YAFB, I better edit and clarify the original post—I meant something WE write to compete with the wingnut paeans. But maybe what they’re cranking out is beyond satire…your samples kind of suggest they may be. Heh.

Oops. Red face time here. Still, better we clarified that early on, and I guess those two set the bar!

No worries—I could have been clearer. Your examples indeed set the bar. How low can we go?

Shannyn Moore:

Alaska’s willingness to do business with Exxon was like having your parents rent the basement to the guy who date raped you on prom night. Now Palin is claiming victory for the people of Alaska? Reality Deficit Disorder, now in book form.

Am I doing it right?

For me, it was the moment our glittering heroine stepped on stage at the Republican National Convention in that mad summer of aught-8.

Never in life have I been moved by the simple, homespun grace of America’s fiercest political animal, a woman, almost glowing with confidence, competence and energy rocked that crowd like Led Zepp circa ‘75.

It was a coronation, a crowning achievement accomplished by an American who truly understands what America is all about—speeches, no abortions, new clothing, teeanged mothers and tax cuts. I teared up while cheering myself hoarse because I knew, at that moment, in that arena, I had witnessed the greatest debutante entrance in the history of debutantedness.

For the next three months I sat riveted by every speech as she consistently fired up the crowds filled with real Americans who recognize that government is an evil force sent by Satan to oppress the chosen ones who claim the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ as their personal savior and valet.

As time went on and we witnessed the greatest usurpation of power by power-hungry black people this nation has ever witnessed short of “Fear of a Black Planet” I became more and more convinced that the angels sang when Palin spoke and the God himself had touched her in a special way and was now touching America in a special way and I tingled.

For months I tingled and I tingle to this day, remembering those feelings, that special touch brought forth by creator that will ensure that Godliness, familiness and tax cutliness will reign over the land and all the haters will die of hate and the cynics will perish from boils sent by our all-loving father, who will not only make them suffer from boils and frogs on earth, but will then condemn them to a hell filled with moose jerky and Limbaugh re-runs for all eternity.

Life changed that summer night in aught-8. Life as we know it has been forever and inexorably changed.

Palin. Sarah Palin, sent by Jesus, crowned by God and anointed with the fiscal oil of free marketeers everywhere.

God bless us, everyone. Also. Such as, too.

Betty, I’m not quite clear on what you mean by “original.”

I mean, even cave paintings are derivative. ;->

Sarah Palin’s Going Rogue!  The thrilling tale of the thrilling life of the thrilling VP-candidate!  It’s thrilling!  It’s got WORDS! Even SENTENCES! Learn who to hate!  Who to love! Who to buy photographs of to use for target practice!  Which is NOT an endorsement of any acts of violence against them, as our numerous lawyers wish to remind you, and we are direly offended that you think that! We are all good and virtuous Americans with clear consciences here.  Are you sleeping easy these nights, bub?  And remember—2012!  Not that she’s going to run, but—you know…  BE PREPARED!

I have been looking forward to this book since the day Sarah announced she was writing it. After Hillary had the nomination stolen from her Sarah has been my shining light of hope.

I was lucky enough to arrange a ParaTransit ride to her book signing and received an autographed copy from our Last Real American. I will treasure it for the rest of my life.

Back at the home I read it cover to cover, pausing only to hide the book from that darkie male nurse that is an Obot (and who I know wants to rape me), and of course, Wheel.

Sarah’s words restored my dream that we will one day take our country back. I truly believe Clinton/Palin in 2012 would be an unstoppable force. I’m sure with their bond of the sisterhood they will be able to work out any policy differences and we would finally achieve a 100% vagina powered White House.

My only regret is for some reason Sarah refused to sign the book with the bloodied cock-stump I cut off of an Obot.

One word for all you Sarah-haters out there: FAIL!  This book has changed my life.  I can’t wait to read chapter two.

Plainspoken Patriot Palin Speaks Truth to Truth

As I stood trembling with cold and anticipation this morning waiting for my local Barnes&Noble; to open, I knew that I had within myself the power to counter some of the filthy drive-by media lies about Sarah Palin’s Going Rogue.

