Smite My Ass: “Touchdown Jesus” Statue Destroyed by Lightning

To my fellow grieving Buckeyes, I say “Mourn him not, and let your hearts rejoice”: If there’s a Creepy Roadside Kitsch Heaven, you know they’ve got a hell of a Gift Shop.

UPDATE: Solid Rock Church has announced that it will rebuild the King of Kings statue, once it finds $700,000. Meanwhile, parishioners remain stunned and bewildered:

“I was pretty upset,” Andy Caudill says. “Seeing a big thing of our Lord and Savior gone. It’s pretty sad.”

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/15/10 at 08:30 AM • Permalink

Categories: News • Skull Hampers •

Share this post:

Here’s a YouTube video of the fire. Be sure to read the comments. (I emailed a link to the story and video earlier to Betty, before we knew you were already busy doing God’s work.)

Comment by J. on 06/15/10 at 08:54 AM

What’s up with the soundtrack at that link, J? I would’ve chosen something more like this.

Comment by Betty Cracker on 06/15/10 at 08:59 AM

Thanks, J.—And my apologies for jumping the gun on you and Betty.

Comment by StrangeAppar8us on 06/15/10 at 09:13 AM

No worries, S—the Buckeye beat is yours!

Comment by Betty Cracker on 06/15/10 at 09:25 AM

Thor was not amused.

Comment by Tom65 on 06/15/10 at 09:40 AM

Isn’t self-immolation a Hindu schtick?

Comment by justlen on 06/15/10 at 09:54 AM

Isn’t self-immolation a Hindu schtick?

That would be Big Ghee Ganesh, who went up in Banares in a holy conflagration so intense, the Ganges smelt like buttered popcorn for months.

Comment by Mrs. Polly on 06/15/10 at 10:03 AM

I live near this monstrosity (former monstrosity) and I roared with laughter when I read this today. It’s a huge joke here in the area. Big Butter Jesus, gone? Oh noes!

The best comment I have seen so far is at Gawker:

He is Resin!

Comment by donnah on 06/15/10 at 10:10 AM

Touchdown Skeletor.

Comment by justlen on 06/15/10 at 10:33 AM

Okay, new comment:

“Built by nuts, destroyed by bolts.”

hahahahaha!

Comment by donnah on 06/15/10 at 11:24 AM

@Betty, maybe you and Strange can put together a new video with the more appropriate soundtrack? :-)

@Strange, what Betty said. (Great minds think alike?)

Comment by J. on 06/15/10 at 11:48 AM

Being a born-again agnostic, I always wonder about this:

You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.

wtf?

Comment by t4toby on 06/15/10 at 12:03 PM

@t4toby—That’s in the Constitution, which was derived from the Ten Commandments.

Comment by StrangeAppar8us on 06/15/10 at 12:36 PM

Oh man, this made my day.

Also, burnt remains of vuvuzelas and World Cup paraphernalia were located at the scene.

Comment by Zandar on 06/15/10 at 01:28 PM

Have some 911 hilarity.

“Jesus is on fire!”

“nice”

Comment by justlen on 06/15/10 at 01:53 PM

“I don’t care if it rains or freezes, long as I’ve got my Big Butter Jesus sitting in the dairy shelf of my fridge!”

Comment by Oblomova on 06/15/10 at 02:07 PM

Polly FTW!

More obscure comedy, please!

Comment by StrangeAppar8us on 06/15/10 at 02:13 PM

Great comment from B-J

Don’t you see what’s going on? Lightning struck a statue of Jesus. And what’s the word for lightning in Arabic? Barack! Ergo, Obama did it as part of a nefarious Islamo-fascist plot.

Straight outta the effluence.

Comment by HumboldtBlue on 06/15/10 at 02:25 PM

And another

communion wafers…now available in BBQ flavor

Comment by HumboldtBlue on 06/15/10 at 02:30 PM

he tried to put the fire out by jumping in the pond in front of him but the whole walk on water thing fucked him over

Comment by HumboldtBlue on 06/15/10 at 02:30 PM

There’s something happening here
What it is ain’t exactly clear.

Comment by The Dark Avenger on 06/15/10 at 02:44 PM

Couldn’t have happened to a nicer group of people.

Comment by justlen on 06/15/10 at 02:54 PM

It was erected by the Solid Rock Church but the statue was made of plastic foam. That has to stand for something.

Comment by marindenver on 06/15/10 at 02:57 PM

We were sure we would be Raptured before the shoddy impermanent nature of its construction became an issue!

Comment by Allan on 06/15/10 at 03:16 PM

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with Butter, and the Word was Butter. Butter was in the beginning with Butter. All things were made through Butter, and without Butter nothing was made that was made. In Butter was life, and the life was the Butter of men. And the Butter shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.” Land O’Lakes 1:1-5

Thanks for “spreading” the word, Strange.

Comment by kre8tr on 06/15/10 at 03:28 PM

Not I, kre8tr, but he who comes after me, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie.

Comment by StrangeAppar8us on 06/15/10 at 03:31 PM

Teh tru wurd of teh Lerd

1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.

2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.

3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1

6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.7 An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.

9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in ur base, An Ceiling Cat hadz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.10 An Ceiling Cat called no waterz urth and waters oshun. Iz good.