Troubling Tribble-Wearing Trend Continues

As chronicled recently by Betty Cracker, a troubling trend of middle aged males apparently wearing Tribbles on their head has emerged. Latest to join this movement appears to be BP CEO Tony Hayward attempting below to appear humble and apologetic after realizing that his statement that, hey, he wants the leak plugged as bad as anyone because he wants his freakin’ life back! might be seen as a tad insensitive.

Because, you know, several million Gulf Coast residents would like their freaking lives back too, friend. Along with their livelihoods and their whole freaking ecosystem. I don’t think anyone needs to poll the fish, turtles, shrimp and pelicans to guess they’re not too happy about literally losing their lives over this too.

Hear me, Mr. Hayward. I hope you do not get your worthless life back. I hope you get your ass fired, your company liquidated and you lose everything you own and hold dear so you can experience what you will have done to others. Oh, and I hope they repossess the Tribble too.

Posted by marindenver on 06/02/10 at 04:28 PM • Permalink

Categories: Messylaneous • Politics • Editorials •

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HariKari is his only honorable option - period.

Comment by Ricahrd S on 06/02/10 at 05:05 PM

ain’t gonna happen.

Comment by merl on 06/02/10 at 05:08 PM

ain’t gonna happen.

Harakiri or getting his ass fired? Because I’d probably put even money on either event.

Comment by marindenver on 06/02/10 at 05:25 PM

I suspect that Hayward will be toast in the fullness of time, but sadly, I also suspect he’ll get a very sizeable golden handshake, because that’s the way it’s done.

BP was quite a disappointment, as a few years ago it looked like it might actually make some serious moves into diversifying and investing in the vast potential renewables we have in the UK, but perhaps predictably, it ended up fizzling out in what Greenpeace (who have had their own carbon footprint issues, having worked with them in the past, but that’s by the by) described as “greenwash.” Hayward taking the BP helm certainly didn’t help, along with the global recession.

The wit and wisdom of Hayward’s no doubt been collated elsewhere, but the classic so far is this:

In July 2009, at a lecture to the Stanford Business School, the CEO of British Petroleum Tony Hayward explained to attendees that BP was going in the wrong direction before he took over as CEO because, “we had too many people that were working to save the world.”

I’d say he successfully addressed that problem.

What else can you say about a firm whose reaction to its current crisis is to hire Anne Womack Kolton, Dick Cheney’s one-time press secretary, as its new US PR chief? Well, I guess you can say it doesn’t look too good:

While at Cheney’s side, Kolton defended the secrecy of the Vice President’s Energy task force, a group which held secretive meetings with energy company executives. When the General Accounting Office—the research arm of Congress—sued the Administraton for records relating to Cheney’s meetings, Kolton (then Womack) was at his side.

And wearing a toup that resembles an oil plume is just adding insult to injury.

Comment by YAFB on 06/02/10 at 05:56 PM

And wearing a toup that resembles an oil plume is just adding insult to injury.

I thought it looked familiar.

Comment by Glix on 06/03/10 at 04:04 AM

I think the frilly bouncy toupees are something like Chinese officials dependency on metric tons of black hair dye—a rather desperate attempt to declare to people ‘Yes, I’m not only wealthy, and powerful—but I’m JUST as virile as when I was twenty younger! RAAAR!”

Comment by John Ball on 06/03/10 at 08:53 AM

John, your comment is exactly why a friend of mine has advised me to never get involved with anyone who has done hair replacement systems. And she works for the Hair Club for Men—she knows what she’s talking about!