I think the best costume I ever had was as Mrs. Williams S. Burroughs. I wore an old 50s cocktail dress of my mom’s (god, I wish I could fit into it now—sigh!), pinned a wineglass on my head (was it a shotglass in reality? I can’t remember), and had a bullet hole drawn on my forehead. Classy!

That same year, a friend of mind had the simplest costume of all (he had come up to visit at the last minute and forgot that there would be a Halloween party to attend). This was during Bush I’s administration, so he just grabbed a flashlight and became “one of the thousand points of light.” And if people didn’t like that, he’d say “Okay, okay—I’m a member of the liberal elite! Ah booga booga booga!” (Hey, it STILL scares a lot of people!)

I don’t think there is any part of Beyonce that I would want to poke.  Duct tape, certainly.

Re: eye pokin’—-I’ve been doing Sandy Duncan jokes for 37 years, and I can’t stop now.

My gay sister usually has a huge Halloween party that is attended by at least half a dozen Sonny and Cher pairs (all men, of course). In addition to the herd of Bonos, there are dozens of the most clever get-ups I’ve ever seen; they out-do themselves every freaking year. There was a Larry Craig (complete with bathroom stall) one year, etc.

There’s just no way to compete with that crowd, so I generally wear PJs and a bathrobe, which come in handy when I pass out on the sofa at 3 in the morning. The year Martha Stewart was jailed, I bought an orange jumpsuit, which I heavily accessorized, and went as her. I had the ‘do for it back then.

Sis isn’t having a party this year due to travel, so I’ll probably just wear my lame-ass devil horns hairband and dispense candy to the neighborhood kiddies.

My 10-year-old is a sumo wrestler this year. The costume came with a little fan to keep it inflated.

This year I’ll be going as Captain Hammer.  Last year I was one of the “Dick in a Box” guys from SNL (I even had a picture of Cheney in my box).  Year before that, I was Professor Chaos, which was officially the least amount of money I’d ever spent on a costume.

The best/worst I ever did was when I went as the boy in the bubble.  Built a wood frame and then wrapped it in that clear plastic sheeting you use to winterize your old ass windows (ask someone who lives a little further north Betty).  Made arm holes with kitchen gloves stapled to clothes dryer accordion duct stuff, two going in and two going out.  It was awesome except that I made it too tall and wide to fit through the narrow door of the party I went to so I had to stand outside like some sort of asshole.
Re: your Richard Reid costume, I got it right away and it was fucking brilliant Kevin.  However, you’ve never had the ass to pull off Destiny’s Child.

Ah, Verchovyna.  A friend and I were there the night of the Challenger accident.  We overheard one dumbass say to a friend, “As soon as they knew that thing was gonna blow up, they shoulda gotten right out.”  Brilliant plan, genius!

Some great halloween masks here if people are keen to go as Rethuglicans.

Also, I saw a guy on the el last year in Chicago who was dressed up as the Village People. ALL of them. It was brilliant.