Rumproast Comment of the Year

Needed something light for the morning post, so I’m going to pinch an idea from John Cole. Please use this post to submit some of your favorite Rumproast comments of 2008.  Provide a link to the associated post with the comment and context where necessary.

Here are a few to get you started…

Chris writing about PUMA Elizabeth Joyce on Larry King:

God, that smile.  I think that’s what’s left of her hollowed-out soul trying to escape her face.

Ripley chiding me for complaining about a rough bout at the gym:

Walk it off, snack fairy!

Mrs. Polly wondering if listing her TV guilty pleasures proves that she’s womanly enough for the PUMAs:

Or do I actually have to wave a fallopian tube at you? I only have one, but it’s pink and pretty and ruffled as a tween girl’s canopy bed.

Dewberry before Sarah Palin’s debut at the RNC:

The irony of all ironies is that I’ll miss Sarah’s speech because I have a PTA meeting tonight. 

I am going to be sure and scan the crowd for the 2012 VP nominee.

Hell, those are just four quick and random (and glorious) picks.  There are several Roasters not even represented above who knock out ripsnorters on an hourly basis, so you’ve got a lot to choose from.  Get to it!

MORE: Here’s the advanced search page if ya need it.

Posted by Kevin K. on 12/31/08 at 10:30 AM • Permalink

Categories: Knee SlappersMessylaneousRumproast Related

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Wow, definitely a lot of great stuff! Given my sieve-like mind, I’ll go with the most recent one to make me howl—by Tom65:

“The funniest thing here - and perhaps the most disturbing - is that it never occurs to Joe that he’s brought playdough to a gunfight.”

KK, I’m not sure this is what you were looking for, but I feel that this post from the “Another Epic Fail” PUMA thread has an evergreen from-the-heart message for all ‘Roasters.

It always amazes me when people are threated by PUMA Pac. All that time spent posting and commenting negative things about PUMA could actually be spent doing something useful for this country.

1. Volunteer at the children’s ward of your local hospital.
2. Spend time at a senior center and hang out with the folks that don’t have any family.
3. Collect and donate items to an animal shelter.
4. Write letters to members of the military who will be spending the holidays without their families.

I can guarantee you that using your energy in a positive way will make you feel better about yourself. :)
Comment by Joanne on 11/19/08 at 12:24 AM

I can guarantee you that using your energy in a positive way will make you feel better about yourself. :)

Well, yeah, but what about the laughter, Joanne? PUMAs are much easier to make fun of than stray dogs and invalids.

One of my favorites was a series of comments on the post about Ann Coulter breaking her jaw which ended with poputonian’s:

It probably broke when she unhinged it to swallow <strike>her dinner</strike>: <strike>a live</strike> <strike>rat</strike> <strike>human</strike> <strike>liberal</strike> Obama.

Fixed.

I’ve gotta go with this recent gem, which is a quote from our mole, RunningDogLackey, posted here as a quote from the Harriet Christian senate appointment endorsement page:

Leave it to the PUMAs to protest Caroline Kennedy’s political inexperience by backing a candidate who is one crazed outburst away from pushing a grocery cart full of aluminum cans and dead cats down Broadway, while arguing with parking meters.

That’s some funny shit.

This is one of my recent favs:

Stinch be not proud
A pinch not as loud
of bleech speakith I
like a trumpet of strumpets
and what rhymes with mumpetts ?

Don’t dance her
don’t plants her
come blitzen on nixon
We strap on the Dixons
Obamas not fixin

a pass like the donnor
our dinner we honor
we vomit on comet
don’t smash her
don’t dash her

Not stupid like Cupid
whom what should appear
a bobblehead dashboard thing
up from the rear

I heard it assert itself
as it grew far less near
and go out of site

with eight tiny footprints
go not quietly
into the night

say no to the cold fallen snow
Bot be not O
Comment by scooter on 12/14/08 at 04:06 PM

It is really hard to come up with just one, after all one of the reasons I liked this blog so much from the beginning was that the comments were as funny and interesting as the posts.  But Mrs. Polly’s wry deadpan humor always cracks me up.  I don’t know exactly where it was or exactly how it was phrased but she said that Darragh Murphy’s firing of the documentary producer coincided beautifully with running out of money with which to pay him.

What marindenver said. This place is like the Algonquin Round Table—and how do you choose between Dorothy Parker and Harpo?

For pure snappiness and T-shirtability, though, “Snack fairy” may be in a class by itself. I mean, it would be worth making one more Dirty Harry movie with an 80-year-old Clint Eastwood, just so he could say that after he shoots people.

