—That’s a beauty.

Yes perfect, stroking a pure white Persian cat.  The dead-eye, the well groomed mad-gay look of the exaggerated shoulder widths which beg for a pair of Idi Amin epaulets, oh he’s PERFECTLY evil!

I’m getting a Denzel Washington-as-Malcome X vibe

However, you have to admit there’s a lot of gratuitous Bond-villain accessorizing here that suggests he’s consciously “working” the image.

Would it kill him to change into a white shirt and a red/blue tie?

♪ I just don’t know where to begin… ♪

Just kidding!  With the torture.  We usually begin with the torture.

I’m getting a Denzel Washington-as-Malcome X vibe

Oh good, it isn’t just me.

All correct, but I’m seeing more Culp than Denzel Washington.


I thought it was a production still from the the upcoming movie remake of famed SNL sketch Sprockets, starring Willem Dafoe as Dieter.

I really gotta lay off the Al Quaida hallucination pills.

I be Mesmarized….

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