The most Randian Thanksgiving essay ever

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NRO provided a megaphone to a variety of wingnut thunkers and politicians over the long weekend to express the items for which they’re grateful on Thanksgiving Day. Featured essayists included Boehner, Palin, Victor Davis Octavius Aurelius Hanson, et al.

Most went for the low-hanging fruit, giving thanks for Jeebus, soldiers, the US Constitution, American Exceptionalism, etc. But the Manhattan Institute’s Heather Mac Donald had an interesting take:

I am grateful for businessmen, those busy strivers who, in order to bring a product or service into existence, have the guts to risk humiliating rejection by consumers or crushing failure in the intricate world of supply chains.

Behind every screw, filament, and fiber that composes the dizzying luxury of the modern world lies some unknown entrepreneur who actually managed to persuade potentially fractious, lazy employees to work together for a common goal. Profit is the least that businessmen deserve; they deserve gratitude — and not preening contempt from grandstanding politicians and establishment bohemians.

Mac Donald bills herself as a “non-practicing lawyer” and “political commentator.” Odds are she’s never had a real job and is blissfully unaware that most screws, filaments and fibers these days are made by Chinese communists.

PS: Ms. Mac Donald admonishes you feckless, hungover drones who are reading this blog at work to get back to making widgets or whatever instead of taking heartless advantage of your boss’s internet access and good will. (Those of you who can still find work in the Masters of the Universe-wrecked economy, that is.)

Posted by Betty Cracker on 11/29/10 at 09:58 AM • Permalink

Categories: PoliticsBedwettersNuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

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PS: Ms. Mac Donald admonishes you feckless, hungover drones who are reading this blog at work to get back to making widgets or whatever instead of taking heartless advantage of your boss’s internet access and good will.

Not Randian enough, Heather!  If employers choose to monitor every employee’s keystrokes— or choose not to—that’s their Ayn-given right as capitalists.  It’s their decision, based on their interpretation of which approach (pissing off every office drone vs. enforcing totalitarian control) will maximize their profits.

Bad Heather!  Report for reeducation immediately!

Jeepers. I think if I was a conservative, the constant torrent of mindless drivel that issues forth from conservative “thinkers” would drive me to switch sides or jump off a cliff.

“Establishment bohemians,” oh my God.  Like Brooklyn hipsters have organized a nationwide ironic kickball league that also publicly assails Goldman Sachs executives with productivity-crushing PR invective.

And yet I suspect a good deal of this woman’s time involves standing at the Customer Service counter, yelling about the crappy quality of the product she purchased and now wants to return. Where’s the respect?!

entrepreneur who actually managed to persuade potentially fractious, lazy employees to work together for a common goal.

Yes, of course. The proles must be flogged into submission before they will grudgingly agree not to sabotage your shit.

who actually managed to persuade potentially fractious, lazy employees to work together for a common goal.

What a colossal bag of dead toads, she is!

Profit is the least that businessmen deserve; they deserve gratitude

oh thank you Mr. Businessman for providing me with the opportunity to make you even wealthier! And did I say thanks yet for shipping so many manufacturing jobs out of the country?
“In 2005, the average CEO in the United States earned 262 times the pay of the average worker, the second-highest level of this ratio in the 40 years for which there are data. In 2005, a CEO earned more in one workday (there are 260 in a year) than an average worker earned in 52 weeks.”—Lawrence Mishal

The proles must be flogged into submission before they will grudgingly agree not to sabotage your shit.

Well, if you’re a prole.  Contra Heather, I ripped my unlimited personal internet privileges from my acquiescent managers by the power of my high-value, high-volume productivity, and the looming threat that I’d go Galt all over their faces if I couldn’t cruise my blogs between tasks.

Apparently, that possibility never occurred to Heather.  WHERE’S MY FUCKING THANK YOU NOTE, HEATHER?!  I’m a special snowflake of undeniable value.  Don’t make me stop administering your databases.

crushing failure in the intricate world of supply chains.

Somebody has been watching FedEx commercials!

My experiences starting a small business are:

1) Healthcare is really really expensive to provide to your workers and can go up in price unexpectedly.
2) Big businesses get huge advantages over small ones, a lot of it under the heading of being “pro-business”. 
3) It is hard to hire people who aren’t total morons, because the educational system in this country sucks.

I get really fucking tired of people who are Randian supermen only in their own mind—people who work for an enterprise that as far as I know has never made money!—telling us unwashed masses what capitalism is *really* all about.

There are 8 year olds with lemonade stands who know more about the subject than she does.

I get really fucking tired of people who are Randian supermen only in their own mind—people who work for an enterprise that as far as I know has never made money!

That’s correct—the National Review has been running at a loss since its inception and keeps afloat by begging for money.  It’s lost millions over the years.

No wonder Heather is in awe of businessmen who succeed in turning a profit, given the dismal track record of her employer.

And if her only experience of “fractious, lazy employees” is based on her NRO colleagues—Jonah, K-Lo and the Derb—then of course she thinks that the average employer deserves a medal.

Oh, them Randroids.  They ALWAYS parody themselves.

It just occurred to me that the people they worship aren’t “businessmen” or “entrepreneurs” at all. They’re inventors.  Atlas Shrugged isn’t about capitalism.  It’s about basement tinkerers and subscribers to Popular Mechanics, all set in a third-rate science fiction world which L. Ron Hubbard would have been ashamed to have created.

Betty Cracker, that one’s a doozy, but check this one out:

http://www.csmonitor.com/Commentary/Opinion/2009/112 5/p09s01-coop.html

Ms. Mac Donald admonishes you feckless, hungover drones who are reading this blog at work to get back to making widgets or whatever instead of taking heartless advantage of your boss’s internet access and good will.

Wait, what about those of us drones who work in not-for-profit govt organisations? Shouldn’t she be encouraging us not to work, so as to hasten the eventual downfall of wicked gubmint or[insert Randroid wank fantasy here]?

Mercy, Batocchio! That’s kind of sad…

Betty Cracker, that’s one word for it…

It’s sorta scary there’s more than one of ‘em, huh?  Almost as chilling as “vice president of academic programs at the Ayn Rand Institute.”

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