Rumperdome II: Beyond the One from a Few Days Ago
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we don’t need to hold on for another hero ‘til the end of the night
I’m often asked “gil, why do you read the Daily Caller if you don’t agree with its editorial stance, gain insight from its reporting, or find its human-interest stories compelling?” To which I can only respond “You’re not really here! You’re something my subconscious whipped up in response to the battery of booze and pills I’ve ingested, then sent forth to taunt me! GO ‘WAY!” Then I whip a bottle at them and they evaporate. But they raise an interesting question!
An interesting question I’m not going to answer, because this isn’t about me, it’s about me getting my jollies setting you, the readers, against each other in a horrifying bout of bloodsport. That’s right, it’s time for…
THAT THING I SAID IN THE TITLE ALREADY. (trumpet fanfare)
Hey, y’ever notice that conservatives have two diametrically opposing views on evolution? They either deny that it’s a settled fact, or they swear up and down that it explains why they’re such assholes—nay, must be such assholes. Yeah, so here’s an example of the latter, a real corker of a piece, in the sense that it’s as dumb as a Republican Senator from Tennessee. The title is “Study with a lesson: Persistence gets the ugly guy the hot girl,” and yet that is not at all an accurate summation of its contents, which drives home two points simultaneously: Point one, columnists rarely write their own headlines. Point two, know your audience!
“There are two ways you can make an error as a man,” Dr. Carin Perilloux said. “Either you think, ‘Oh, wow, that woman’s really interested in me’ and it turns out she’s not. There’s some cost to that, such as embarrassment or a blow to your reputation. The other error: She’s interested, and he totally misses out. He misses out on a mating opportunity. That’s a huge cost in terms of reproductive success.”
COMMENTER DEATHMATCH CHALLENGE:
Okay, now this one’s a toughie, so remember, if you don’t have what it takes, there’s no shame in that. But you hardy intellectual adventurers with imaginations vast as the sky above, with minds that ask “why not” rather than “why,” can test your mettle by answering the following:
Is there a third way you can make an error as a man?
(incredulous murmuring from crowd)
Okay, settle down, I said it was gonna be hard, didn’t I? Now just take a deep breath and see if you can come up with something. Also, what’s with the costumes? I hadn’t heard anything about a pink elephant flash mob.
CONTEST RULES: None save for one: the answer “Take dating and/or sex advice from a website founded by a guy famous for wearing a bow tie” will not be accepted, as it is way too obvious and also i called it.
1st Prize: You get to continue not being the kind of person who reads crap like that and thinks they can apply it to their own pathetic love-life somehow.
2nd Prize: Sex and lots of it! I know, I know, seems like the order of these two prizes should be inverted, but I didn’t tell you who the sex is with, did I? Two words: bow tie. Oh, don’t worry, it’s not Tucker Carlson. Not sure whose idea it was to greenlight a Don Knotts RealDoll, but the price was right.
3rd Prize: The satisfaction of knowing that you helped me get three comments on this dumb post, thus exceeding my wildest expectations.
Welcome to Rumperdome. Please wipe your shoes on the welcome scalp.
Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/16/11 at 08:13 PM • Permalink
Categories: Geek Speak • Messylaneous • Sports •
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