Move over Spidey, there’s another superhero on the block! Having lurked under a secret identity among us since he landed from the planet Kolob and was adopted by his Earth parents (take that, birfers!), he’s just unmasked himself as The Smirking Wimp—SuperMitt!
SuperMitt! fell into a quantum anomaly as a child and was bitten on the ass by a temporal paradox! Since then, SuperMitt! has discovered that he has mastery over the very fabric of time and space and other stuff!
Not only can he see the future
but he can warp causality and create new hypothetical universes with a click of his booties! All he has do is shout “IF ...,” and the whole space-time continuum subMitts to his will and reshuffles itself!
Advisers to Mitt Romney on Thursday defended his sharp criticism of President Obama and said that the deadly protests sweeping the Middle East would not have happened if the Republican nominee were president.
Oh, and he has a sidekick, +1, but he doesn’t really do anything except tag along and look purty!
Further superpowers will no doubt come to light as we learn that THERE’S SIMPLY NOTHING SuperMitt! CAN’T DO! I’ve probably missed some already, so help me out here!
It seems I’m behind the times here! Folks are already busy identifying SuperMitt!‘s superpowers at #Romneystrength!