Ron Paul: Eyebrowgate, Or Just Kill Me Now

Lord help me, I’ll post anything to forestall Strange polluting the blog with more wacky wingnut wimmin today (Hillary being the exception that he’ll no doubt cower behind to prove some sort of rule or other), but the odd case of Ron Paul’s Eyebrow With A Life Of Its Own escaped me in the flurry of fluff that was the GOP New Hampshire debate.

It escaped me, but apparently not the approximately 1,990,000 benighted souls who’ve discussed this issue over the past couple of days.

What’s that? You don’t know what I’m talking about? Here, this’ll help.

And yes, there’s pictorial evidence:

image

In case that’s inconclusive, here’s a more forensic view:

image

Now, as a male, I’m of an age when hair has long decided to sprout in profusion from every conceivable orifice. Sartorially, the options are simple: you either live with it, chop it off, or plait it. Whatever, you rejoice in the very existence of these options, as it’s a damn sight easier to remove it or keep it in check than it is to fudge its absence if that irks you in this folliculist world we inhabit.

Some have found this disturbance in Mr. Paul’s face field difficult to ignore. I decided to take a pseudo-random sample of opinions on the subject, and found that David Magee of the International Business Times was one:

The Republican debate on Bloomberg is underway at Dartmouth, and the focus is on something critical to America: The economy. But I’ve barely heard a word said in the first 18 minutes of the debate because I’m so concerned about Ron Paul’s fake eyebrow, which is falling off.

At first, I thought it must be a mistake—that maybe the Texas Congressman running for the GOP presidential nomination was being shown in a strange set let on the Bloomberg TV broadcast.

But as Paul kept talking in his first turn to answer a question at the roundtable-style debate, hosted by Charlie Rose and sponsored by Bloomberg and The Washington Post, it was clear that he was wearing fake eyebrows and that his right eyebrow—showing up on the left on TV, was falling off.

Some may take it as a commentary on the quality of the debate, or perhaps even the candidates, that this was the viewer’s primary focus. Some might even be a little abashed at drawing attention to it, lest it mask some health condition that would in retrospect render the incautious observer a cad for passing comment. Not Mr. Magee, who warms to his theme:

Ron Paul is wearing fake eyebrows, and I can never take the man serious again as a candidate for president. Paul is entertaining—especially tonight—and he’s got some interesting positions, like the one that the Federal Reserve is America’s anti-Christ. But we can’t have a man in the White House who wears fake eyebrows, and poor ones at that.

Magee is not one to shy away from the day’s pressing issues as a proportion of America weighs which nutter to promote to the position of Most Powerful Person Astride the Most Appalling Economic Mess of the Century (Let’s Just Push This Button and See What Happens, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?). His envoi doubles down:

(Note: Paul fixed the falling eyebrow during a debate break at the one hour mark, but the falling eyebrow returned by the hour-and-a-half mark.)

For balance, I visited the Daily Paul blog, where the story had apparently hit a nerve, judging by this entreaty:

Paul’s Eyebrow: Vote this article DOWN, here
Submitted by paul-for-liberty on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 23:51

http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/229352/20111011/republican-d...

vote it down, top right of the article window, click the red thumb-down icon.

The support for Mr. Paul was all he might have wished for, from some:

I hope that when I am 76 that I will have eyebrows just like Ron Paul.

I have had a fake leg for 22 years and it has no bearing on my beliefs, integrity, or anything else that really matters.

But others are apparently more wishy-washy:

why the f*ck would they put fake eyebrows on RP??
..cut the gay crap altogether campaign. no douchebag man tans, no fake eyebrows, no BS ever..

I didn’t notice during the debates, but I just went back to check the Ron Paul highlight reel. I have to admit, it does look like his eyebrow is falling off. So yes, I now believe he was wearing fake eyebrows.

The question then remains, how do I feel about that? It makes me disappointed with the campaign and his advisers. One of the biggest pluses of Ron Paul is that he is real, honest, and earnest. It’s a bit maddening that the campaign can’t realize a big draw of Ron Paul’s is that he is not a plastic man.

And so a long and colorful political career stutters into its twilight—not with a bang, but with a wimp hair.


More: David Magee has now predictably been taken to task in no uncertain terms in his article’s comments by Paulites alerted to his work by the Daily Paul post cited above. Also predictably, he’s now being taken to task in no uncertain terms by Paulites in the comments to his follow-up article reporting that he’d been taken to task in the comments to his original article.

