I’m hopeless at this as well. We bought a fancy Nikon D60 a few months ago and my pictures still look as though they were taken by a 3 yr old.

Yep, I don’t have the greatest camera in the world, but you’d think of the 42 pictures I took this morning I could have come up with something better.

Thank gosh I’ll always have my memories…

Alas, no tree this year in our house, but we are spending the next two weeks (starting tomorrow) in the Bahamas, so I don’t really care.

I sent you pic of my tree.  Starting this weekend I will be hosing down my pad in preparation for family arriving Christmas day.  We’ll pass out the loot and then eat a big feast which I will provide courtesy of Honeybaked (UPS don’t fail me now).  Following said feast will be the obligatory Christmas nap otherwise known as carbohydrate shock.  What fun!

cut me off at my roots
bind me
drag me home
stand me in a corner, shivering
top my head with a star
drape my naked body with spangles and beads
take snapshots of my glistening shame
so your friends can ogle and laugh.

I am tannenbaum
I am woman
I am all abused things.

my sap stains your carpet like tears
my needles turn brittle and fall
like certain female politicians I once admired.

yet my vulnerability is also my shield
does that surprise you, evil non-tree man?
you will have your way with me
but my tree-ness is my own.

I will neither cry nor bend,
even three weeks from now
when you tire of me
and pitch my tinsel-tattered carcass in the street, like a Soho whore.

“I” am a tree
But “we” are a forest
cut us down, yet we grow back
and some of us have guns
you have been warned.

insert angry kitten jpeg here
insert angry kitten jpeg here

Damn you, WearingHoboFaces, for compelling me to discover just how painful it is to expel chunks of Lindor truffle through my nose.

WearingHobosFaces, my wife called me up raving about how funny this was and damn was she right.  Can I front-page it (crediting you, of course)?

That’s just brilliant Hobo, absolutely brilliant.

I am conifer, here me ROAR!

Quick, is there a way to set that to Rush’s Trees?

kevin k
you are welcome to my words and name
but no man
holds deed to my soul

post away

WHF, great.  Wanna come up with a title for it?

This picture is at home in south Jersey:

he tasks me, he tasks me:

god rest ye patriarchal tree rapists

a-wasilla-ing we will go

woodman, spare that nymph

a rape-tree grows in brooklyn

Hey Kev, there is only one thing your tree needs, more balls. Big balls. Shiny balls. Sparkly balls. Balls that glimmer and shine, their mirrored surfaces reflecting the light of the season. Balls of the season are important, and for those who have no balls, well, it’s a sad time of year and that’s why your tree is sad. It doesn’t have enough balls. So please, get that tree some balls, shiny, fat, sparkly balls, pronto!

balls shine like man-pride
hat-pin darts through scrotal sack
christmas for puma

I vote for “A Rape Tree Grows in Brooklyn”  (unless there is reason to believe the tree originated in Alaska, in which case “A-Wasilla-ing We Will Go” could make more sense).  Is sean around today?  Maybe sean should choose.

That was a masterpiece WHF. How about Tree d’Resistance,  with a French nasal for the title?

Um, it’s none of my business but if our Rumproast Masters were ever to consider having a poet laureate ... [nods meaningfully towards WHF]