Wow, definitely a lot of great stuff! Given my sieve-like mind, I’ll go with the most recent one to make me howl—by Tom65:

“The funniest thing here - and perhaps the most disturbing - is that it never occurs to Joe that he’s brought playdough to a gunfight.”

KK, I’m not sure this is what you were looking for, but I feel that this post from the “Another Epic Fail” PUMA thread has an evergreen from-the-heart message for all ‘Roasters.

It always amazes me when people are threated by PUMA Pac. All that time spent posting and commenting negative things about PUMA could actually be spent doing something useful for this country.

1. Volunteer at the children’s ward of your local hospital.
2. Spend time at a senior center and hang out with the folks that don’t have any family.
3. Collect and donate items to an animal shelter.
4. Write letters to members of the military who will be spending the holidays without their families.

I can guarantee you that using your energy in a positive way will make you feel better about yourself. :)
Comment by Joanne on 11/19/08 at 12:24 AM

I can guarantee you that using your energy in a positive way will make you feel better about yourself. :)

Well, yeah, but what about the laughter, Joanne? PUMAs are much easier to make fun of than stray dogs and invalids.

This is one of my recent favs:

Stinch be not proud
A pinch not as loud
of bleech speakith I
like a trumpet of strumpets
and what rhymes with mumpetts ?

Don’t dance her
don’t plants her
come blitzen on nixon
We strap on the Dixons
Obamas not fixin

a pass like the donnor
our dinner we honor
we vomit on comet
don’t smash her
don’t dash her

Not stupid like Cupid
whom what should appear
a bobblehead dashboard thing
up from the rear

I heard it assert itself
as it grew far less near
and go out of site

with eight tiny footprints
go not quietly
into the night

say no to the cold fallen snow
Bot be not O
Comment by scooter on 12/14/08 at 04:06 PM

It is really hard to come up with just one, after all one of the reasons I liked this blog so much from the beginning was that the comments were as funny and interesting as the posts.  But Mrs. Polly’s wry deadpan humor always cracks me up.  I don’t know exactly where it was or exactly how it was phrased but she said that Darragh Murphy’s firing of the documentary producer coincided beautifully with running out of money with which to pay him.

What marindenver said. This place is like the Algonquin Round Table—and how do you choose between Dorothy Parker and Harpo?

For pure snappiness and T-shirtability, though, “Snack fairy” may be in a class by itself. I mean, it would be worth making one more Dirty Harry movie with an 80-year-old Clint Eastwood, just so he could say that after he shoots people.

I’m not sure if solicited (and later featured) poetry counts as a comment, but I’m still marveling at the beauty of the repeat couplet at the end of WearingHobosFaces’s PUMApoetry masterpiece:

insert angry kitten jpeg here
insert angry kitten jpeg here

Forget it. If I go ferretting around here for the best of the snark I’ll wind up snarfing my lungs.

Now, how do I vote AGAINST anything StrangeAppar8us has said?

HTP—Just go right ahead…whenever you think you’re MAN enough.

Pfffft!

This comment is ineligible, coming as it does from a non-‘Roaster on an Enemy Blog. However, for “time capsule” purposes, I think this thread should include an example of the ferocious and malevolent intelligence that we, as a community, have joined together to oppose:

KarenWI 12.31.08 at 2:18 pm

I saw downstairs that ValleyWitch said she’d get on her knees for cheese curds! Well, we have them all over the place here! Of course we’re right by several cheese factories here, and cheese stores. But the grocery stores are always full of fresh ones here every day! Yup… every day another batch of fresh, squeeky, cheese curds!!! Usually the cheddar curds- you won’t find the mozerella ones very often.

This is what we’re up against, folks—a calculating, remorseless evil like nothing our Republic has ever faced before. And I, for one, am proud to be down here in the trenches, shoulder-to-shoulder with a bunch of wicked, snot-launching crack-ups whose words draw blood without ever breaking the skin.

