Republican Convention Open Thread—Thursday—The Thank Fucking God This Is Nearly Over Edition

I won’t be watching it live.  I don’t even know if I’m going to record it. Here’s a thread for you poor bastards who are going to suffer through the hell that is a John McCain speech.  You can also discuss tonight’s Obama interview on The O’Loofah Factor. I will watch that, but not until after I’ve enjoyed a meal at my favorite local dining establishment.

Posted by Kevin K. on 09/04/08 at 05:59 PM • Permalink

I just read that during Palin’s tenure as mayor, Wasilla was the meth capital of Alaska.

http://www.juneauempire.com/stories/030805/sta_20050308 002.shtml

This is torture having to sit through last nights Palin speech recap while waiting for the Obama interview! Damn I hate Fox news!!

Kevin K.—What is our PROWL? I keep checking my inbox, but I’m not receiving instructions. I’m not sure who we oppose anymore, or how I’m suppose to defeat them.

I dressed my cat in a funny Satah Palin “Star Trek” silver jacket, but I don’t feel like that’s enough.
I think I’ll just keep carving puppet heads and baking Victory Cookies.

RUMPROAST HAKA!

JohnD, I feel yer pain, man. I was actually pissed at Obama for making me sit thru those O’Loofah bits to view his interview. And then the self-aggrandizing cretin (O’Loofah, I mean) just threw out a teaser and a cheap come-on about his upcoming shows during the week. Fuck that noise. I’ll see it when it comes out on the net sans O’Loofah spam.

Oh, for fuck’s sake. Now they’re doing a video to introduce Cindy McCain, who can’t remember how many siblings she has, so she can introduce John McCain, who can’t remember how many houses he has. It’s a paean to Cindy’s mobster creep of a father too.

And does anyone else think it’s weird that she didn’t inform her husband before she adopted a baby? I mean, it’s laudable that she adopted a baby in need and all. But isn’t that a joint decision between husband and wife? I wouldn’t bring home a puppy without at least a heads-up call to the mister, ya know? Says a lot about their relationship.

Sorry, just got back.  So the Obama interview didn’t air tonight?  They were making it out on Fox like it was going to be aired tonight. Shit, I’m horribly sorry if I made anyone sit through the Factor for nothing.

Betty—Cindy doesn’t ask John’s permission for anything. He’s a trophy husband.

Now, is it just me, or do these delegates look waxier and more artificial as time goes by? I can’t believe these people are human.

But isn’t that a joint decision between husband and wife? I wouldn’t bring home a puppy without at least a heads-up call to the mister, ya know? Says a lot about their relationship.

Oh come on Betty. It’s her money. McCain does what the fuck she tells him to do, what’s he gonna do, divorce her?

The video mentioned papa Hensley had to scrape together ten grand to get the Bud distributorship, but didn’t mention he was a convicted felon several times over at the time, and that his money was dirty. Gosh, you’d think people who were so honest would give full disclosure. Also didn’t hear any mention of Cindy’s half-sister. I’m so surprised.

By the way, did anyone hear the angels in the Palin video? I couldn’t stop crying.

O’Loofah showed a 5-minute or so clip, and then said he would air the rest over the next week. The rat-bastard.

But even O’Loofah couldn’t be as phony and cringe-inducing as Cindy McCain is displaying her Valley of the Dolls, Botoxed self to be right now. I’m about to go BLARRRRGH on my Berkies listening to her talk about what a steadfast father and husband McCain is. I wonder what his original wife and kids think about that characterization.

And then she had the fucking nerve to claim McCain never talks about what a hero he was in Vietnam. As if the tiresome old fuck ever talks about anything else! P-fucking-YUKE! Honest to god, you guys. These fucking hypocrites. Cannot. Get. In. The. White. House.

Wow, I’m not sure exactly what time this happened but pretty sad…

Did they just cross the line on 9/11?

Catching up…

“Mother, moose hunter, maverick...”

