One Hand, No Flashlight: Luminous TP Heralds Brave New World of Halloween Pranks, Crotch-Stuffing

Sure, it’s eight bucks a roll if you buy it, and it’s going to be hard as hell to steal after sundown. But it’s the realization of one of mankind’s oldest dreams…although I don’t remember precisely which one. 

Truly, we live in wondrous times.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 02/24/10 at 12:42 AM • Permalink

Categories: Knee SlappersMessylaneousNewsSkull Hampers

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Well every object in our living environment is undergoing a change, so why leave behind the much useful toilet paper.

Hur hur. She said behind.

[I]t is going to cater to people who visit restrooms without feeling the need of switching on the lights.

Yep—both of them.

I don’t even know what this means, but I think it is the greatest line of product PR fluffery ever:

The Glow in the Dark Loo Roll will give you impression of what a parallel universe of lame mortals would look like.

The Glow in the Dark Loo Roll CPAC will give you impression of what a parallel universe of lame mortals would look like.

Fixed.

For this life-saving advancement in bathroom-tissue technology, we can thank the makers of the hard-hitting documentary “Mummenschanz Dudes Getting Run the Fuck Down at Intersections Late at Night: The Silent Epidemic.”

I recall an item in “News of the Weird” many years ago about a firm that introduced camouflage TP for hunters—apparently too many dudes during the season were being mistaken for white-tailed deer whilst attending to their, er, ablutions outdoors. But glow-in-the-dark TP is pretty insane. I mean, have people heard of these amazing newfangled gadgets called “night lights?”

Comment by Oblomova on 02/24/10 at 12:28 PM
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