Note to Roger L. Simon: The Literal Translation of “Academy Award-Nominated” is “Oscar-Losing”

When all you have is a dark fedora, every problem looks like the Weimar Republic.

According to Roger, it’s the 1930s all over again—except this time Obama is Hitler, Gaza is the Kit Kat Club, the Jews get the Bomb first, Helen Thomas sings on a stool in a top hat…and Roger is Rick Blaine in a re-imagined Casablanca where he, Lazlo and Renault stuff Ilsa onto the night flight to Lisbon, then kidnap Albert Einstein and force him to build a robot Ronald Reagan to take FDR’s place at the Yalta Conference.

Throw in some buried Nazi gold, a Flying Submarine, a Golem, a cameo appearance by Nikola Tesla, a potential Captain America crossover and a merchandising piggyback with Burger King, and I think I can swing him a meeting to pitch the treatment.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/05/10 at 01:02 PM • Permalink

Categories: News • Politics • Nutters • War In Error • Our Stupid Media •

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Are you sure that he won’t just piss and moan throughout the meeting about how a conservative like him just can’t get an even break in Hollywood anymore? That putz is too crainiorectally-inverted to notice that Hollywood is about money much, much more than it is about politics. If they think you can make them some real bucks, they’ll call you Roger, even if they find you entirely repulsive on any/every level.

Comment by StringonaStick on 06/05/10 at 03:21 PM

No, no, no…he blacklisted himself, see?

I mean, after Bustin’ Loose, there’s no “up” to aim for. Now, he’s just cooling his heels until the AMPAS members tee him up for a Lifetime Achievement Award.

Comment by StrangeAppar8us on 06/05/10 at 03:56 PM

As far as his it’s-totally-deja-vu-all-over-again creepy narrative, I was surprised Simon didn’t point out that the Jews still have no homeland. Or nuclear weapons.