The Orliad, Book Six: I Dream Of Orly (with extra new Birthyness)

Orlyblink


Why is Orly Taitz wearing sprinklers in her hair?, you may be wondering.

Well, because Obama’s wife’s sister-in-law’s house was worked on by Burlew plumbing aka Magic Plumbing just like the Magic Plumbing which worked on the sprinklers at the World Trade Center just a week before it fell, and you know what that means!

Now that’s out of the way, consider the sad tale of an admirer of Orly’s, one Major Cook,  and how hard it is to resist substituting a “K” for the “C,”
Impossible, in fact.

One day back in February, Major Kook, a reservist in the National Guard, was at his computer , reading the words of Orly Taitz, Defender of Our Freedoms, launcher of a thousand lawsuits against the IndoKenyan Usurper in the White House.

.Feeling the pull of Patriotism,

OrlyeyesRwindows2herKrazee

he emailed her, volunteering to participate in a lawsuit. With that,

clouds moved across the face of the sun,

Orly Forecast

rivers reversed their courses,

Orlifluence

a wind rose up filled with murmurings,

Orly Wind Blows No Good

and a curious object appeared before him.

orlybottled

Being unfortunately deaf to signs, portents, foreshadowing, and other forms of clue, he took up the bottle and uncorked it.

The world disappeared in a pink explosion, slightly cabbage-scented.

OhOh, Here Comes Trouble

As the roseate mist cleared, there standing before him was the most amazing sight he had ever beheld, a vision,  and she was speaking right to him:

Orly Uncorked

We will unmask the Fraud! she said. Just sign here, and leave the rest to me—you have nothing to fear!

Suddenly Major Kook found himself in his dress uniform, on the courthouse steps,  while his lawyer, Orly Taitz, D.D.S., Esq., cleverly engaged the enemy, who trained their weapons on her.


Orly and Major Kook Court Press


She explained that suing the Department of Defense to get out of deployment was a brilliant idea,
even though Major Kook had volunteered to go in the first place.

And that although it might look like Major Kook’s commander didn’t want him, and the lawsuit much like Orly’s other lawsuits, had been thrown out,

Orlymail

 

they had won.

 

With her guidance, Major Kook also declared himself a Conscientious Objector, not to war, but to fighting wars under orders from presidents he didn’t believe in.

With that, he automatically lost his security clearance, and his employer, Simtech, which works for the Department of Defense, promptly fired him.

And so it was, that through Orly Taitz’s counsel, Major Kook went from a man with two important jobs

Orlihobo

To hobo.


When Major Kook’s motion against Simtech was thrown out for lacking a complaint,  Orly immediately refiled, now with added complaint.

This time, it came back


Orlylair

as if jet-propelled.

So while Major Kook, unemployed, watches from the depths of his wingchair,

Orly Show


As his dentist/lawyer embarks on a media blitz,

orlyevidence


In Afghanistan, another Major who thought he was going home must wait to be relieved, while a new replacement bids loved ones a hurried good-bye and rushes to join the unit.

and that is not funny at all.

.

~~~~  FLASH FLASH FLASH BREAKING NEWS ON THE ORLYWIRE ~~~~

Obama’s Kenyan Birth Certificate has been found! (H/T StrangeAppar8us) Well, not exactly found.  A photo of the long-sought document has been found. Orly is including it in her new megacomplaint against Simtech for firing her poor hobo, Major Kook.

~~~~  FLASH FLASH FLASH BREAKING NEWS ON THE ORLYWIRE ~~~~

If only: Kenya had been a republic at the time that the “Republic of Kenya” birth certificate was dated, and if only Mombasa had not been a part of Zanzibar when Obama was born, the Kenyan birth certificate would have been almost perfect!

 


Orly Hooked

(Author’s shamelessly self-promotional note: previous chapters of the Orliad are compiled here for those who want to catch up, or still haven’t gotten their fill of crazee.)

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 08/03/09 at 06:19 AM • Permalink

Categories: I Don't Know Much About Art, But I Know What I LikeKnee SlappersMessylaneousPoliticsBedwettersNuttersSkull Hampers

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Brava! This is the perfect post to encounter after emerging from a long stint in the woods.

Don’t know what you were fretting about, Mrs. Polly.  These illustrations (and this post) are your best yet.  Job well done!

A tour de farce, Mrs. Polly!

Personally, I find my enjoyment enhanced by downloading the Orlytastic Taitzfest broadcast by California’s KGO radio station and combining it with your opus to produce a Total Senselessurround™ multimedia experience, followed by a bonus feature where the bloviating buffoon has imploded in a noxious puff of outrage, wigdust, and scampering eyelashes, leaving less strident voices to pick up the pieces.