To my immense delight, I found this book full of hope, wisdom, intelligence and truthiness!  That awful interview with “Orca” yesterday had left a bad taste in my mouth and this book was the refreshing, minty mouthwash I needed.

As I had anticipated and hoped for, Sarah is not responsible for ANY of the bad things that have happened to her - the Couric interview was an evil left-wing agenda hit job; the McCain campaign was riddled with hate and resentment toward her and tried to undermine her at every turn; the misogynists in the media had it out for her and no one understood her need to pull her kids out of school and surround her like a mink cape on a Juneau night at every campaign stop.

And don’t even get me started on daughter-impregnator Ricky Hollywood!

This book will go down in history as the best smackdown of the MSM ever written and surely rocket her to the top of Republican, Independent and PUMA consideration for 2012.

Palin is a true Patriot, an unabashed Christian and probably the most astute politician to hit the American stage since William Jefferson Clinton.  If you read no other book this decade, make sure to read Going Rogue.  You’ll not regret it!

I found a comfortable chair and settled in with my favorite afghan and a cup of Camille tea, my dog Elbow snuggled up sleepily at my feet. I hesitated for a moment.  Was it anticipation I was savoring?  Or a hint of anguish for my once beloved country gnawing at my bowels like one of those Vite Namese pigs that Luke Perry is always trotting about?  I took a sip of tea, took a deep breath and fingered the edged of the binding for a moment - as my fingers ruffled the many pages I was soon to enjoy, I thought about what had brought me - brought us - to this moment. 

A Democratic Primary so imbolated with lies and media hype.  Thousands of registered and nearly registered voters losing their voices in the mailstorm of big business and woman hating.  A chance to bring someone with Ronald Reagan’s cold war sensibility to lead us, once again, to that shiny city on the hill. [note - check Reagan quote: “shiny city on the hill” or “shining city on that grassy knoll”? before publishing]

I wondered if the saga I was about to read would live up to the expectoration I’d built up in my own mind.  I let the pages flip lazily back and forth, hoping against hope that I wouldn’t be tempted to jump to the last page and spoil it for myself.  Hoping that a word wouldn’t jump out at me - lipstick! no thanks! hatchet job! - and distract me so that I’d end up missing the tension as it built from the beginning.

My cat, Pipe Wrench, meowed methodically from her perch on the piano bench, and I knew that it was time.  Time to dive in and let the waves of Can-Doism wash over my ears like a siren’s blare to see the truth.  And so, I began.

37 pages in and I was hooked!  Sarah Palin writes with such grace and a plum, I can’t believe she was treated so harshly by the liberal media.  If only they’d let her write her responses instead of forcing her to speak!  Her clearity and purpose shine through every page like a merit badge of “Hey, I have something to say, darn it!”  She stands tall and tells it like she is, without holding any punches for the slobs and geeks in the world of politics and media.

I was terrified when I read about the truly awful things she endured at the hands of the McCain campaign staff. The ritual bathing, the perfumes and nylons - she’s a WOMAN, not a mannequin!  Her children, god bless them, were off limits but that didn’t stop the McCain staffers and MSM from dragging them into the limelight and punishing them for their Mother’s transmissions.  Children!

Most of all, what impressed me with Sarah’s book was the way she made me feel like she was sitting down and just talking to me.  It had a warmth you don’t find in a lot of books - Dan Brown, Stephen King, James Koontz, they all lack that humanity that only a story teller like Sarah and Lynn Vincent could bring to the story of her own life.

I’m going to set the book down for a few days and mule it over a while.  A book like this, a story like this needs time to work its way into your soul and find a comfortable place to start warming your heart.  I feel so enerjizzed after reading this book, though, I feel like I could run for Vice President, too!  And probably do just as well as Sarah did! 

And to all the nailsayers who think that Sarah doesn’t know anything about policy?  Well, you haven’t read her book yet!  You’ll see just how much she knows, and you’ll probably be even more scared when she runs again in 2012!

This just in from the LA Times.

I’m waiting for Darragh Murphy to tell me what to think about it.