Did that really just fucking happen?

Also hilarious that the video detailed the cocktail party encounter where the “handsome Captain” first met Cindy, told how they each lied about their age (he saying he was four years younger than he was, and she saying she was four years older) ... but forgot to mention that he was married at the time. Oops.

Brokaw’s really laying the wood on McCain and his cronies tonight on MSNBC.  I think the media isn’t buying into this “back off” bullshit.

So the vid was 85% POW and 15% Other Stuff.

"He found strength in a tiny dank cell.”

And then he tied a bunch of coconuts together, threw them off the cliff, jumped a hundred feet into the ocean, and floated to America, determined that one day he would become president.

Still catching up, but the Cindy McCain video is pretty good.  I like her a lot better than Palin.

OMFG! The Green Screen is back!

Vote Vets dude just got tazed…

greeeeeeen screeeeeeen

McCain votes against vets

She hates your fucking guts you diseased old fuck.

I think see some embalming fluid on his brow.

Jesus fucking christ, is that mccain’s sister or his mom?

cooooooooorrrrnnnnnnn

You don’t have MY respect and admiration, you dishonest, warmongering old fuck.

Code Pink? LOL!

you dishonest, warmongering old fuck

And those are his good points.

Yellow teeth ...

Okay, I liked video Cindy a lot better than real-life, Chris-Matthews-haired Cindy.

I want video Cindy back!

(How many interminable minutes am behind you guys?)

I’m just going to start commenting on stuff that happened two days ago.

"She’s reached across the aisle .... and grabbed a can of green beans.”

she’s worked with her hands and nose .... bwahahahahahah

Is it just me, or is this a goddamned trainwreck? I wouldn’t be surprised if they waxen hordes pulled McCain down and cut his throat and nominated the Hockey Mom by acclaim.

I hate real-life Cindy.

I want video Cindy back. Please?

I wouldn’t be surprised if they waxen hordes pulled McCain down and cut his throat and nominated the Hockey Mom by acclaim.

Im not in the bait of breaking my promises to my country ... nope, just to my crippled wife and my kids ...

Chris would like you to know she’s not comfortable with Sarah Palin’s hand on John McCain’s wheel.

Habit, not bait ...

I want video Cindy back. Please?

The worst is yet to come, my friend.

I’m in my own time zone!

You will know their names ... Like umm .... Palin?

Stole from indian tribes? You really wanna bring up abramoff and norquist?

When the pundits said my campaign is dead “I literally rose from the dead.”

I fight I fight I fight

Jake’s a fucking idiot who fucks too much to support his kids.

McCain’s a fighter. Who knew?

Did he even rehearse this speech?

We’re fast-forwarding.  We should catch up to you in like three hours.

Motherfucker my momma is a bad ass, but she aint God. We believe in hanging chads and ponzi schemes called a free market ... we believe in invading nations that are of no threat to us ... personal responsibility, other than my own failings in that department, are for you, you fucking plebes.

I will talk to you as if you were a retarded nincompoop, should I speak slower and louder?

Chris on McCain video: “Brought to you by Maverick Music Melodies”

Are they using the same theme music for all of these videos?  I can’t tell.  I’ve been hearing the “Welcome to My Study” theme song in my head for two days now.

... where a bureaucrat stands between you and your doctor. “You’d be better off in our system ... where you won’t have a doctor.”

Yes, kk, the ones with the angels humming.

1950’s? Really? Is he gonna bring out Fonzi next? Is Richie Cunningham gonna be secretary of labor?

We will use community colleges to make sure Levi Johnston learns how to properly wrap his Johnson so that we don’t have to explain how Bristol got all knocked up and shit

Parents deserve a choice except when it comers to Momma’s ovaries

The audience isn’t digging this pandering to the plebes stuff. Community college retraining programs? My gawd, man, don’t you know I went to Haaahhh-vahd?

