The Fever Swamp’s Not So Deep Anymore

The news that Rand Paul got a gig with Breitbart’s organization after the Moony Times cast him loose because of repeated instances of plagiarism made me nostalgic for some of the hilarious conspiracy-theorizing that the right-wing engaged in when Carroll O’Connor’s evil doppelgänger kicked the bucket.  The sheer lunacy of those paranoid comments inspired me to check out Free Republic, one of the worst fever-swamps of the American right.

I was a bit taken aback when I checked out the site, which often featured thousand-post comment threads.  The most recent threads didn’t break double digits, and many of them had less than ten comments.  Apparently, the moderators at the site conduct purges (recounted more fully at this right-wing site).  The purging of insufficiently right-wing members of the commentariat was common enough so that the community had it’s own term for a banning.  A look at the site’s web traffic revealed a precipitous drop in late 2012 (I wonder why?) and in early 2013… it seems to be clawing its way back up to a decent traffic level, but the spirit of the community seems to be diminished.

Happily, I found the site Freeper Madness, so I don’t have to actually check out Free Republic to get a dose of right-wing lunacy.  Yeah, I can give my traffic to a great site, not one of the worst sites out there.  For added bonus content, I’m including some Freeper comments which perfectly illustrate the combination of paranoia and narcissism that infects even rank-and-file right wingers.  Beneath the fold, there’s comedy gold…

Bonus Content: Heart Attack Equals Dart Attack

In the course of putting this post together, I found a thing of genuine beauty… there is a Freeper named “Butterdezillion” who is obsessed with the idea that poison “heart attack” darts will be commonly used to assassinate Obama’s enemies.  This stuff is positively surreal:

Target: Joe Arpaio:

They wouldn’t want to make it look TOO “natural” because then it wouldn’t have the intimidation effect. A heart attack dart doesn’t convert into the right amount of scare if it’s on somebody who would be expected to have a heart attack. It only works on people like Breitbart, Stephanie Tubbs, Kam Kuwata, etc.

Target: Andrew Breitbart:

There’s a potassium chloride dart that can cause a heart attack within seconds, leaving nothing detectable in an autopsy so the only evidence left behind is a small red entry hole that’s sort of like a bug bite, which is what the victim would think had happened (in those last few seconds of life).

From what was in the autopsy report for Breitbart, the coroner did not check for an entry hole like that.

It gets even better, as she theorizes about the nature of these poison darts:

The dart is made of a substance that melts when it penetrates the skin.

What do you know about potassium chloride?

As an editorial note, this was a plot feature in a Get Smart episode, sorry about the spoiler.

She goes on about Breitbart’s death by dart:

Presumably you would use the same epistemology for the Breitbart death - wouldn’t rule out a Soros-related assassination just as I wouldn’t assume it had to be a Soros-related assassination. The evidence would be the deciding factor, and following all the evidence.

A critical piece of evidence would be whether there was or wasn’t a small round hole where a dart could have entered the body. Why do you think the coroner said nothing about checking for that potential piece of evidence? If he had, that could have potentially been ruled out as a means of death. That would have been very useful to both of us, no?

And on:

Lying requires a complicit coroner, even before he knew he needed to be complicit. And that’s often what ruins a “perfect crime”. It’s the same thing that ruined Obama’s documentation crimes.

You (or somebody, can’t remember who) talked about it being useless to do anything if a murder can be passed off as a heart attack or something else. But there are give-aways besides the autopsy. Without having even checked the body for the only evidence of an assassination, the coroner can say it was a natural death but the question is really still wide open - unless and until the coroner knows that there was no dart entry hole. There are other deaths that are STILL up in the air because nobody would allow the body to be examined for the telltale evidence.

On another thread:

I wonder if his tweets, calls, or other communications would show what he was doing.

Somebody asked who called 911. That could also be interesting. Somebody close enough to see that he fell down would also be close enough to shoot him with a poison dart, and they’d want a witness to what happened so the cops wouldn’t be called in as if there was foul play…

It gets even better:

I wonder how thick cloth has to be to repel those darts. Anybody know? Seems like somebody would have to know where you were at, maybe follow you with a cooler to keep the poison frozen until you were outside and in range. I wonder what the range is.

I wonder if the cancer-causing stuff has to be frozen, and if one injection does the job. I also wonder if there’s a particular form of cancer that they favor. Probably something that is typically fast-acting and has no obvious presenting symptoms that would clue the person in to get tested and treated. Something like ovarian cancer, for women. What’s similar for men?

Also makes me wonder if the same technology could be used to get a manufactured bio-warfare germ into the public - make it look like it came from a mosquito maybe…

Butterdezillion is the star of her very own political thriller:

I am a person Obama could potentially want dead. I am working with the Cold Case Posse.

Anytime I go to the doctor Obama’s regime can see what the doctor finds out about me. If they wanted to assassinate me they could match the medical assassination so that it fits my records perfectly. They know my family history, know what tests I’ve had done, etc. They know what I’m afraid of getting. They are able to make me get it. Nobody would ever know.

