Tabloid Bombshells! JonBenet’s 20th Birthday *PLUS* Ol’ Blue-Eyes’ Grandson Attempts Suicide

Dude, I can’t believe the shit I miss when I skip a trip to Foodland.

Can it be 15 years since JonBenet was murdered? And how many more victims will the Sinatra Curse claim?

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 08/13/10 at 11:01 AM • Permalink

Categories: News • Politics • Our Stupid Media •

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I’m putting money on Obama killing JonBenet, trying to kill Sinatra’s grandson, and knocking up Chelsea. And Bat Boy.

Comment by Scott on 08/13/10 at 12:14 PM

Seriously?  The Globe has just now heard about Orly and her 185 SSN’s that Obama’s using?  They need to stay on top of the news better!

Comment by marindenver on 08/13/10 at 12:38 PM

And how many more victims will the Sinatra Curse claim?

With any luck, it will last at least until Joe Piscopo gets devoured by a wild boar.

Comment by Oblomova on 08/13/10 at 12:47 PM

The Globe has just now heard about Orly and her 185 SSN’s that Obama’s using?

Oh, fuck—that’s on there, too! Good eye!

Comment by StrangeAppar8us on 08/13/10 at 12:48 PM

JonBenet sure doesn’t look 20.

Comment by kre8tr on 08/13/10 at 12:49 PM

I have trouble remembering the appropriate birthday gift for a fifteen-years-dead exploited child.  Is it paper or glass?

Comment by Allan on 08/13/10 at 01:01 PM

So Chelsea had a shotgun wedding? You can take the girl out of Arkansas…

Comment by Tom65 on 08/13/10 at 02:32 PM

Don’t you remember how her ivory dress created a disturbance by screaming “Whore!” in the middle of the wedding ceremony?

Comment by Allan on 08/13/10 at 03:34 PM

JonBenet sure doesn’t look 20.

No way to know for sure, but I bet I’d find that funny even if I weren’t a horrible person.

Comment by gil mann on 08/13/10 at 04:27 PM

Actually, the creepiest thing about the JonBenet line is that she’ll forever look 20, even though she was what ... five?

Comment by HumboldtBlue on 08/13/10 at 04:36 PM

Clearly, Obama will fall prey to the Sinatra curse in 2012.

Comment by Christian von Schack on 08/14/10 at 06:03 AM

Clearly, Obama will fall prey to the Sinatra curse in 2012.

You mean he’ll have to sing a duet with Bono at his Second Inauguration?

DAMN YOU, EVA GARDNER!!!!!

Comment by StrangeAppar8us on 08/14/10 at 08:13 AM

Hildy Mezvinsky 2048! Autoharps to the ready:

~~~~~Let’s hear it for Hildy
Hildy in the Hoooouusse~~~~

Comment by Mrs. Polly on 08/14/10 at 10:06 AM
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