Start peeing your paaaaaants
I finally figured out why New Yorkers are so reliably liberal. It’s not because of their education level, their cultural sophistication, or the fact that they’re constantly rubbing elbows with people from every country, creed, and background. It’s simply because, in this day and age, you have to be a grade-A chickenshit megapussy to be a conservative.* And that option simply isn’t open to New Yorkers; you either toughen up quick or run home to mommy in Tom’s River (or you could try Hoboken, though putting up with all the double-wide strollers and guys pushing 30 who still wear their letter-sweaters requires its own kind of resilience).
Right-wingers, for all their text-based defiance, couldn’t do bin Laden’s bidding fast enough. Turn our countrymen against themselves? Yes sir!
Lash out blindly against Muslims, creating enemies where there were none before? Check!
Bog down the world’s greatest fighting force in an unwinnable quagmire? Done and done!
Scrap our most deeply-held convictions regarding law and justice? HOW HIGH?!
And the sad part is, these candy-asses’ll go to their graves insisting they were the ones bravely standing up to terror even as they gave the terrorists everything on their wish list and then sent ‘em a little extra via PayPal.
Bre’r douchebags.
*I may be a little off with my diagnosis here. From Zandar’s post:
HIDE UNDER YOUR BEDS, NEW YORKERS!
Yeah, right. And where would the SpaceSavers go, pray tell? Maybe that’s why they’re so fearless—if you’re paying less than ten grand a month, there’s nowhere to hide.
That would also explain New York’s lack of closeted homosexuals too, come to think of it.
p.s. While looking up “songs about New York” on Wikipedia in hopes of coming up with a cleverer post title, I learned that the following is, in fact, a song about New York. Apparently there used to be stalactites and stalagmites (pre-Rudy, I’m guessing). Been looking for an excuse to post it, if only to remind people that Phil’s yacht-rocking (which serendipitously rhymes with not rocking) phase didn’t begin in earnest until halfway through Genesis’s eponymous 1983 album. I’m generally not a fan of his interpretations of Gabriel-era material (let us never speak of the jazzily upbeat “Supper’s Ready” again), but he sings the shit outta this.
Posted by gil mann on 11/14/09 at 05:28 PM • Permalink
Categories: New York City • Manhattan • News • Politics • Bedwetters •
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