Throwing-Stone Concessions Rebound on Publication of Sally Quinn Column

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

WASHINGTON DC—July 30, 2013— With millions of consumers making the move to glass houses, stone concessions—kiosks that dispense hefty rocks suitable for hurling through plate glass—were thought to be part of a dying industry, a relic like typewriter ribbon production plants and “Wite-Out” factories. But a new piece by WashingtonPost.com “On Faith” columnist Sally Quinn has unexpectedly breathed life into a waning economic sector.

In a column entitled “Blaming Huma Abedin,” Quinn outlines her objections to Anthony Wiener’s wife’s decision to stand by the pixyish peen-pix purveyor rather than doing something more dignified, such as finding a rich, married managing editor to hump and then parlaying that opportunity into a lofty nepotism perch from which to lord it over the Beltway social scene for the next 50 years.

“I’m telling you, this industry was on its last legs, what with the loss of privacy thanks to the Internet and people’s growing sense that they could attract an incoming barrage if they let stones fly at a neighbor’s glass house in a particularly hypocritical manner,” said Bash Brickbat, proprietor of Ye Olde Stone Shoppe, a colorfully painted pushcart on K Street.

“I mean, everyone is a little hypocritical, but come on. Sally’s column landed like a meteor in the side of the Hoover Dam, just sending hypocrisy gushing through the wall and flooding the valley,” Brickbat continued. “This is emboldening a whole new bunch of eye-mote removers with beams of their own. It’s like that time Bill Kristol accused someone of being wrong about Iraq.”

When read the following excerpt from Quinn’s column, several throwing-stone industry analysts responded with incredulity and terminated a reporter’s call, concluding that they were victims of a prank:

I have nothing against Abedin. I like her: She is a lovely, gracious, intelligent woman. I ache for her need to come to the rescue of this man who has betrayed her so often and will likely do it again. I ache for all women who find themselves in this position. And yet, there she stood in front of the cameras, this modern American career woman, by her man, saying she had forgiven him, loved him and believed in him. Just what exactly does she believe in? The only thing she can believe in for sure is that he will continue his infidelity.

Though her friends say she is strong and resolute and defiant, sadly she makes all women look like weak and helpless victims. She was not standing there in a position of strength. It was such a setback for women everywhere.

Other analysts urged caution at the prospect of a tossing-stone industry resurgence sparked by Quinn’s column:

“Look, the Washington Post shunted Quinn off to their online edition years ago because she’s such an embarrassment,” said one analyst, under the condition of anonymity. “You can think Wiener’s an eFlasher who would make a terrible mayor, and you can believe Abedin’s an idiot for putting up with his bullshit.

You can even imagine that Abedin’s choice somehow reflects badly on every other woman on the planet, though to make that leap, it helps if you’re psychotic. But you don’t publicly tut-tut ‘infidelity,’ not if you’re Sally Fucking Quinn.”

Posted by Betty Cracker on 07/30/13 at 02:42 PM • Permalink

Categories: NewsPoliticsOur Stupid MediaTo Poe Or Not To Poe?War On Women

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And yet, there she stood in front of the cameras, this modern American career woman, by her man, saying she had forgiven him, loved him and believed in him. Just what exactly does she believe in?

Maybe she’s a little kinky and gets off on the fact that her husband is sending dick pics to younger women… What the hell does Quinn know about their private lives and personal arrangements?

I don’t know how it can be a real sex scandal without any real sex.

There you go making literature again. That’s a really beautiful and hilarious piece.

What kind of a depraved fiend would virtually flirt with someone they find attractive?

That’s snark, right?  Because this went a little beyond “flirting”. Unless that’s now the new phone sex.

Having read some of Weiner’s “flirting”, I have to say that for one, he has a creepy old dude in a raincoat view of sex, and two, he just needs to come out as the nation’s leader of the BDSM movement and be done with it.

This entire story seems to be bringing out the Awful Conservative Woman Columnist Brigade in bulk—the horrific Christine Flowers wrote a column where she claimed Huma was the second coming of Hilary in the snidest, stupidest way she could.  (In other words, a normal Christine Flowers column.)

Bette, the thing about this story is that it defies parody.

Carlos Danger, Leathers, you can’t make this shit up.

You know, I have occasionally thought that if Rumproast would become an equal opportunity basher, it would be one of the more popular sites on the ‘net, even if it only bashed liberals 30% or 40% of the time and devoted the rest to bashing Republicans.

For a bright and funny political satirist to stay away from the Weenie Story is like Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh staying away from Gone with the Wind. The Weenie-Huma story is a soap opera that just keeps giving and demonstrates that a large percentage of every political point of view, regardless of what side, is certifiable.

In case you hadn’t noticed Amherst, we don’t subscribe to the “both sides do it” point of view.  Because they don’t.

@marindenver Surely you jest. I remember when Georgia Congressman Hank Johnson was afraid that Guam would tip over if too many people were on one end of the island!

Democrats say crazy shit all the time.

This is not at all to suggest that Republicans don’t also say crazy shit all the time.  Politicians of both parties are filled with opportunists and people who are there because of personal upward mobility and not because of deeper qualifications. Strange understands this.

I think on this one, the Weenie-Huma soap opera, you and I may be in agreement for the first time. Weiner appears to be an exhibitionist. Exhibitionism and pedophilia are two of the hardest-to-cure disorders. Shrinks have had little success in treating them.

@Betty I need to apologize to you because I called you Bette.

The posters on Rumproast are intelligent and funny enough so that some credibility is lost when you have stories as crazy as this one and you do not give it an equal measure of satire. No one as bright as you obviously are can possibly be laboring under the idea that their side never gets crazy.

One example is exactly equal to “all the time”.  The Wiener story has received a lot of coverage elsewhere but someone here might want to post on it, who knows?  I think we noted that he was an egotistical slimeball the first time around.

Personally I think focusing on the attempt of Republicans to suppress voting rights; control women’s reproductive rights; re-define “rape”; threaten to shut down the government and/or take the debt ceiling hostage; turn Medicare into a voucher system; slash Medicaid spending; eliminate food stamps and just generally kick the poors whenever possible, all while focusing on cutting taxes for the wealthy and corporations, are more worthy subjects.  Please provide examples of where Dems are doing any of that.

I guess we could give Republicans credit for multi-tasking though.

As far as Betty’s piece, kicking hypocritical Village POS’s like Sally Quinn is definitely worth doing as well.

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