Straight Talk Express in overdrive

Two promising developments on the McCain campaign via the Political Wire; first:

“In one of his first moves to centralize control of McCain’s political organization, Steve Schmidt has tapped Rudy Giuliani’s former campaign manager, Mike DuHaime, to be McCain’s new political director,” a top campaign adviser tells CNN.

“Until last week, McCain had no political director at headquarters—highly unusual for a general election campaign. Mccain’s campaign instead relied on 11 regional campaign managers—a structure many Republicans in and outside of the McCain campaign, including Schmidt, considered unworkable.”

So Team McCain is imposing a basic campaign structure…in July. I guess those folks who were wringing their hands about the long slog of the Democratic primary giving McCain a huge headstart were right, huh? Oh, and picking Giuliani’s former campaign manager is such genius—I mean, Giuliani’s campaign was so darn successful. Schmidt should dispatch emissaries to all Tennessee Picadilly Buffet locations to round up former Fred Thompson staffers and press them into service. Second bit of news:

Bloomberg says the prerequisites for Sen. John McCain’s running mate are clear: “a Washington outsider with solid economic credentials who isn’t associated with President George W. Bush, can fill the vice-presidential attack-dog role, help win Western and Midwestern states and cut into Democrat Barack Obama’s fundraising advantage.”

“One candidate fits the bill: former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney.”

Yes, by all means, please put Mittens on the ticket. Having a representative of a religion many evangelicals perceive to be a satanic perversion of True Christianity on the ballot will surely galvanize a base that is already iffy on McCain. Teaming up with a dude who once strapped his dog to the roof of his station wagon for a family trip will certainly inspire animal lovers nationwide to metaphorically strap themselves to the roof of the Straight Talk Express. The Five Brothers blog would inevitably be revived, inspiring comedy gold with fresh rounds of mockery. And most importantly, the Mittmentum would secure Utah’s coveted 5 electoral votes for Team McCain. Let’s get this done!

Posted by Betty Cracker on 07/07/08 at 07:16 AM • Permalink

Categories: PoliticsElection '08Giuliani is a JerkSt. McSamePolisnarkMittens

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It’s like he’s trying to lose - in which case, I hope he succeeds in his mission.

Comedy Gold Betty:

“Schmidt should dispatch emissaries to all Tennessee Picadilly Buffet locations to round up former Fred Thompson staffers and press them into service.”

For those who don’t know, they’re the one’s that make you not want to sit near the tables where the lines queue.  They’re the octegenarians that stare at you eating your food while waiting in line. (see also KS and KW cafeteria)

On the serious side, it doesn’t appear that they can do any better.  The implosion of their philosophy greatly limits their options.

Just take McCains new “radical plan to gut employer-based health coverage”

long story short…it sucks!

the suckery is neverending in their world…

it’s like a quicksand this out of touchness!  The more they fight their out of touch platform the more they sink into it.

Comment by Manamongst Hussein on 07/07/08 at 10:04 AM

LOL, Manamongst, great description of the buffet line. They do peer at your food in a most unseemly manner if you’re unlucky enough to be seated near the line. When I take my almost 90-year-old grandma out to lunch, that’s where she wants to go. She has a thing about having to see the food before ordering it.

Man, this means we get Tagg, and umm, the other guy, and that other brother from another mother, and then there’s umm, Todd, and errr ... Biff. yeah, that’s it. Bring back to the Winnebago, load up the dogs boys, we’re-agoin’-campaignin’!

KJ-lo just had and orgasm.

This is what McCain needs, Mitt’s wide, strong shoulders. Because McCain has fucked up shoulders and can’t bear the burden of responsibility needed to usher the Republican party to new heights, so they bring in Brylcreem Mitt, his boys to help move the heavy stuff and a bunch of women dressed like they’re straight from the set of LHOTP and it’s a win-win baby!

Pennsylvania 16-hundred. Pennsylvania one-six-oh-oh-oh

Hell, Fred’s MeeMaw probably hasn’t went to the cafeteria since they let us coloreds eat outside the back kitchen.  Now they let her stay in the parlor at the Big House writing rebuttals for the McCain truth squad.  They pay her in sweaty corner grocery Hoop Cheese!

Romney adds a net nothing to the ticket; his negatives at least approximate the positives.

McCain NEEDS Alaska Gov Sarah Palin (if he wants to win in November) — whose positives are too numerous to mention here (with no negatives).

– and don’t cite Palin’s lack of experience, since she’s got 10 times that of Obama!!!

McCain NEEDS Alaska Gov Sarah Palin (if he wants to win in November) — whose positives are too numerous to mention here (with no negatives).

I think polar bears might take issue with that statement.

If McCain needs a Palin it aint Sara, it’s Michael. Then at least we could laugh at McCain and not feel a tinge of guilt that we’re actually laughing at a man who was fucked so hard by Bush he won’t be able to sit for a year.

Bush fucked him 2000 and then left him unmitigated disaster when he was finally able to fend off the Sleeping Giant, a crazy cross-dressing serial adulterer, a guy who thinks Jesus had dinosaur pets and some creepy fucking Mormon.

If Mittens was any damned good at all, he’d be the GOP nominee. By all means, McSame, pick someone so crappy even you were able to beat him.

Now, if J. Sidney McCain III wants to pick somebody who ran a shitty primary campaign, and can play the outsider/attack dog role, he shouldn’t pick Mittens. He should pick….



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