This may not count as a comment strickly speaking, since its excerpted from one of Betty’s posts, but I loved her great hoops of fire summation of the PUMAs:

Even if the rank-and-file clowns of this year’s election sideshow, the PUMAs, can’t perceive it, their leaders surely know the circus will soon fold its big tent. When your entire act consists of jumping through flaming hoops of gender, age and race-based resentment, lurid personal psychodrama and self-destructive vitriol centered around one year’s election results, well, it’s not a show with a long shelf life.

i think thats a great paragraph.

*

Kevin, you heartless monster.  You’re forcing us all to make a Sophie’s Choice!  How can I save only one of my babies?

As Sarah said, I’ll haveta get back to ya.

Here’s one of my faves:

 

murphy, on December 11th, 2008 at 2:07 pm Said:
  BB or anyone, help! where on the stupid change.gov site do you submit questions? I have a migraine from searching over at the god-forsaken place for like five whole minutes!

Is She Goldberg’s sister?
Comment by HumboldtBlue on 12/11/08 at 06:10 PM

I don’t know how you can whittle down the hilarity of the comments here. It’s impossible.

I’m with Allan, I can’t choose just one, or two, or even three dozen.

What I can do, however, is go have lunch.

Toodles.

Can we have a seperate contest for most hilarious PUMA comment this year?

I think it’s safe to say that—even with no video or location stills—this thread has already kicked ass on RD’s “The Year of EPIC FAIL” Photo Revue:

It’s like they’re the Detroit Lions celebrating the end of an 0-16 season, but that one play in the last game was a real doozy so let’s party like it’s 2009!

Just for this once, I am emerging from the carpet-biting mouth-foaming grand-mal hissy fit engendered by the ignoble rantings of that prednisone-addled reprob8 StrangeAppar8us, rantings which caused my luminous star-child eyes to glisten like two plastic tubs of Kraft grape jelly with hot reproachful unshed tears, to proclaim him if not my favorite of the many wicked merry wits posting here,because well, who can choose? But way, way up there.

A StrangeApp selection:

If you start a PUMA QotY, you’ll need several categories including Oblivious Git:

2008 was not just economically devasting, but emotionally also. It was hard to see women’s rights and the rights of LGBTs pushed back at least 30 years.

Um, from those of us who have both studied and experienced history, from those of us who were convinced we’d see a return of Bedroom Monitor Laws and worse if McPalin won, do pour yourself a glass of Shut the Fuck up this NYE you daft McCain supporting shithead.

This makes me feel a little better:

bradmaysfilmmaker, on December 31st, 2008 at 3:44 pm Said:

simofish -

Very good footage. But please - pretty please - don’t cop the title of my film, The Audacity of Democracy.

simofish, on December 31st, 2008 at 4:10 pm Said:
brad - ok, I will have to remove the video in order to change the posting.

bradmaysfilmmaker, on December 31st, 2008 at 4:13 pm Said:
simofish -

Not necessary. All I’m asking is that you don’t do it again. I’ve spent 6 months on my film, which has been edited from just under 100 hours of footage. The film is about to be released in about two weeks and I would like to avoid confusion.

That’s all.

Two weeks. I’ll start stocking up on popcorn.

Mrs. Polly—I take back all of the serotonin-soaked things I said about you in the earlier thread! May your arrac be that which is produced in Goa, and thrice-rectified!

Just for the sake of honesty, though, the KPFT post was some other rakish bastard’s handiwork, which I only wish I could take credit for.

HTP—“Step away from my documentary title, and put your hands where I can see them.”

All—Darragh has now stepped up with her own survey of “PUMAs Anno Horribilis”:

I hope the DVD of the Audacity of Democracy will contain all 100 hours of PUMAriffic footage.

I’m not really sure why the PUMAs are so excited about being “Time Magazine’s #8 Top Buzzword of 2008,” since they’re right between “Tweet” and “Rickrolled”...and the Time description isn’t exactly a panegyric on PUMA’s success:

An acronym for “party unity my ass,” this term was the rallying cry of Clinton supporters who backed her candidacy even after many party leaders called for consensus around Obama in order to ensure a unified Democratic front going into the general election. As Barrett of doubletongued.org points out, PUMAs hoped to bring the Clinton-Obama fight “to a head-to-head smackdown vote at the [Democratic] convention.” Instead, Clinton threw her support to Obama well before the convention. This word, which disproportionately described female voters, recalls TIME’s 2007 buzzword of the year: cougar, i.e., an older woman seeking younger men.

