Open Letter

Dear Republican Senators,

Look, I’m not judging you. However, it is high time you realize President Obama is not going to take you across his knees and spank you until your bottom goes purple.

I know that’s what you really want, and I’m sure you’re not the only ones who do. I mean, look at Orly Taitz. But your dream of being called a bad boy and sternly paddled by the President of the United States of America just isn’t meant to be.

Perhaps you didn’t think it was obvious. Maybe you thought your “Oo look. We’re talking tough to the President and standing up for America” schtick fooled anyone. Or at least your wives.

Sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh right in your face like that.

If it wasn’t obvious before, this Jobs Growth for Men bill you’ve been parading around has made it blatantly and abundantly clear.

The First Lady is not amused.

I mean come on. A moratorium on new government regulations until the nation’s unemployment rate drops to 7.7%? Please. Perhaps you thought proposing an open-ended halt on new regulations that might, one day result in a 1.4% drop in unemployment was sure to get you summoned to Headmaster Obama’s office for a thorough caning.

And just in case that didn’t work, the proposal to kill the Dodd-Frank Act, which was created to rein in America’s still clearly out of control financial sector was sure to result in a visit to the White House’s woodshed that left your backside burning like Deepwater Horizon, right?

Not gonna happen.

I know this is hard, please don’t cry. But it is time to face facts and get on with that sad little collection of habits you call a life. So go on, look in the mirror. Sen. Paul, stop pulling your toupee over your face.

Look in the mirror and tell yourself: “President Barack Obama is never ever going to wear my ass out with a hickory –”

Oh for fuck’s sake. Somebody take McCain to the showers. And McConnell, kindly shut the hell up about joining the Mile High Club on Air Force 1.

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 10/14/11 at 11:09 PM • Permalink

Categories: Politics • Election '12 • Election '08 • St. McSame • Nutters • Teabaggery •

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LMAO! Great post HTP! Thanks.

Comment by G on 10/15/11 at 01:10 AM

I dunno, maybe they don’t have an IRL caning in store, but a virtual ass-whupping seems potentially in the offing if they continue to suck so very much. Speaker Boehner was probably in cross little tears whilst making sure President Obama was aware of The Facts. The Facts being, Boehner is a weak Speaker of a Tea Party House who will probably face a Tea Party primary himself, whose tenure has passed exactly 0 (zero) jobs bills and whose party’s proposals are regularly found to be….inadequate at doing the things promised—growing the economy and shrinking the debt. In fact—they do the reverse. But Talking Tough is something TeaFolk respect, even if it is nonsense, because they do not do math for it is hard. 99%. 47%. 53%. 2 Bits, four bits, six bits, etc.

This is the sort of rumination that makes me consider doling out IRL birch/behind percussions, myself, followed with lessons in civics and ‘rithmetics.

Comment by Vixen Strangely on 10/15/11 at 01:13 AM

Correction—of course—I was ruminating on the House need for ass-whuppings. The Senate, having actually put this on the table….is actually wide open for far worse.

Comment by Vixen Strangely on 10/15/11 at 01:17 AM

Interestingly, this letter would also work if you substituted the words “Sarah Palin” for “President” or “President of the United States” and “Orly Taitz” with the Fox douchebag of your choice.