The GOP has had it with these mofo regulations on mofo snake commerce

We all knew the Republicans would bring some fresh ideas to the task of jobs creation, and they haven’t disappointed. Their proposals fall into two categories: cutting taxes and slashing regulations. Pursuant to the latter, there’s this:

GOP members of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee today called attention to a proposed regulation that would restrict the transportation and importation of nine types of snakes, including the Burmese Python.

In a new report entitled “Broken Government: How the Administrative State has Broken President Obama’s Promise of Regulatory Reform,” GOP members cited the proposed snake ban as one of seven examples of red tape choking off job growth in an already ailing economy.

[snip]

In the on-going battle over the dismal state of the jobs market, Republicans argue that a “regulatory tsunami” from the Obama administration is choking off jobs growth. Committee members say the free market should handle the giant pythons and that government tampering would “devastate a small but thriving sector of the economy.”

A rather serpentine report that fairly hisses with barely contained venom, the “Broken Government: How the Broken Administrative State Has Broken the Broken President’s Broken Promise of Motherfucking Snake Regulatory Reform”  document urges lawmakers to stand aside and allow private enterprise to bare the fangs of American exceptionalism with an adder in every pot. Or something.

Good Christ, these motherfucking people are motherfucking dumb. 

PS: One reason new regulations have been proposed to restrict snake commerce is that there approximately 100,000 pythons roaming the Everglades, dumped there by irresponsible pet owners. TPM again:

One python grew so big that it managed to devour a six-foot alligator before exploding. No really. This actually happened. There’s a photo.

A less ambitious python killed a Florida couple’s child. Perhaps the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee could put on some hip-waders and see how they do in the ‘Glades. Armed with “private enterprise,” of course.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 09/15/11 at 02:02 PM • Permalink

Categories: CrittersPoliticsNuttersYouTubidity

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You know. I like snakes. I think they’re pretty groovy. Of course, I don’t live in a state where pet Burmese pythons are living very large because dumbass owners finally realized a really big snake is not a dick substitute and it can strangle your ass*.

But I also know that mine is an unusual stance re: Snakes. If GOPeratives really think “Waah! Obama won’t let more people bring more snakes, especially ones that get big enough to take out a person, into the country!” is a winning strategy, I’ll take it as proof that SpoofMeister DougJ has inflitrated the Republican Party.

*Um. People living in or planning to travel to Florida should perhaps not follow the link.

“One could say this regulation is strangling the exotic pet trade the same way that exotic pet strangled that child.”

The above is merely a suggestion to any rethug ad agency given the job of catapulting that particular piece of propaganda.

This is really a two-pronged (or fanged, if you will) solution.  They get the government out of the historically over-regulated GIANT KILLER SNAKE trade, and then the snakes take care of all those Social Security gettin’ bums down in Florida.  Done and done.

And also, since the released snakes seem to be feasting on some of Florida’s endangered animals, they can just go ahead and dismantle the EPA once the snakes take care of every animal on the list.

When people ask me why I think nuclear power is a bad idea, this is what I can point to.  Perhaps in theory it could be safe, but only with proper regulations and oversight. Half of the country votes for crazy people who think any regulation of any sort (drunk driving is a right!) is evil.

When do the snakes get on the planes?

Wait, there are pythons in the Everglades massive enough to devour Rick Scott and you’re seeing this as a problem?

Every snake crisis presents a snake opportunity, people.

People choose to live in Florida - why should the government control 20-foot man-eating Burmese Pythons?

/Paultard

I like the way you think, Mr. Bérubé.

You’ll get my python when you pry it off of my cold, dead neck.

Regulations demonstrably destroy jobs: when stupid shit is made illegal, that destroys economic opportunities for stupid-shit-cleaner-uppers and personal injury lawyers. 

If hand grenades were legal, inevitably some people would think it hilarious to throw them down their toilets, creating work for let’s say Joe the Plumber.  Now, liberals hate Joe the Plumber more than anything else, so of course you can’t own hand grenades.

You know the old lady who swallowed the spider to catch the fly, etc etc?  That little old lady grew up to be… Ayn Rand.

Wait, there are pythons in the Everglades massive enough to devour Rick Scott and you’re seeing this as a problem?

Great idea , but it wouldn’t work. There are some things so nasty that even a starving snake won’t eat it.

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