Don’t ask for whom the dart… uhhh… darts… it darts for thee:

The Breitbart death indicated to me that they know they have to have plausible deniability. They have to attack people medically. Makes it real handy that they are setting up a national database of medical records that are to be accessible to the bureaucrats in government. They can see whether I have a history of heart disease. I don’t - in fact, I was tested multiple times and have been told my heart is healthy as a horse - so they can’t use a heart attack dart on me. They’d have to use something slower-acting for me…

Wow, this trip down the Freeper rabbit hole sure has been entertaining, Andrew Breitbart is still dead, and I am grateful to have found Butterdezillion’s “poison dart” comments, which are pure comedy gold.  I wonder if William Gibson can sue for plagiarism (though “Butter” didn’t actually type out “They said she cooked her own cancers for people who crossed her, rococo custom variations that took years to kill you.”).  Of course, the plagiarism issue brings us full circle to Rand Paul, who, in spite of his thieving ways, got a gig with Big Dead Breitbart.  Hopefully, that thing on his head is thick enough to repel poison darts.

Cross posted at my eponymous blog.

Posted by Big Bad Bald Bastard on 11/10/13 at 06:23 AM • Permalink

Categories: PoliticsBedwettersNuttersPolisnark

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O.M.G.  I just can’t, uh, I mean whut, I mean is this person just crazy?? (OK, rhetorical question, of course she is.)

But I love that it fits in with the paranoid conspiracy theories after Breibart’s death which OF COURSE was a lieberal plot to get rid of the truth teller but couldn’t figure out JUST HOW Obama managed to do it.  It was the poison dart, duh!!!

A critical piece of evidence would be whether there was or wasn’t a small round hole where a dart could have entered the body.

Flaw, I see a flaw!  Wouldn’t a really critical piece of evidence be if there was an ACTUAL DART in that small round hole?  OH, got it.  The dart melts.  Of course it does.

Seems like somebody would have to know where you were at, maybe follow you with a cooler to keep the poison frozen until you were outside and in range.

If followed by a person with a cooler just panic.

Presumably you would use the same epistemology for the Breitbart death - wouldn’t rule out a Soros-related assassination just as I wouldn’t assume it had to be a Soros-related assassination. The evidence would be the deciding factor, and following all the evidence.

She wouldn’t assume it had to be a Soros-related assassination—quite rational!

It has long been my contention that the right wing has what I would call an exceptional economy of crackpots. Whereas we might look at a cracked pot and determine it has no functionality, they retain their crackpots, be they ever so porous, because they are exceptionally decorative. It’s thrift, in a way. A nut that has so lost the threading that screws come loose may be repurposed into jevelry. A tassel so far off the fringe that it is no longer on the same cushion may turn up as an ornament elsewhere.

She also has to assume that Breitbart wasn’t a heart attack waiting to happen, and that’s a bigger stretch even than melting assassination darts.

+ oh yes I assume the term “zot” was ripped off from the comic strip “B.C.,” whose author coined it as the sound effect for a lightning strike.

B.C. was a fun little comic in its early days but Johnny Hart, who drew it, went crazy somewhere along the line and it turned into a daily fundie whackjob Chick tract. Must have been all that drawing humans and dinosaurs alongside one another. Easy enough to imagine Free Republic folks being into that kind of fare.

Butterdezillion’s big claim to fame is being able to read.between.the.lines.  Seriously.  She took several speeches and articles and through magical thought processes could demonstrate that the person speaking or writing actually meant the exact opposite of what they said or wrote.

Of course, this usually took the form of Obama CONFESSING he’s a Kenyan imposter.  Funny that, it’s never something like “You got me, I really like strawberry ice cream even though I claimed chocolate.”

Butterdezillion certainly seems to have the Goldbergian “bleg for info because I’m too lazy to do it myself” thing down cold.  Not that lacking hard info/evidence has any impact on her prodigious speculation efforts…

Butterdezillion’s big claim to fame is being able to read.between.the.lines.

Actually, that would be the work of one Andrew G. Hodges, forensic profiler and grade-A crank. Hodges is the pioneer of “thoughtprinting,” by which he claims to be able to deduce any person’s real thoughts by reading between the lines of a speech. He earned some fame in the 90’s when he used his techinque to “prove” that JonBenet Ramsey was killed by her mother, which we now know to be impossible. If you want to know how big a crank this guy is, he still lists the completely debunked Ramsey “confession” among his accomplishments on his site.

Anyway, after languishing in obscurity for a decade Hodges found a new audience on the fringe right when he started claiming that the President was subconsciously admitting to everything from vote fixing to forging her birth certificate in his speeches. WorldNetDaily loves the guy.

Also, I just discovered that in the 80’s, he wrote a book in which he claimed to have used this technique on the Bible to “interview” Christ. Suddenly, I’m reminded of something Twain said about truth being stranger than fiction because fiction is bound by what’s realistic.

Lord, the cray cray….