Posted by YAFB on 10/13/11 at 05:37 PM • Permalink

Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersOur Stupid MediaPoliblogsSkull Hampers

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Things like this always remind me of the guy in that psycho anime FLCL, the one who thinks you need thick eyebrows to be manly so he sticks two big rectangles of seaweed to his forehead.

We should get him for president.

Great closing!

I think I’ve only read one political blog post this month, and boy did I get lucky.

Think he gets his ‘brows from the same place Junior Paul gets that crown of ringlets he sports?

I’ve been tweezing squiggly copper Barry Fitgerald brow hairs for so long that my face is a blank from my window’s peak to my nether parts. It never occurred to me to replace them with a prosthetic eye merkin.

I have, however, considered an “amoeba hair” transplant, à la Kenji Murasame in Giant Robo.

Ron Paul: Hair today, gone tomorrow.

I do not think of it as him losing his fake eyebrows. I think of it as his human disguise finally failing.

The question then remains, how do I feel about that?

Actually, no, the question does not remain.  You ran after it and dragged it back here.  Shame on you.

To review:

Fake eyebrows (that are exactly like the real brow bushes he’s had for centuries) = A nasty bad horrible betrayal.

Lame-assed combover: No problem.

Whatever. Let’s just hope the rEVOLution dissolves into bitter and very public infighting.

Ya know, I think you’re being a bit hard on the guy. After all this is Dr. Ron Paul, a modern-day Founding Father (saw that recently, almost drove off the road laughing so hard, gotta go back and take a picture).

Since wearing fake hair (e.g. wigs) is, in fact, explicitly allowed in the Constitution, Dr. Paul (based on his modern-day Founding Father status) has simply used the modern-day incarnation of wigs, that is, to say, fake eyebrows.

So there.

Lord the things people will focus on as important.

*sigh*

Are we really sure those are fake and not just long and unruly? Perhaps now in need of some styling gel to get them to lay relatively flat and not be all old-man-crazy-looking?

My eyebrows went from normal to deciding they needed to try for a length record about 10 years ago, so they get a trim every week or so, and I’m not even male.  RP is old enough that we can add the wild gray hair factor in there too (oh, you all know about wild gray hair, and if you don’t, you soon will.  Dog willing.).

RP’s eyebrow haz a sad.

I heard he was going to be deported but they had to let him stay because he had a cat on his forehead.

Ron Paul’s eyebrow – notably, his right eyebrow – cannot be constrained by your oppressive liberal dogma and the heavy hand of government regulation on personal grooming.  Sure, mocking eyebrow fluffing is good elitist fun, my friends, but it’s a slippery slope from there to fascism. 

I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never groom my eyebrows for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to groom my eyebrows for me.

First they came for the toupées, and I did not speak out, for I did not wear a toupée.

Then they came for the combovers, and I did not speak out, for I did not sport a combover.

Then they came for the 70s porn ‘staches, and I did not speak out, for I did not have a 70s porn ‘stache.

Then they came for me… and there was no one left to tweeze.

Rats, the link went askew - it was supposed to go to images of John Stossel.

Think he gets his ‘brows from the same place Junior Paul gets that crown of ringlets he sports?

A very important point Messr. Bouffant and one so far not picked up on.  After all when one’s offspring sports a tribble a fake eyebrow or two is really only a step further.

Can they be from the same source as the thing attacking Sully’s face? After all, he’s a Junior Paulite.

It is all about age - Paul is trying to pass for a crackpot in his mid-sixties, not seventies.

Paul is a year older than John McCain, and is already 7 years older than Reagan was when Reagan took office.  Are we ready for an 80 year old president?  Are we ready for an 80 year old first term president?

I’m with StringonaStick in thinking that it’s not a case of fake eyebrows but rather natural eyebrows that have decided to weave themselves into movable pods. I have an uncle about Paul’s age whose eyebrows have arranged themselves into thick, wiry, shelf-like configurations that appear solid enough to support a mantel clock. When the poor man mops his brow with a hankie, sometimes they’ll transform into wide, ovalish Brillo pad-like objects until tamed back into their rectangular shelf-shape.

I’m not too concerned about this issue, either. Hasn’t anyone seen Andy Rooney? His eyebrows look like two live mice.

He is lucky.  When I was a child, we were so poor we couldn’t afford any eyebrows.  Ron Paul has four.

shelf-like configurations that appear solid enough to support a mantel clock

Yay, Brezhnev-brows!

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