I’m not sure if solicited (and later featured) poetry counts as a comment, but I’m still marveling at the beauty of the repeat couplet at the end of WearingHobosFaces’s PUMApoetry masterpiece:

insert angry kitten jpeg here
insert angry kitten jpeg here

Forget it. If I go ferretting around here for the best of the snark I’ll wind up snarfing my lungs.

Now, how do I vote AGAINST anything StrangeAppar8us has said?

HTP—Just go right ahead…whenever you think you’re MAN enough.

Pfffft!

This comment is ineligible, coming as it does from a non-‘Roaster on an Enemy Blog. However, for “time capsule” purposes, I think this thread should include an example of the ferocious and malevolent intelligence that we, as a community, have joined together to oppose:

KarenWI 12.31.08 at 2:18 pm

I saw downstairs that ValleyWitch said she’d get on her knees for cheese curds! Well, we have them all over the place here! Of course we’re right by several cheese factories here, and cheese stores. But the grocery stores are always full of fresh ones here every day! Yup… every day another batch of fresh, squeeky, cheese curds!!! Usually the cheddar curds- you won’t find the mozerella ones very often.

This is what we’re up against, folks—a calculating, remorseless evil like nothing our Republic has ever faced before. And I, for one, am proud to be down here in the trenches, shoulder-to-shoulder with a bunch of wicked, snot-launching crack-ups whose words draw blood without ever breaking the skin.

This may not count as a comment strickly speaking, since its excerpted from one of Betty’s posts, but I loved her great hoops of fire summation of the PUMAs:

Even if the rank-and-file clowns of this year’s election sideshow, the PUMAs, can’t perceive it, their leaders surely know the circus will soon fold its big tent. When your entire act consists of jumping through flaming hoops of gender, age and race-based resentment, lurid personal psychodrama and self-destructive vitriol centered around one year’s election results, well, it’s not a show with a long shelf life.

i think thats a great paragraph.

*

I wasn’t really chiding you with the snack fairy bit, KK - just happy to find an occasion to use it in a semi-viable context.  (It’s from a Fig Newtons commercial with Colin Mochrie, for those who aren’t familiar with the line.)

In my experience, most of the comments here blur together into a wonderful sherbet of snark and hilarity, but I may be biased.

Kevin, you heartless monster.  You’re forcing us all to make a Sophie’s Choice!  How can I save only one of my babies?

As Sarah said, I’ll haveta get back to ya.

Here’s one of my faves:

 

murphy, on December 11th, 2008 at 2:07 pm Said:
  BB or anyone, help! where on the stupid change.gov site do you submit questions? I have a migraine from searching over at the god-forsaken place for like five whole minutes!

Is She Goldberg’s sister?
Comment by HumboldtBlue on 12/11/08 at 06:10 PM

I don’t know how you can whittle down the hilarity of the comments here. It’s impossible.

I’m with Allan, I can’t choose just one, or two, or even three dozen.

What I can do, however, is go have lunch.

Toodles.

Can we have a seperate contest for most hilarious PUMA comment this year?

I think it’s safe to say that—even with no video or location stills—this thread has already kicked ass on RD’s “The Year of EPIC FAIL” Photo Revue:

http://riverdaughter.wordpress.com/2008/12/31/new-ye ars-eve-2008-the-year-in-pictures/#comments

It must suck when ALL your best memories are disappointing, ineffective clusterfucks.

Comment by StrangeAppar8us on 12/31/08 at 04:53 PM

It’s like they’re the Detroit Lions celebrating the end of an 0-16 season, but that one play in the last game was a real doozy so let’s party like it’s 2009!

Just for this once, I am emerging from the carpet-biting mouth-foaming grand-mal hissy fit engendered by the ignoble rantings of that prednisone-addled reprob8 StrangeAppar8us, rantings which caused my luminous star-child eyes to glisten like two plastic tubs of Kraft grape jelly with hot reproachful unshed tears, to proclaim him if not my favorite of the many wicked merry wits posting here,because well, who can choose? But way, way up there.

A StrangeApp selection:

to Marindenver:
Stay frosty. Be safe. I understand some of the PUMAs may be packing hairpins and astringent wipes.

on you-know-who:
Truly, PUMAs are as numberless as the blades of grass, and as well-funded as the Bowling Team from my neighborhood bar!
Soon they will be heard, and they will change the world…God willing and the bus don’t break down.

