Re-Branding

Consider yourself fortunate if you’ve never experienced the agony of a corporate “re-branding” exercise, which goes something like this: You’re trapped in a dreary conference room with goofballs from the marketing and sales teams along with a sprinkling of executives, whom the marketing and sales people are desperate to impress.

Generally there’s a ridiculously expensive consultant or two leading the exercise, employing a white board or one of those giant Post-It note pads. The participants are encouraged to offer adjectives that describe the company and embody its promise to its customers. If the company is sucking wind (and it usually is if it’s engaged in re-branding), participants are told to offer “aspirational” adjectives.

Once the board or giant Post-It thingie is filled with stupid adjectives that have nothing to do with manufacturing widgets or delivering services, an absurd discussion ensues in which the participants and consultants argue over which half dozen adjectives out of the hundred or so best describe the underlying attributes of the new brand. This is how they arrive at the new brand identity, by sorting out stupid descriptions of it, much as the blind men described the elephant.

These discussions invariably descend into surreal pettiness and bickering, with each party vying to impress the executives with their acumen and creativity while equally determined opponents strive to score points by making the others look like clueless buffoons. The lower the actual stakes, the more vicious the discussions become.

Many Danishes are eaten and much coffee is consumed before the lunch cart rolls in to dispense even more fattening grub, which you’ll eat even though you shouldn’t, if only to relieve the crushing ennui and have an excuse to keep your lips shut.

So what emerges from this roiling pit of vipers? It’s usually a document that is supposed to guide future messaging, the idea being that all ads, promotions and communications should convey the new “brand identity” consistently.

The unfortunate souls charged with crafting these messages usually relegate the expensive new brand guidelines to the round file immediately because, after all, how do you imply “agile” in six words of ad copy about sandwiches selling for $4.99? You fucking can’t, not without coming off as a blithering idiot.

Here’s what happens when someone literally applies the results of a branding exercise to a real ad campaign:

That’s right—consumers are asked to believe that flying to fucking Korea has something to do with “exquisite” and “pledging” and to pretend that pale turquoise shoes and some chick standing on a rock in lingerie and giant tulle bows relates somehow to an airline. In other words, stupefying nonsense.

So what does this have to do with the price of tea in China? Nothing, of course.  But there was much talk during the recent presidential race about how trashed the GOP brand is, and it’s predictably escalating now that the Republicans are casting about for a new identity.

They may not consciously know it, but the Republicans are embroiled in one of those foolish conference room skirmishes—one side offering adjectives like “fiscally responsible” and “small government promoting” while the other side screeches “anti-fag” and “Jesus loving.” It’ll be interesting to see what sort of document emerges from that shitpile.

[Cross-posted at Betty Cracker]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 11/12/08 at 09:01 AM • Permalink

Categories: PoliticsElection '08BedwettersPUMAsYouTubidity

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I do believe that those terms are suppose to describe the airline and its service, not necessarily flying to Korea.  You can fly to Korea using other airlines but the point of this ad is for you to use Korean Air.

I get that, Zero, truly on a deep and personal level, I understand the intent. My point is, how are those disconnected images and words supposed to compel an ordinary consumer to choose that airline over another?

Say I’m scheduling a flight to Korea (or wherever else they fly). I spy a Korea Airlines ad, and I’m supposed to think, oooo, better book my flight on that breathtaking, exquisite, visionary, graceful, understanding, pledging, admired airline! Nevermind prices, safety records, punctuality, convenience and all that jazz—I want a pledging airline that puts me in mind of turquoise handbags!

Obviously, I’m exaggerating a bit for comic effect (feebly, perhaps). And I think a brand identity exercise can be useful to some degree. But it seems to me that it often results in contrived style over substance—much as overwrought mission statements did a few years back. It results in meaningless corporate navel gazing that means doodly-squat to consumers.

Just fly the goddamned plane and don’t charge me extra for the bags, you know?

PLEASE tell me we won’t have to see Saxby Chambliss, John McCain or any of those other idiots in pale turquoise shoes or lingerie and giant tulle bows!

And there you have it. Ignoring the content and assuming the “real” message. Of course it’s meant to elicit the decision to “fly with them” instead of another.

But the means by which they are attempting, and succeeding, is by eliciting a fear of being left out of “The Good Life”, whatever that may be for people, it hardly matters since it’s speaks to a common, abstract fear that is fairly malleable to those that have spent their lives questing for what they don’t have instead of realizing who they are.