PS: That cringey smile appears after every single lie. Get this man to the poker table, stat!

We’re gonna stop sending money to umm, well, the Saudis hate us, but they’ll still get our cash, but those fuckers in Somalia? Fuck them, they’re just the sand nigger cousins of Obama.

We’ll drill in between Bristol’s legs, we’ll drill in my backyard ... s

Is it just me, or is this a goddamned trainwreck? I wouldn’t be surprised if they waxen hordes pulled McCain down and cut his throat and nominated the Hockey Mom by acclaim.

Betty, I love you.

And here we go. We just got through Fred Thompson’s Boxing Helena intro and we’re into the speech.  Since you guys live in the future, let me know more of what my people can expect after we board the escape pods.

Shit, you guys weren’t kidding about the green screen.

"I’m not afraid of them. I’m prepared for them.”

And he gets a standing ovation. What is wrong with these people?

"When I was five years old ... during the Spanish American war ...”

Drill here! Drill here! Make the pain go away.

I hate war! (Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran...)

"The IT Revolution which I dont know shit about”

The partisan rancor is what’s wrong with Washington, like that traitorous bastard Obama.

PS: Fundie code word alert: SERVANT. Palin used it last night, and McCain just did.

OMG!! Not the POW story again!!

He just hates to talk about his war experiences. He really does. Never brings it up. Never.

"And I found myself falling toward a small lake ...” “And that was when I became qualified to be president.”

John, Didn’t you know he was a POW?

OMFG, again with the early release refusal story. Honest to god, when does it become a punch line? How many times have we heard it tonight alone?

Fuck, me Pop just called, a man who was raised Conservative (real kind) and Republican (real kind) and he said ...

If this guy wins I’m taking mom and moving to Canada.

"And then as I crawled on my cell floor ... on my hands and knees ... I hadn’t eaten for sevenyy five days ... and right then ... I ate a live cockroach and knew one day I’d be president. I became my own man.”

LOL, Humboldt, I’m looking into New Zealand myself. After 8 years of Bush, that’s quite a statement.

If this guy wins I’m taking mom and moving to Canada.

definitely a quote of the day!

PS: Presumptuous watch: did he just say, “So help me God?” Hmmm. Taking the oath of office already, I see.

Fuck you, nothing brings greater happiness than a good bong hit, a cold beer, no bills and a blowjob.

Jesus, that was an embarrassing closing. As if the pack of elderly white plutocrats he was exhorting would fight for anything other than the last piece of prime rib at the carving station.

Beyond bad ...

Someone please shoot Matthews, he sucks McCain’s cock like a 3-dollar whore working a truck stop in Winslow.

Dang, we’re behind you guys and it’s still going on for you?

Is the Baby Daddy on stage? I can’t see for the confetti… Maybe McBush will feel him up again. That was fricking weird.

You’re right, Humboldt. Hope Keith O smacks him down.

Matthews is really praising this speech?  My goshdangdoodle, must have been a hell of a closer.

Stop it, ABC, I want to see Jeopardy.

OH NO THEY FUCKING DIDN’T!!!!!!!

They’re using Earth wind and Fire as exit music?

OH MOTHERFUCVKERS IT. IS. ON.

from Chris (not Kevin K.)

The Harry Potter Logic?
“My opponent” “They” “Some of them”
...really? BARACK OBAMA

It’s interesting to see republicans are taking cues from the fictitious, small minded, scared witches who believed if you don’t say his name, he will remain weak and small.

He who must not be named?

Or maybe, He who walks behind the rows?

Sweet weeping Jeebus beaten senseless with a bamboo baton! They’re actually talking about what a novel event it was for McCain to share his POW stories. I’ve apparently been transported via a tear in the space-time continuum into an alternate universe where McCain hasn’t yammered on about his POW stories non-stop for the past 18 months. That’s it. I can’t watch anymore.

i don’t understand republicans…

mcgerbil is freakign me out

two legs bad, four legs good…

ok I admit it, I am dfnifk (drunk)

ok, so I am watching it on delay/tivo, but mutherfuckier is totally making promises that equal a much bugger (bigger) government and he is a fucking gerbik(gerbil) and a liar

goddam mither fuckker!