America has a blind-date with PUMA next week…and I suspect it won’t last past the salad.

and from the immortal WTF Was That Thread after the PUMA flaming dirigible of fail that was their radio show on KPFT:

http://kpft.wordpress.com/2008/11/14/wtf-was-that/
PUMA ‘08: The Sheriff’s a Ni-
18 Nov 08 at 10:04 am
Preach on! We’ll show the truth! Our country didn’t vote for no uppity negro for President! It was all a conspiracy by Obama, the DNC, the Bushies, the Mafia, the Warren Commission, and the lizards in the center of the Earth! If we all clap our hands and believe, Hillary will kick that scary black man out of the White House! C’mon, everybody! Clap harder!

At least I think that was Strange, but his socks
are numberless as the personality disorders exhibited by the denizens of PUMA. Tracking his wild witticisms across the innertubes of time and space is more than one of my emotionally depleted state can manage, which is why I am retiring to bed with a hot water bottle and a flask of arrac. I hope he’ll have a very happy New Year contemplating the wreckage.

Comment by Mrs. Polly on 12/31/08 at 05:52 PM

If you start a PUMA QotY, you’ll need several categories including Oblivious Git:

2008 was not just economically devasting, but emotionally also. It was hard to see women’s rights and the rights of LGBTs pushed back at least 30 years.

Um, from those of us who have both studied and experienced history, from those of us who were convinced we’d see a return of Bedroom Monitor Laws and worse if McPalin won, do pour yourself a glass of Shut the Fuck up this NYE you daft McCain supporting shithead.

This makes me feel a little better:

bradmaysfilmmaker, on December 31st, 2008 at 3:44 pm Said:

simofish -

Very good footage. But please - pretty please - don’t cop the title of my film, The Audacity of Democracy.

simofish, on December 31st, 2008 at 4:10 pm Said:
brad - ok, I will have to remove the video in order to change the posting.


bradmaysfilmmaker, on December 31st, 2008 at 4:13 pm Said:
simofish -

Not necessary. All I’m asking is that you don’t do it again. I’ve spent 6 months on my film, which has been edited from just under 100 hours of footage. The film is about to be released in about two weeks and I would like to avoid confusion.

That’s all.

Two weeks. I’ll start stocking up on popcorn.

Mrs. Polly—I take back all of the serotonin-soaked things I said about you in the earlier thread! May your arrac be that which is produced in Goa, and thrice-rectified!

Just for the sake of honesty, though, the KPFT post was some other rakish bastard’s handiwork, which I only wish I could take credit for.

HTP—“Step away from my documentary title, and put your hands where I can see them.”

All—Darragh has now stepped up with her own survey of “PUMAs Anno Horribilis”:

http://pumapac.org/2008/12/31/what-a-year/

Granted, they’ve only been around since May, but WTF.

Comment by StrangeAppar8us on 12/31/08 at 06:14 PM

I hope the DVD of the Audacity of Democracy will contain all 100 hours of PUMAriffic footage.

I’m not really sure why the PUMAs are so excited about being “Time Magazine’s #8 Top Buzzword of 2008,” since they’re right between “Tweet” and “Rickrolled”...and the Time description isn’t exactly a panegyric on PUMA’s success:

An acronym for “party unity my ass,” this term was the rallying cry of Clinton supporters who backed her candidacy even after many party leaders called for consensus around Obama in order to ensure a unified Democratic front going into the general election. As Barrett of doubletongued.org points out, PUMAs hoped to bring the Clinton-Obama fight “to a head-to-head smackdown vote at the [Democratic] convention.” Instead, Clinton threw her support to Obama well before the convention. This word, which disproportionately described female voters, recalls TIME’s 2007 buzzword of the year: cougar, i.e., an older woman seeking younger men.

I guess you take what you can get.

“The number eight buzzword of the year!” said the fly as the pine resin engulfed her.

OK, there are just so many comments worthy of Comment of the Year that I’m going to be a contrarian and pick a writer who dazzled everyone with her brilliance in only two sentences.

Think back to the classic report on the PUMA Conference The Truth About PUMA Conference 08, which busted the PUMA machine and revealed it to be powered by a gerbil on a running wheel, and coincided with the unforgettable appearance by Darraccckk! (her name is pronounced like a PUMA coughing up a hairball) and Will “Party Bottom” Bower with Schuster on MSNBC.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you AnnaPUMA:

The fact of the matter is that Hillary is the only politician in years who has stood up for white people. Even McCain is in bed with the Mexicans.

Comment by AnnaPUMA on 08/15/08 at 11:36 AM

Thanks, Strange, I can wipe my nose on Mr. Polly’s sleeve and get on with life now. The arrac was causing pink elephants to dance on the counterpane anyway.