There is just one word to describe this book: Mavericky.

“Going Rogue” Literally Made My Head Explode

By Sissy Meg Staplekind

It started with a whimper. Quietly, unnoticed, it built into a primal scream capable of shattering glass ceilings in distant galaxies into 18 gazillion-bavillion-ding-dong-dillion shiny, glittery pieces. We made this happen. You did. And She did. But most of all, I did.

For weeks after the Towering Tsunami of Sexism toppled Hillary’s bid for the White House, leaving literally every woman on earth clinging to the shards of her sanity as the Mudslide of Misogyny mercilessly mowed down everything in its path, the ripples from that seismic event ricocheted unabated, ushering in a new wave of despondency.

Seeking solace, I fled upstairs and shut myself up in a dark room. “What would I tell my daughter,” I wondered, as she pounded on the door whining about lunch money. An old friend from my Wall Street days, where we were literally the only women in the “jungle,” so to speak, phoned, but I was too consumed with despair to answer.

And then one day, the Mary Kay Lady called, shrilling with excitement! John McCain picked Sarah! For his running mate! To be Vice President! Of the United States!

It was as if Hillary had arisen from the mythical Phoenix ashes. Sure, Sarah and Hillary didn’t agree on every single, solitary, little, itty-bitty policy issue. But a powerful sisterhood formed between these two Towering Titans as they mounted twin surfboards and rode the Fourth Wave into infinity. We made this happen.

Every day on my blog, we find fresh evidence of a primal longing as my co-bloggers and I document one another’s yearning for Hillary-Sarah, a wave of longing that builds to a towering height and threatens to sink our server under the weight of its quadruple-cross-linked desperation.

Channeling that tide of yearning into canals of internet activism, we have achieved the most significant advance for women since the 19th Amendment. And now Sarah strides across the global stage like a Colossus, beckoning women of all party affiliations to throw off the yoke of the O-ppressor. Will you have the courage to heed Her call?

Seeking solace, I fled upstairs and shut myself up in a dark room. “What would I tell my daughter,” I wondered, as she pounded on the door whining about lunch money. An old friend from my Wall Street days, where we were literally the only women in the “jungle,” so to speak, phoned, but I was too consumed with despair to answer.

Priceless.  <humble bow>

Jesus, Betty, I’m not worthy. I’m throwing in my Rumproast posting card and will forevermore lurk.

Quick: How do you say “ZOMFG!” in Esperanto?

Better yet, just patch me into the Universal Translator on the Starship Enterprise, open a hailing frequency and broadcast a Priority One Distress Call to every quadrant of the Federation: “Man Overboard for Going Rogue!”

Liberal reviews of Lady Sarah’s stunning new National-Anthem-in-Prose read like pitch-meeting pantomimes for a script treatment of Silence of the Sheep (“It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it reads the book again.”)—but to them I say “Starve me skinny and wear me like a man-skirt, Momma Bear. I was born to adorn you!”

Denali ain’t just a mountain in Alaska, so let’s ignore the snowblind libtard barbs. As far as this reviewer is concerned, it’s never too soon to swoon over the Gal of Steel. To paraphrase the Regal Ronaldus, Going Rogue is proof positive that it’s Morning Wood in America.

Going Comes!

Beyond the politics of personal destruction, from the pro-America pockets of real America, comes Going, a shining beacon of all of the hard-working, very patriotic areas of America, which is awesome.  Sarah Palin’s record is out there and her life is out there and the world is literally her oyster also.  Alaska is all over the world map right now and Americans at the end of the day are going to be able to go back and look at track records and see who’s more apt to be talking about solutions and wishing for and hoping for solutions for some opportunity to change, and who’s actually done it?

And that’s Going, from a Washington outsider that opponents are going to be looking for a whole lot of things that they can criticize on, and they can kinda try to beat the former Governor here, to kind of tear down the book. But as for foreign policy, you know, Going shows she’s prepared and she knows that she’s ready. She has that confidence. She has that readiness. And if you want specifics, specific policy or countries, go ahead and you can read the book. You can even play “Stump the Book” if you want to. But she’s ready.