I guess you take what you can get.

“The number eight buzzword of the year!” said the fly as the pine resin engulfed her.

OK, there are just so many comments worthy of Comment of the Year that I’m going to be a contrarian and pick a writer who dazzled everyone with her brilliance in only two sentences.

Thanks, Strange, I can wipe my nose on Mr. Polly’s sleeve and get on with life now. The arrac was causing pink elephants to dance on the counterpane anyway.

How terrific to be here on NYE with my fellow rumproasters, rejoicing in the snarkola that we have shared this past year. 

My wish for ‘09?  Delicious wit and acerbic tongues for us all.  May the bon mots drip around here.

dewberry
is it midnight yet?

Brace yourselves, the PUKEMAs are willing to give Harriett the heave ho for ...

AN UNABASHED PENIS OWNER!!

OMG! I HOPE Bill Clinton gets her seat. Can you imagine how he would stir up the Senate? And the thought of all the turncoats having to face him every day, wow! It makes me giddy just thinking about it (or is that the beer?).

The panty moistening is based on a report by the ever-reliable Drudge and a complete and total inability to understand of ... anything.

It would be such sweet karma in an orange pantsuit. And if obie tried to push Hillary around as SoS, she could quit and Bill would give her back her senate seat and the obots would go nuts.
There must be millions of Democrats besides PUMAs that want to protect Hillary besides just PUMAs.
Please, make it so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Le wow.

(Sweet karma in an orange pantsu- Oi, Strange, what are you doing?)

HTP—I was listening to PlainsRadio, where Ed Hale is THIS CLOSE to having absolute proof that Obama was born in Kenya!

Also, I was working on the first act of a stage production called “Sweet Karma in an Orange Pantsuit,” which is kind of a cross between “Bye-Bye Birdie” and “Saw III,” but with a serious environmental message.

My favorite comment from the Effluence Year in Epic Fail Pictorial?

Traister just filled out the typical old, uneducated, working class sino-peruvian lesbian meme worksheet, filed it and called it a day.

I don’t even LIKE Traister (she’s slightly better than Joan Walsh as Salon writers go, but only slightly). But I have no fricking clue what the hell “sino-peruvian” is doing in there. I sort of get that the rest of it is supposed to be complaining about PUMA, er, stereotypes. But “Sino-Peruvian?” I’ve never heard anyone say “Oh, those PUMAs! What do you expect from a bunch of menopausal idiotic Sino-Peruvians?”

Also, I was hoping that Bill and Hil were going to drop the NYE ball ON Mark Penn’s ginormous head and splatter its addled contents all over Times Square. Oh well, the year is off to a good start anyway, because it’s NOT 2008!

Hope everyone had a good night!

Saddo that I am, Kerry, I think it’s supposed to be an Effluence running in-joke originating from one of RD’s self-indulgent screeds back in May or so that she was proud enough of to give it its own tab on the Effluence:

I will now go get me a life. Or a beer. Yes, beer first.

You speak as though there’s a difference.

We have to acknowledge the flaming dirigible of fail that was the KPFT Puma Listener Abuse Line, that introduced us not only to the silvery bell-like tones of jenni4hillary but Scooter’s sobriquet for her: “Icepick Voice”.

This one came in just under the wire.  From Darragh herself from the thread “Jackass.”

Oh, and for the record Bobby — NOT supporting a black man appointed to the Senate because he was named by a governor under indictment for fraud and corruption is NOT A LYNCHING.

Darragh is an expert on lynching.  She has a section enitre section devoted to “Women Lynching.”  I hadn’t realized there was an issue with women being hung.  A horrible thing.

What do you mean it’s not about lynching at all?

post of the year

Feminism doesn’t begin and end with Hillary Clinton’s vagina.

Kerry reid I believe…

happy fucking new year!