Obama, Clinton Go “Totally Pre-Industrial” on Scheming Copenhagen Holdouts

According to the NYT, a face-saving, last-minute non-agreement emerged from the COP15 conference only after President Obama and SOS Hillary Clinton crashed a secret meeting of Banana-Hat El Supremos, and administered a much-needed lesson in American Exceptionalism. 

The deal eventually came together after a dramatic moment in which Mr. Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton burst into a meeting of the Chinese, Indian and Brazilian leaders, according to senior administration officials. Mr. Obama said he did not want them negotiating in secret.

“Hello, boys,” laughed the President, brushing plaster from the shattered door jamb off his shoulder. “We heard you fellas could use a little diversity in here. Looks to me like you forgot to invite any women.”

“No Negroes, either, Bossman,” Mrs. Clinton chimed in. “And certainly no one representing the interests of hard-working white Americans.”

“Please don’t kill us,” begged Sergio Serra, Brazil’s senior climate negotiator, as Obama blocked an attempted escape by Chinese officials with an impromptu demonstration of Chicago-style “chin-music.” “What about our human rights?”

“Human rights are an ideal, not a priority,” Clinton replied coldly, brandishing a folding chair. 

“Go easy on them, Hillary,” Obama chided, comically shaking out his “bruised” knuckles. “They’re really very likable men.”

“Not likable enough,” observed the Secretary, as she waded into the cowering forms at the conference table.

A non-binding Five-Nation Agreement was announced within hours. Shortly afterward, Obama boarded Air Force One for the return flight to DC. The President informed pool reporters that there would be a brief stopover in Connecticut, where Obama intended to “plant a giant carbon footrpint in Joe Lieberman’s butt”—an apparent reference to the recalcitrant Senator’s grandstanding opposition to the pending Health Care Reform bill. 

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 12/19/09 at 11:37 AM • Permalink

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