The thing about cretins like Buteerbutt is they never ever think through their piles of crap.

Her current theory is that Potassium Chloride was used in a “heart attack gun” leaving some microscopic mark where the “needle” went in.

And isn’t that what a potassium chloride dart would cause?

If so everything is as would be expected if it was a heart attack dart. The only way to know whether this was caused artificially rather than naturally is by seeing whether there was a small red spot where a dart went into his body.

So, lets look at the actual numbers shall we…..?

KCl, intravenous lethal dose 35 mg/Kg ( ... 3277900620)
Breitbart weight at death 251 pound or 114 Kg
So, minima lethal dose…....114*35 = 3990 mg = 3.99g lets call it 4g for sake of argument

Right, we have the mimimum weight, so, how BIG is that amount of KCl…?

Density of KCl is 1.984 g/cubic cm = 2.02 cubic cm (

So, to off the ebil sack of poo we have to dump a mimimum of 2 cubic cents of stuff into his blood stream, we will for the sake of argument ignore HOW we dump all of it directly into his bloodstream without any apparent marks as if it hit muscle or fat etc he will take a long period of time to shuffle of this mortal coil.

Right we have some magical way of shooting the chemical into his bloodstream, leaving at most a “small red mark”.....

So that means a hole no more than 1 mm in diameter or else it won’t be a “small red mark” but a honking great tear. To be “shot” from the “heart attack gun”
with any possibility of penetrating it will have to be a cylinder or a cone in shape with the base no more than 1 mm in diameter. ... volume.php

Well here’s a bit of a problem…..if we have a diameter of 1 mm and a volume of 2000 cubic mm then the cylinder is 20 cm long , just short of 8 inches long

It’s even worse with the cone, a cone with a base of 1mm dia would have to be 76 cm or 30 inches long.

Maybe ButterButt needs to revist her theory

Comment by bovril on 11/11/13 at 05:39 AM

Ace analysis, bovril!

If anyone wants a select daily dose of Free Republic without fouling their wellies or giving Jimbob clicks, this Twitter feed cherrypicks morsels so nobody else has to:

bovril, you ebil obot you, you KNOW mathematics has a liberal bias; they won’t have you flouting that round no Freepers now, y’hear??

Nellie’s theories about President Obama’s nativity and birth certificate are even more convoluted and hilarious. And lapped up by her fans at FreeRepublic. According to her, every acknowledgment by Hawaii authorities that President Obama was born there or that his birth certificate is valid and accurately displayed on the White House site is actually an indirect confirmation of the opposite.

Nellie’s confabulations are the product of fevered mind unchained from reality and fueled only by her fear and hatred of people who do not hew to her ultra rightwing thinking.

In other words, she is a perfect poster at FreeRepublic.

And at FreeRepublic, they so, so want to believe, and no fancy math skills are going to get in the way of that, dammit!

Oh our friend BitterDelusional is quite equal opportunity you know, EVERYTHING is Obama’s fault and it’s ALL a plot to kill off “Right Thinking Constitutionalists”

We have everything from

1.  Obama tried to kill her by having all the electrical wiring in her pile o cack car fail. Defeated by how all this exactly the same age wiring failure stopped her car actually doing anything.

2.  Chemtrails and Drones anyone..? Oh yes, Obama is out to get her and the RWNJ’s by seeding the air over her home with chemically disbursed poison, which has the major problem of a. not killing her and b. smelling and tasting bad, so she can avoid it…..

3.  Then there is Sauron…..No seriously, BZ believe she is in fact a doughty hobbit, that Sauron is in fact real and is housed in the wrinkled flesh of George Soros. He, along with the Islamic, Nazi, Socialist, Moslem, NWO, Jooooooish banksters etc are all out to destroy her and the Shire. I jest not, she says so, about once a week…..

Ah old BZ, an evil minded, vicious, racist and vindictive cow who would cheerfully dance of the graves of all LIEBERALS and fantasises of a day when the pogrom and purges will come for all who think and believe differently to her.


And did we mention that Nellie (for such is her IRL name)is a pastors wife. ‘Tis true, and plainly she has a real problem with the whole not bearing false witness thing. Never mind the whole Good Christian ethos, not wishing evil on others, turning of cheek, mote/beam/eye stuff etc.

utterNutter is cleary a dick tracy fan: racyHotelMurders_015.gif

Mythbusters say Ahem.

Comment by smut clyde on 11/11/13 at 04:16 PM

Your URL appears to be a bit mangled. I believe this is what you wanted?

I see. The parser is stripping out the parentheses. Well, copy/paste, because clicking it won’t work:

So Team Obama can kill all these high-profile people, but UtterNutter is still stumbling around the planet?  Got it.

@ thomas brown:

rockitz (remarking on similar nutter) has it all figured out.

The part that bothered me about this was that she seemed to be telling the host about other conspiracy theories, which seems to indicate that she is a conspiracy theorist herself. That diminishes her believability index and relegates her to the potential nutter category, which is probably why she’s still living.

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