Anyone else find it extremely curious that he managed to thank/praise the last two Republican Presidents without saying their names??

I wonder if one of his advisors told him there was too much “name-dropping” in his speech what with all the Jake and Toni Wimmers and Bill and Sue Nebes.  I mean you have to draw the line somewhere.

Alright, well, I have to admit that I always thought Cthulu and The Great Old Ones were just a figment of H. P. Lovecraft’s imagination...but I have seen them tonight, and I have seen their signs and their mindless acolytes.

I don’t care what I have to do, I will not let John McCain and Gov. Klondike open a portal to the quivering, evil emptiness between the stars. And I absolutely refuse to live in a universe where stupid people start wearing beehive hairdos and rectangular glasses as status symbols.

If this means reanimating the corpse of Peter Cushing, so be it.

please tell me that’s not ‘barracuda’ by heart…

Sorry, missmira. That was Heart.

Cthulu has no decency and no pity.

Did anyone see the RNC 9/11 tribute video?  No I am not joking. (via The Jed Report)
Just when you thought the repubs couldn’t get any lower.  This really has my blood boiling.

Here is my response to the RNC

iceberg wedge: as a New Yorker, that video made me sick

Somebody else said this better than me but I like it a lot and paraphrase:

“Dear Republicans.. you have a choice to make: either you can continue to make fun of arugula-eatting, latte-sipping, liberal cosmopolitan East Coast New Yorkers >OR< you can exploit 9/11.  But you can’t DO BOTH.  You can’t mock the ones who survived while simultaneously scaring >the rest of the country< by constantly bringing up those who died.  Thanks, -New York City”

Here’s an interesting note about the McCain speech:

http://www.time-blog.com/swampland/2008/09/mccain_versu s_the_teleprompter.html

It’s followed in the comments by the best synopsis I’ve seen.

Shorter John McCain acceptance speech:

“My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.”

Posted by FastEddie | September 4, 2008 10:50 PM

Fine. I’ll be the first to say it.

I thank him for his service. But I don’t care that he was a POW. It’s fucking irrelevant.

Minus that, he’s just a creepy, grinning liar with a wife who must have been something, before electricity.

I see people like that everyday, and usually they’re trying to sell me Amway products.

John McCain is eight years too late for the brass ring.

“Dear Republicans.. you have a choice to make: either you can continue to make fun of arugula-eatting, latte-sipping, liberal cosmopolitan East Coast New Yorkers >OR< you can exploit 9/11.  But you can’t DO BOTH.  You can’t mock the ones who survived while simultaneously scaring >the rest of the country< by constantly bringing up those who died.  Thanks, -New York City”

I like that too Michael, but I am going to have to spew out the bile inside me before I can truly appreciate that. 

as a New Yorker, that video made me sick

I’m New Yorker as well. I would add that as human beings that video should make everyone sick.

I think Levi started drilling early.

I’ll have to read this later, I’m still laughing over the Daily Show showing the sexism that was “okay” with Hillary and “you’re all going to hell!!!!” with Palin.

“Are we going to have the Presidents of the United States saying ‘the boys are picking on me’?  This is what Hillary always does whenever she gets under fire...she retreats behind the apron strings”

Apron string thy name is McCain, retreater thy name is Palin.

I saw a news article today that compared Palin to Margaret Thatcher, I mean for crying out loud!

Palin is no Hillary, she’s no Thatcher, hell she’s not even a Helen Clark (who would probably slit her own throat before tossing out a sexism card).

"LOL, Humboldt, I’m looking into New Zealand myself. After 8 years of Bush, that’s quite a statement. “

Sheesh, Betty, dunno how to take that statement! lol