Numbnuts’ Nog Nattering
One thing that I’ve noticed about Libertarians (so-called) is that they are hung up on the idea the tyranny can only come from an overreaching government (though most of them are notably silent when said overreaching is done by Republicans). Libertarians almost invariably turn a blind eye to the threats to freedom posed by corporations or wealthy private individuals. Conversely, Libertarians tend to portray attempts to regulate industry as attacks on liberty. For the latest Libertarian affront to sense and reason, nothing beats Kevin Williamson’s bold resistance to the Eggnog Gestapo. Let’s all put on our Liberal Fascist jackboots and tromp all over Williamson’s post. The problems begin with the title, a Godwin’s Law violation, and they don’t get any better.
Here is a sentence that makes me want to burn my passport and move into a fortified rural compound:
The FDA dictates that U.S. nog have at least 6 percent milk fat.
Ah… the product standards of the U.S. Food and Drug Administration are exactly analogous to the tactics of the dreaded Nazi Secret Police. I imagine that, in Williamson’s “mind” (those square quotes are necessary), the Liberal Fascist Gestapo kicked down the doors of European Jews in order to mandate a minimum “white fish” quantity in gefilte fish.
Somewhere in the vast array of federal rules and regulations — the 10,000 Commandments — is one specifying the minimum of milk fat that eggnog shall contain. Did the men who fought at Lexington and Concord do so in order to set up a new regime that would manage their lives on this level? King George III would never have dreamed of such imperious behavior.
The men who fought at Lexingon and Concord fought to ensure that companies could foist adulterated and/or subpar products on the consumer. Any attempt to force producers to adhere to a quality benchmark is tantamount to tyranny. Why shouldn’t the “masters of the universe” be able to pass off thin, watery pseudo-dairy products as genuine, traditional eggnog? The peasants aren’t owed an explanation, they will get what they get and like it! Why should a “job creator” have to market their food products accurately? They should not be forced to label their seaweed extract nog as such… besides, seaweed extract nog is delicious!
King George III would never have dreamed of such imperious behavior. Is there nothing too trivial for the federal government to micromanage?
Is there nothing too trivial for an asinine Libertarian to whine about? Protip, Kevin, the adjective is Juvenalian, not juvenile- satire, UR DOIN IT RONG!!!
Not content to sit back smugly, enjoying the satisfaction of earning his wingnut welfare check for writing this bit of coprography (not to be confused with coprophagy, which is what Williamson’s readers engage in), Williamson had to add to his screed:
UPDATE: And then there is this:
Annatto and turmeric (for color) The use of these two natural food colorings—which add a yellow tone—is technically forbidden in eggnogs under federal regulation (it might make revelers think the drink contains more egg than it really does). But eggnog makers pushed back, and that rule has been stayed—pending a public hearing—for the past 30 years! The FDA is now looking into it.
I shall now set something on fire.
I consume more much more turmeric and annatto than the average ‘Merican, being addicted to the dubious cuisines of sinister foreign elements. I have no objection to the presence of such ingredients… unless such presence is meant to deceive the consumer. Williamson even admits there is a deceptive intent in his post: (it might make revelers think the drink contains more egg than it really does). Traditional eggnog recipes don’t contain turmeric or annatto, they contain copious amounts of eggs. Dairy producers should have to market nogs with trace amounts of egg as “curry nogs” or “adobo nogs”.
I suggest that, if Mr Williamson is sincere in his desire to set something on fire, he burn his computer… it would spare us his idiotic rants in the future, and it is sure to piss off some EPA or OSHA bureaucrat who would impose the tyrrany of clean air standards on patriotic Mr Williamson.