For those that don’t fall prey to doubt and fear the soothing message can go almost unnoticed, and therefore not be remembered in a negative context, but the name recognition has been planted for when a person decides on an airline and the recognizable name in a soothing context memory gives them a feeling of confidence since, after all, who ever heard of flying Seoul City Airlines(I think I just made that up. If not then I am in no way shilling for an airline of that name)? Probably some commuter plane where you’re sitting with weirdos and their goats and chickens. I’ve heard of Korea Air and that takes the stress out of putting my life in their hands.

And then the Marketers have won. I fall for #2 almost every time. It’s all I got since i don’t bother to research things like that. But I hate what commercials want people to believe.

You had me until “Korea,” Betty.

I thought you were referring to something else. ; ) But I know just the guy/team to slap some lipstick on those GOP pigs.

Betty, the qualities that come through your post are QUALITY, COMMITMENT and KNOWLEDGEFULLNESS (or AWARE-ABILITY)

Small Jesus government loving f^gs!

...Actually that sounds like one of Sarah Palin’s tossed word salads…

Betty, you’re the best.

I would love to see how they equate anti-gay and fiscal responsibility since gays are the wealthiest minority in the country.

My first semester in college I took Sociology and the prof asked the question “What do you think happens to the property values in a neighborhood when a gay couple moves in?”  The correct response was that they go up.

I especially like when the dude pops his cork…what the fuck?  I saw that commercial the other night while I was watching my stories and it personally made me never want to fly on that wacky airline.  But that is just me.

Here are a few for the ReDumblicans:
“Bunch of White Dudes and a few Chicks” “Cold War Warriors” “Stay the coursers” “Blind Hatered” “Pandering Wingnuts” “Onward Christian Soldiers”

“What do you think happens to the property values in a neighborhood when a gay couple moves in?” The correct response was that they go up.

True story: Mr. Cracker and I made our initial home buying decision on the strength of a prospective neighbor’s rainbow flag. We were agonizing over a more expensive (though less charming) house in one neighborhood and a crumbling bungalow in a kinda iffy neighborhood that had possibilities.

We chose the latter and ended up doubling our money. Before the market crashed and stranded us in our present white elephant. But the point is, you’re right. If I were Queen of America, I would address urban blight by decreeing tax-reduced Gay Incentive Zones.

I was told I could keep my red stapler.

This is no time to get cocky.  Their new, internets-based strategery is going to completely revive the GOP.

It’s going to be a sea change, kids.  A motherfuckin’ sea change!

Brilliant as always, Betty.  I too was dumbstruck by the KAL commercials.  Like you, I thought, wasn’t the ad agency supposed to take these words and then develop a coherent message that conveyed how flying KAL makes you feel?

My list of words that could be featured in a Republic Air Lines ad:

Projection
Chauvinism
Whiny
Combover
Strident
Leech

It used to be called navel-gazing, but the GOP’s vision has slipped strategerically lower….

The KAL ad had me completely fooled! First I wondered what Project Runway challenge the toilet paper outfit was from, then who decided escort service advertising could go mainstream.
All with that dreamy English-is-not-our-first-language quality.

I was equally befuddled by the KAL ads that seem to run relentlessly on cable news, so I emailed my dad, who spent 40 years as a sales manager in the airline industry:

“The reasoning behind this particular ad campaign is that the US-Korea routes tend to carry a much higher than average number of affluent business travelers.  While the ads have very little appeal to your average business or leisure traveler, they are expected to have strong appeal for those first class/business passengers who have to choose between KAL, United, Northwest, and American.”

So there ya go.  KAL is content to fill their coach seats with bargain hunters, but they want to own the market of those fliers willing to shell out $5k for a first class seat.

In a way, it’s somewhat reflective of the GOP, who have spent the past couple decades appealing to three distinct categories:

1) Older folks who long for a time when children were innocent, you saluted the flag every day, and colored people drank from a different fountain.

2) The ignorant and uneducated who hate/fear everything that is not just like them.

3) Opportunists who seek to exploit the first two categories for profit.

“The reasoning behind this particular ad campaign is that the US-Korea routes tend to carry a much higher than average number of affluent business travelers.  While the ads have very little appeal to your average business or leisure traveler, they are expected to have strong appeal for those first class/business passengers who have to choose between KAL, United, Northwest, and American.”


Yes, having flown to Korea on Korean Air I can tell you the expression “cattle car” came to my mind more than “exquisite” or “visionary”.  I watched that ad about 15 times before I stopped thinking it was a perfume ad and WTF was the KAL stew doing in it.  (I’m allowed to say “stew” instead of “flight attendant” having been one back in the olden days when people actually said that).  Back to your point - it will definitely be interesting to see what sort of phoenix arises from the putrid ashes of what the Repub party has become these days.  Maybe even more than one will emerge?

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