The GOP’s Critical Race Theory

The 2012 presidential election promises to be a critical race, and the Republicans are developing a radical theory about it: “Winning’s for Losers!” Here, let James Poulos, author of the groundbreaking intellectual treatise “On Things that Bleed for Five Days but Do Not Die and Attendant Trust Issues,” walk you through it.

What helps Obama return to office, however, will likely hurt him badly when he gets there.

Oh how deliciously devious. (rubbing hands together) Will he utterly demolish our nominee in November, thereby falling right into our trap?

Republicans should ease off the neurotic dread in favor of whatever psychological state accompanies a gentleman’s dare. Okay, Mr. President, they ought to say. You want to lead? You delight in applying the power of your office. You want the executive branch more efficiently forceful than ever. Here. Give it your best shot. We’ll see if you’re up to the task, won’t we? Are you ready to take that bet?

So that’s the strategy: getting their asses kicked and then acting like that was the plan all along. It’s an interesting gambit—I’m not a big sports guy but I was under the impression that trash-talk is usually employed when the outcome’s in doubt, not when defeat is all but assured.

Call it the “Bring it on” approach to Election 2012

Actually, I’‘m gonna go with the “We Got Nothing” approach, the “Just Wait ‘Til Next Cycle” approach, or the “We Couldn’t Fail Harder on the Failingest Day of Our Lives if We Had an Electrified Failing Machine” approach. But hey, if Luntzing it up makes you feel any better, go for it.

I’ll tell ya, I can’t really blame these guys for whistling past the graveyard, but playing the circus theme on kazoo lacks a certain dignity.

image
We’re not dried-up and wrinkly, we’re sour!

Please note: Usually I’d be loath to reference something as dated as the California Raisins ad campaign, but Poulos made a “Where’s the Beef?” joke in the linked post, so I plead extenu-80s circumstances.

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 03/12/12 at 08:32 AM • Permalink

Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaEditorialsElection '12

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“May you live in interesting times,” goes the old Chinese curse.

When there’s a fail in the very first sentence, it doesn’t encourage one to read on. Kudos that you did, gil.

Wikipedia:

No known user of the English phrase has supplied the purported Chinese language original, and the Chinese language origin of the phrase, if it exists, has not been found, making its authenticity, at least in its present form, very doubtful.

See also here and here and a bunch of other places. (I just quoted the Wikipedia extract because I’d love the Caller‘s Poulosites (not that he’s finding much love in the comments over there) to slug it out in an edit war for my entertainment.)

I skipped to the end and saw a whole lot of talk of “mojo.” Well, I saw the word “mojo” surrounded by some pisspoor writing. Then somewhere in the middle I saw this:

Today, Obama’s re-election seems to augur a tidal wave of defeat for Republicans. Instead, it should put the president’s high-water mark behind them, buying the time they desperately need to recuperate and reconfigure their brand.

OK, I take it back. He’s not that bad a writer. That last phrase is as if P.G. Wodehouse set out to summarize the Third World War in six words.

Poulos made a “Where’s the Beef?” joke in the linked post, so I plead extenu-80s circumstances.

First of all, extenu-80s is extremely clever, so (applause)

But those Wendy’s bastards have made a recent attempt to revive that annoying campaign, so Poulos *may* not be as much of a throwback as it seems. (FWIW I reckon he probably is, tho.)

Comment by Xecky Gilchrist on 03/12/12 at 10:09 AM

We’ll kick him out in 2016!  Muahahaha! What?

You delight in applying the power of your office.

But your argument is invalid and all your base are belong to us, Mister Bond!

So this is the ol’ reverse-Nietzschean - that which does not defeat us makes us weaker?

If the Democratic Party didn’t exist, the Republicans would quickly flush their “brand” down the toilet unaided.

OTOH, if the Republican Party didn’t exist, the Democrats would still end up in deadlock on every piece of major legislation.

Okay, Mr. President, they ought to say. You want to lead? You delight in applying the power of your office. You want the executive branch more efficiently forceful than ever. Here. Give it your best shot. We’ll see if you’re up to the task, won’t we? Are you ready to take that bet?

This sounds more like the “I’m going to stab myself in the belly” school of fencing.  The funny thing is, if the GOP gets out of the way, and the Kenyan Usurper is actually able to pass mild reforms, it’ll mean the death of the party for generations.

so I plead extenu-80s circumstances.

Wordsmith, forge me a funny!

No known user of the English phrase has supplied the purported Chinese language original, and the Chinese language origin of the phrase, if it exists, has not been found, making its authenticity, at least in its present form, very doubtful.

Whoa, what’s next, you’re gonna tell us that Calgon was not used by Ming Dynasty launderers?

Whoa, what’s next, you’re gonna tell us that Calgon was not used by Ming Dynasty launderers?

I only know all that is because I wanted to use the formulation in a post way back, and hedged accordingly once I checked on its provenance.

One plausible theory I’ve read is that it originated in a Star Trek episode. /geek

Then again, I’m no James Poulos, and he obviously brings in the big bucks.

The real Poulosism in today’s column—its Potemkin skirts, if you will—is this special Republican physics:

Inertia — the tendency of an object to resist any change in its motion — is the momentum of incumbency, and inertia favors the president right now, on the economy, on foreign policy, even on the deficit.

Also, centrifugal force is conservative gravity—I learned that one from David Brooks.

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