It’s a hell of a way to start the day.

I was going to point you towards the Obama Conspiracy Theories article on the Kenyan BC, but I see you’re already there.  Bravo, Mrs Polly, another triumph :)

Gorgeous work, Polly! (And thank you for staging the mighty tidal reversal right outside my window, where America’s industrial sludge and toxic mill tailings come to meet, greet and merge into an exotic molecular gumbo on their way to New Orleans.)

Major Kook has volunteered for reassignment to a very martial subset of Hell, wearing a dunce cap, a White Feather and sign on his back reading “‘Code Red’ Me.” Better yet, it turns out Orly got the “Kenyan BC” from Bigfoot-Slayer Ed Hale, who’s had it in his possession since September (i.e., before the election) and who previously tried to fence it for quick cash on eBay…rather than, say, reveal its existence at a televised press conference and save the Republic from the Kurse of the Konniving Kenyan.

Here’s hoping Orly’s only stopping at Heathrow long enough to catch the connecting flight to Petrograd, on her way to the launch facility at Star City and a new career as the Desk Clerk on the Concierge Level of the International Space Station.

In the words of David Waldman over at dKos:

She’d better be a fucking great dentist, or the Taitzes aren’t gonna eat this year.

Mrs. Polly, you need some of those flashy light thingies that Matt Drudge uses when he’s got BREAKING NEWS!!!

Plus, fantastic as always.

OTOH, it was cruel of you to violate my brain with the idea of Orly in a harem girl costume.  You’ve spoiled all my fond memories of Barbara Eden.  Damn you!

This is your best, good on ya. The major reminded me of the dialogue in Spaceballs, Lord Helmet: Who is that guy?, Colonel Sanders: He’s an asshole. Lord Helmet: I know that, who is he? Colonel Sanders: That’s his name sir, Major Asshole.

Well done, Mrs. P, well done.

Fantastic.  Excuse me while I whore this around the interwebtubes.

The Orliad, an American Patriot Classic. Congratulations on another fine addition to the series.

Tea Bag Earrings; Tooth Belt, Sprinklers in the hair, the microphone with the eye on it, etc, etc., etc. 

Too funny.

While I personally don’t buy into the crazy theories about how Mrs. Polly isn’t an unbelievably awesome cartoonist, she could easily put the whole controversy to rest by sending me the signed originals.

And of course it’s only after I hit “submit” that I realize the phrase I was looking for was “natural born cartoonist.”

This is wonderful stuff, Polly. Very reminiscent of Ralph Steadman.

I want a copy of the sun pic. Yet another brilliant chapter in the book of Orly.

Way to go Polly (and yes, I am more than willing to take on Gil for any of the copies, I will fight, oh yes I will)

ROTFLMAO!!!  I agree…as much as I’ve enjoyed all the chapters that came before, I think this is your best yet, Mrs. Polly, so major kudos to you, yet again!

By the time this is all over, you’ll probably have enough chapters out to publish in book form, which i think would be a great idea!

Just watched her meltdown on MSNBC.  Why the hell this lunatic gets even a minute of airtime on a major network, I have no idea, but if she and her merry band of nutjobs can get shackled around the neck of every Republican running in a purple state or district next year, all the better.

Seriously, I’m starting to wonder if the DNC is secretly funding this woman.

the tooth belt was my favorite part!

Mrs. P. that was just wonderful, THANK YOU, and I just wanted to reprise your great comment of a week or so ago in which you noted that Orly, in typical fashion, had posted the Major’s address and SSN on the internet but, thankfully, since she caused him to lose his job the identify thieves wouldn’t have much to steal.

Added bonus - tonight’s Orly <strike>screechfest</strike> interview with David Shuster and Tamron Hall on MSNBC:  http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/32274609#32274609

Travel has not mellowed her.

Oh, the dogfood ad at the beginning’s an added added bonus.

I know this—if I were a tea drinker my tea of choice would definitely be loopton.

Nothing to add but “Bravissimo!” I too would love to see you get a book deal for this.

Your work is just too perfect.

I was sneaking peeks at this all day at work (Justice catapulting Birthoganda and the sprinkler tattoos had me in tears) but I’m going to have to find and repair my glasses in order to appreciate all of the lovely details.

Stinque’s got the lowdown on the actual birth certificate used to create the Kenya forgery.

http://www.stinque.com/2009/08/03/throw-another-forgery -on-the-barbie-mate/

I’m almost going to miss Orly Taitz if only because we won’t have any more illustrated re-tellings by Mrs. Polly.

If the series isn’t released as a book for the Christmas season, there’s something wrong with the publishing industry.

Comment by karen marie on 08/04/09 at 12:09 PM
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