Road Apple Pie for the Soul: The Composted Leavings of Snowflake Snooki

Imagine Mister Magoo playing Boswell to a coat rack for 208 pages—not because it’s necessarily an apt metaphor, but just because it’s vastly less unsettling than the thought of a sentient human editor volunteering to sieve out and polish the petrified wisdom-turds of America’s least literary political paperweight. Then thank Christ it was Daily Caller contributor Matt Lewis who applied for the gig instead of you.

The Quotable Rogue hasn’t been released yet, but if the publisher’s teaser selections are any indication, you’ve read the best parts already:

• “We need to spend more time lifting up America instead of apologizing for the greatest country on earth.”

• “How’s that hopey-changey thing workin’ out for you?”

• “My dad always says, ‘Don’t retreat, just reload.’  Don’t let anybody tell you to sit down and shut up.”

I mean — minus “death panels” and a transcript of her epically discombobulated resignation speech — that’s pretty much her entire oeuvre right there. In three years, Palin hasn’t made enough memorable pronouncements to fill up an eye chart, so how Lewis managed to froth this out to 200+ pages is anybody’s guess.

Kudos to the jacket designer, though, for the image of the moose with quotation-mark antlers. I suspect there’s a lot more of those inside the book, majestically roaming a stark expanse of white space, page numbers, topic headings and stubbly patches of stump speech…alert yet unconcerned, and only occasionally startled to attention by the turbine-whine of the wind whistling through the Index.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 04/26/11 at 08:00 AM • Permalink

Categories: PoliticsNuttersSarah Palin

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how Lewis managed to froth this out to 200+ pages is anybody’s guess.

Oversized fonts and immense margins, just like I used to do in high school.

Here’s hoping Master Thespian Mr. William Shatner narrates the audio version.

Comment by J. on 04/26/11 at 08:49 AM

That moose reminds me of this one.

Comment by Tasty Pie on 04/26/11 at 09:48 AM

The Quotable Rogue: The Ideals of Sarah Palin in Her Own Words

Note to publisher: This trick has already been done to death.

The moose is a dingbat.

I’m sure the book is filled with lots of dingbats.

What?

Printer’s dingbats.

I can’t help it if that’s what they’re called. ;o]

This could (and should) have been a hilarious book. Perhaps it will be. If not, what a wasted opportunity.

There will be a parody out with a dead moose on the cover in about three seconds, assuming Sarah’s celebrity lasts long enough.

Note: Sarah didn’t come up with “How’s that Hopey-Changey etc,” either. It was in common enough usage for a delightful person to have made a Zazzle sticker out of it in July of ‘09, seven months before the North Starling’s HANDwritten Tea Party Convention squawks.

That’s 33 1/3% less notable quotes right there, although cribbing answers certainly goes right along with 1/2 Gov. Sharpie’s palm-cheating ability.

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