Brian Williams points out that the name of the game is to get elected. No wonder they pay him the big bucks.

Newt balanced the budget four years running. Drink!

Erratic? Erratic?

REAGAN! REAGAN! REAGAN!

Hey Dems, orange you glad the potential nominees are all bananas?

Just checking to see if I had any wit left. Nope! Anybody needs me I’ll be watching NOVA.

Influence peddling is almost as bad as mongering.

Is Newt going to refer all Mitt’s “trivial” accusations to his new FIGHT THE TRUTHS site?

I wondered about the funereal atmosphere. Apparently Williams asked the audience not to express themselves in any way till the end of the debate. Maybe they’ll tear down the walls.

Romney: “At the end of Newt’s term of office, his approval rating was down to 18%.”

John Boehner is crying.

Historian Newt is rewriting history on the fly. I think Politifact’s own pants are going to be on fire at the end of tonight.

Apparently Williams asked the audience not to express themselves in any way till the end of the debate.

Damn those liberal infiltrators cheering for uninsured people to die! Makes us honest hardworking conservatives look bad.

Newt fell on his sword for the good of America! Why didn’t Mitt hire HISTORIANS to unscramble my many silly little ethics charges?

Oh, and HISTORIAN. Drink.

Wlliams says Ron Paul’s supporters are caged out on the street. No wonder it’s quiet.

I think the audience are coughing in code, though. The moderator may have to intervene.

Dr. Paul: I may never have a prayer in this primary contest, but, Newt and Mitt, I can eff either of you up.

Mittens has no reason at all for being embarrassed about his tax ret—HEY, LOOKY OVER THERE! SHINY TAX CUT! DID I MENTION TAX CUTS?

I don’t think you want someone for president who pays more taxes than he should

The American People demand a president who doesn’t get a refund!

Newt is running on cutting Mitt’s tax rate to zero.

Free Enterprise is Mitt Romney, and Mitt Romney is Free Enterprise.

Oh, I do I do I do believe in capitalism!

Newt: “There’s a point in this process where it gets personal and nasty. Watch my smoke.”

Mitt: “Historianing pays well!”

This whole Newt—Mitt—Williams exercise makes me feel like like an eavesdropper at a marriage counseling session.

DEstructive capitalism v CONstructive capitalism. That’s catchy.

Newt is wounded at the nastiness of the attacks on his purely aboveboard activities serving in an advisorial capacity to Freddie Mac.

History! History, and more history!

Wowee. They’re both pretty convincing. Yay

Gentlemen, we’ve let this go because it’s SO DAMN GOOD.

Break time.

Apparently Mitt’s hired Bachmann’s old debate coach. Hmmm.

Harry Reid has minions.

Create an opportunity for people to realize their losses? Do republicans create any other kind?

I think Brian Williams may have regretted asking Ron Paul about the government’s role in ... anything.

Prs. Gingrich brings you BAY OF PIGS PART DEUX!

Williams: “How do you win a war in Afghanistan without talking to the Taliban?”

Mitt: “By WINNING!!!”

Newt isn’t really on his game without a baying audience to play off. And this NBC stage set isn’t doing these pasty dudes any favors.

Oh that Dr. Paul, sounding sane again. How cruel.

Cuban-Americans who appreciate your ability to send packages to their relatives again, we have your back! In the name of freedom, President Santorum will make sure you can’t visit your abuelita! You’re welcome!

Oh that Dr. Paul, sounding sane again.

I’ve made “How would we feel if ...?” one of my drinking trigger phrases.

Another break. Phew.

I don’t think I could sit through this without Richard Adams at the Guardian:

The reason why Newt keeps mentioning Reagan, Pope John Paul and Thatcher, is that he wants to relive his glory years in the 1980s and 1990s. Maybe he should throw Duran Duran in there as well.

Nothing like a another preventive war against a country which hasn’t attacked us! Hey, how about North Korea, Rick?

Of course, our last preventive war strengthened Iran, but never mind.

We’re on to BP and oil policy. I’m cracking a fresh bottle of whisky if we get a “Drill, baby, drill!”

Newt’s Feats of Numeric Recall are mucho Historianesco!

WTF? Santorum just threw the Keystone XL pipeline into his word salad of an answer and said that pumping oil the length of the US was better than transporting it by ship.

Has he looked at Canada recently?

Self-deportation is darling! And if they don’t self-deport, can they self-detain, too?

OMG, the legions of Thompson fans crowding my Thompson post must be in pig heaven tonight! Alert the servers.

OMG, the legions of Thompson fans crowding my Thompson post must be in pig heaven tonight!

They’re in pitched battle with all the folks wanting to read about Ron Paul’s eyebrow over behind the Rumper Room.

Mr. Animatronic attempts the empathy program: “I spent time this morning with eight different individuals….”

And “The president golfs!” Drink.

Teleprompter, Mitt! Go for the floor!

MAKE NASA INTO A POWERBALL LOTTERY!

Another break. Did Boehner do their scheduling?

Time to reapply Dr. Paul’s eye-merkins.

So in this final section, what excuse will Newt be able to find to go off on one (at the moderators if all else fails)? This debate needs a red meat moment.

Reagan! Oh, glass is empty.

Mitt’s five wonderful sons were born to one (1) woman, and NEWT GINGRICH IS AN OLD LECH.

That conservative enough for you?

Newt: I was there when conservativism was conceived! At least that’s what conservatism’s mother accused me of.

More to the point, can Mitt deliver and needle Newt into blowing a gasket before close of play? He had him on the back foot a little earlier.

Rick: Vote for me, because nobody can tell the difference between Newt Gingrich and Barack Obama!

Mitt trots out the “Ted Kennedy had to take a mortgage out on his house to beat me” line again. Did somebody tell him that polls well?

Christ, if this debate finishes with Rick Santorum having given the most animated closer (I thought he actually pasted Newt just now, and Newt had nothing), then hell mend the lot of them.

Well, that’s it. Newt’s going to put whitey on the moon, Mitt’s going to get aliens to teleport themselves. What a bunch of space cadets.

Sorry, Brit. Feel as if I’ve spent the last 90 minutes trying to do the butterfly stroke through glycerine.

Romney’s attempt to describe himself as a conservative was wonderfully inept, though.

Romney’s attempt to describe himself as a conservative was wonderfully inept, though.

Newt topped him with his Baron Gingrichausen résumé.

Now we get an NBC News infomercial.

Mittens did give us a gift tonight, something to have and to hold.

Now if you all will excuse me, I have to self-deport to bed.

Also: Mitt cussing out Obama for not having an aicraft carrier in the Persian Gulf. Guess what ...

I hope they keep coming out with this crap without being called on it all the way to when one of them (or somebody else) ends up onstage with Obama. It’ll be entertaining.

Well, meep, the FSM willing and the server don’t blow up, there’s yet another on Thursday, and that’ll have a red-meat audience.

Apparently it was up to Ann Coulter to point out earlier tonight that the groundrules and atmosphere were much more like a presidential debate will be—more formal, no hooting and baying, no precious ego-feedback for Newt in the unlikely event he’s the nominee.

On this showing, Newt is a paper tiger when it comes to a debate in a quiet room. As for Mitt ...

Maybe he should throw Duran Duran in there as well.

LOL!