How terrific to be here on NYE with my fellow rumproasters, rejoicing in the snarkola that we have shared this past year. 

My wish for ‘09?  Delicious wit and acerbic tongues for us all.  May the bon mots drip around here.

dewberry
is it midnight yet?

Brace yourselves, the PUKEMAs are willing to give Harriett the heave ho for ...

AN UNABASHED PENIS OWNER!!

OMG! I HOPE Bill Clinton gets her seat. Can you imagine how he would stir up the Senate? And the thought of all the turncoats having to face him every day, wow! It makes me giddy just thinking about it (or is that the beer?).

The panty moistening is based on a report by the ever-reliable Drudge and a complete and total inability to understand of ... anything.

It would be such sweet karma in an orange pantsuit. And if obie tried to push Hillary around as SoS, she could quit and Bill would give her back her senate seat and the obots would go nuts.
There must be millions of Democrats besides PUMAs that want to protect Hillary besides just PUMAs.
Please, make it so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Le wow.

(Sweet karma in an orange pantsu- Oi, Strange, what are you doing?)

HTP—I was listening to PlainsRadio, where Ed Hale is THIS CLOSE to having absolute proof that Obama was born in Kenya!

Also, I was working on the first act of a stage production called “Sweet Karma in an Orange Pantsuit,” which is kind of a cross between “Bye-Bye Birdie” and “Saw III,” but with a serious environmental message.

My favorite comment from the Effluence Year in Epic Fail Pictorial?

Traister just filled out the typical old, uneducated, working class sino-peruvian lesbian meme worksheet, filed it and called it a day.

I don’t even LIKE Traister (she’s slightly better than Joan Walsh as Salon writers go, but only slightly). But I have no fricking clue what the hell “sino-peruvian” is doing in there. I sort of get that the rest of it is supposed to be complaining about PUMA, er, stereotypes. But “Sino-Peruvian?” I’ve never heard anyone say “Oh, those PUMAs! What do you expect from a bunch of menopausal idiotic Sino-Peruvians?”

Also, I was hoping that Bill and Hil were going to drop the NYE ball ON Mark Penn’s ginormous head and splatter its addled contents all over Times Square. Oh well, the year is off to a good start anyway, because it’s NOT 2008!

Hope everyone had a good night!

Saddo that I am, Kerry, I think it’s supposed to be an Effluence running in-joke originating from one of RD’s self-indulgent screeds back in May or so that she was proud enough of to give it its own tab on the Effluence:

... If you’re like me, you realized sometime in the last couple of months that you are part of the “old coalition” of the Democratic party. But you’re not cool enough to be courted by the “new coalition” because you’re working class, gay, hispanic, asian, a woman, old or a brilliant combination of an *uneducated* working class, sino-peruvian lesbian.

http://riverdaughter.wordpress.com/an-invitation-to- democrats-in-exile/

A bon mot flogged to death thereafter on various PUMA-related blogs: http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=“Sino-Peruvian” +confluence&hl=en&safe=off&filter=0

Hilarious, no?

Happy New Year, all! They’re still letting fireworks off here.

I will now go get me a life. Or a beer. Yes, beer first.

I will now go get me a life. Or a beer. Yes, beer first.

You speak as though there’s a difference.

We have to acknowledge the flaming dirigible of fail that was the KPFT Puma Listener Abuse Line, that introduced us not only to the silvery bell-like tones of jenni4hillary but Scooter’s sobriquet for her: “Icepick Voice”.

Scooter’s audio PUMA compilation, “Five Minutes of Hate from the Daughters of the Democratic Confederacy” was an instant classic:
http://www.rumproast.com/index.php/site/comments/five_m inutes_of_hate_from_the_daughters_of_the_democratic_confeder acy/

Just be sure to turn any hearing aids down, unplug small appliances, and turn portraits of ancestors to the wall before listening.

This one came in just under the wire.  From Darragh herself from the thread “Jackass.”

Oh, and for the record Bobby — NOT supporting a black man appointed to the Senate because he was named by a governor under indictment for fraud and corruption is NOT A LYNCHING.


Darragh is an expert on lynching.  She has a section enitre section devoted to “Women Lynching.”  I hadn’t realized there was an issue with women being hung.  A horrible thing.

What do you mean it’s not about lynching at all?

post of the year

Feminism doesn’t begin and end with Hillary Clinton’s vagina.

Kerry reid I believe…

happy fucking new year!

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