Old Dogs : Old Tricks

image

In what is apparently a desperate attempt to revitalize his *campaign* for the Republican nomination, old dog Newt Gingrich is recycling an old trick:  Contract with America Redux!  Or, as he’s titled it, “21st Century Contract with America”.  Pity it’s so filled with 20th century gimmicks.

Although some, mainly those working for him, would disagree:

Supporters say the new contract also cements Gingrich’s commitment to act on his ideas.

“While lots of people give pretty speeches from teleprompters,  [teleprompter - good one! ed.] Newt is laying out a plan, with substance, for Iowans and Americans to see,” Linda Upmeyer, Gingrich’s Iowa campaign chairwoman, said in an email Wednesday. “And he is asking for all of us to work WITH him to improve them moving forward.”

It gets even better:

Gingrich’s new contract calls for dozens of other ideas he has called breathtaking in scale and visionary.

Ideas such as (gasp) Repeal Obamacare!  Privatize Social Security!  De-fund Medicaid!  Flat Tax!  Sell Health Insurance Across State Lines! (Are ya outta breath yet?)

He does plan to cure Alzheimer’s and Parkinsons in the next couple of years (presumably without resorting to stem cells) so I can get behind that!  And all of it typed with the Newster’s thumbs on his Blackberry.  No palm writing for Newt. 

We’ll be anxiously (breathlessly?) waiting to see the surge in the polls that this will bring the old dog.

Posted by marindenver on 09/29/11 at 07:13 PM • Permalink

Categories: PoliticsBedwettersElection '12NuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

Share this post:  Share via Twitter   Share via BlinkList   Share via del.icio.us   Share via Digg   Share via Email   Share via Facebook   Share via Fark   Share via NewsVine   Share via Propeller   Share via Reddit   Share via StumbleUpon   Share via Technorati  

Every time one of these people makes a teleprompter joke, I feel like I should check a calendar ‘cause maybe I traveled back in time two years. Forget that it’s stupid, how has it lasted this long? Is it because the goopers are too uncreative to come up with anything new?

As for the Newtster, he’s just doing what they all do - Pretend that the Glory Days never stopped, and eventually the Glory Days will come back. Trufax.

Christ, the guy with the hook really needs to drag, knock or beat Gingrich off the fucking stage already. 

Seriously, how can people be sick of Palin when this tedious cretin has been around FORFUCKINGEVER?

Why do we need a talking adulterous salamander anyway?

Gingrich’s new contract calls for dozens of other ideas he has called breathtaking in scale and visionary.

Wait a damn minute.  Newt himself calls it such?  He can’t even make up a lie about someone else calling it brilliant?  Gah.  Go away Phil Donahue Newt!

Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2012 Republican Presidential Nominee: The Teleprompter Joke.  This is the first time a piece of observational humor has been a major party’s nominee since 1908, when a joke about the size of William Howard Taft’s hindquarters got the Democratic nod.

The use of “teleprompter” in a derisive fashion is not so much a joke as it is a tribal signifier for these assholes. 

Today I had a patient who started in with “let me ask you, what do you think about this stuff Obama’s proposing; do you honestly think it will help the economy?”  Oh shit, here we go.  There was a lot of disjointed gubmit is to wasteful and Obama’s just made that worse blather; I countered with DHS but mostly I try to gently steer the conversation elsewhere. 

I’m an RDH so I just have to bite my tongue - pissed off patients change dentists.  In my experience it is only rethugs with a head O’ Faux Spews hate-on that try this crap with me, the poor service worker who just wants them to shut up, open their mouth, and let me do my job. I’ve yet to have a fellow lib come at me with this crap.  Today’s saving grace is the dentist is a liberal, thank dog, and he tried to walk her back nicely too, and then came back and hur, hur’d with me over it.  Liberal dentists are rare; if you;ve got one cherish them and send your friends!

But his smirking picture still makes me want to punch him bang-smack in the kisser, so the Ole Eft still has that magic!

Linda Upmeyer, Iowa Legislature Representative and Iowa’s representative for ALEC? That Linda Upmeyer?

You know you can trust her; her only concern is the welfare of the people.

Well, asiangrrrrlmn I’m inspired by Newt’s approach and i’m adopting it for myself:

“Aimai’s proposal of life long sexiness includes dozens of pictures of herself that she has called “totally hot!” and “Remarkably attractive.”  She continues to insist that her new ideas of American pulchitrude will take the country by storm leading to immense sexual satisfaction for short, dumpy, perimenopausal women.”

I think my plan for world domination just took off.

aimai

“Aimai’s proposal of life long sexiness includes dozens of pictures of herself that she has called “totally hot!” and “Remarkably attractive.”  She continues to insist that her new ideas of American pulchitrude will take the country by storm leading to immense sexual satisfaction for short, dumpy, perimenopausal women.”

This can’t be mere hyperbole.  Color me interested!

I’m in, aimai!  Let me try. 

asiangrrlMN has written a book that she calls “completely absorbing” and “a sure national bestseller!”  She says it has the eroticism of Anais Nin, the lyrical beauty of early Anchee Min, and the earning potential of J.K. Rowling!  She is sure that Alan Rickman will play the leading man in the movie adaptation.

Cha-CHING!

Aimai and AsiangrrlMN,, I like your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

@ruemara, suuuure.  Just send eleven-billionty dollars to asiangrrl29 at yahoodotcom, and you, too, can master self-hyperbole.

I am Marie of Romania. Also. Too.

Page 1 of 1 pages

Sorry, commenting is closed for this post.

<< Back to main